Post # 1
Hello again, bees! Sorry for coming up with yet another weird situation, but I would really appreciate a little advice from the hive.
At the risk of reiterating, I have an abusive ex (possibly with Narcissistic Personality Disorder) with whom I broke up about a month and a half ago. He didn’t let me – in fact, crazy as it sounds, he acted like we were still together and I was just having a crazy ‘phase’. He would call every hour (even though I had stopped taking his calls) and send me over 100 texts a day, but I didn’t reply. He finally stopped around 10 days ago, after complaining of a severe stomachache one night.
Well, idiot that I am, I could never get the guilt out of my mind that I didn’t respond even when he complained of being sick. So last night I dialled his number. Good sense prevailed immediately and I disconnected, but the damage was done. He texted me, asking if I wanted to get back together. I wrote back saying I only wanted to check that he was okay and wished him good luck for the future.
Unfortunately, he fixated in his mind that I want to be back with him. Today he was calling me non-stop (even when I was disconnecting) and texted, saying that my decision to break up was ‘immature’, that I didn’t know what I really wanted and that he wanted me to move to his city asap. He even booked a one-way air ticket in my name.
I finally wrote back saying that I didn’t love him, I was never going back and I have already moved on and so should he. In reply he wrote something about me breaking his heart all over again and that me calling him last night gave him hope and that he would go away from my life forever.
I feel really guilty about my harsh treatment but please believe when I say, I tried everything in my power to soften the blow by saying things like “I hope and pray that you will be very happy and successful” and “it’s not you, it’s me”. I really wish him to be happy from the core of my heart – just not with me.
I’ll be really grateful if you advice me on whether I should apologise for my last rude message. Or should I end all contact on this sour note? Thank you for any and all perspective.
Post # 3
DONT apologize. DONT contact him again. In fact, you should really have his number blocked.
Post # 5
End it right here and now. The more you contact him the more he will persist to contact you back and you will continually in his own words, “continue to give him hope.” You softened the blow as you say, that is far more than enough.
Post # 4
stop responding. If you respond you give him the opportunity to keep talking with you. I would even recommend changing your number.
Post # 6
@MrsWBS: +1. This, exactly.
Post # 7
Thank you so much, ladies. I try to stay strong but at times I feel guilty about being too harsh. Your reassurance means the world to me. Blocking his number sounds like a good idea, though. I’ll do it asap.
Post # 8
@Aquababes: stay safe! I had a scary crazy ex once too. You never know what they’re capable of.
Post # 9
@MrsWBS: I daresay . Just out of curiosity, what did your’s do?
Post # 10
@Aquababes: Yep, crazy exes are nothing to mess with. You’re a good person and want to do the right thing, I understand. But he’s not normal, as you probably already know. He just wants to manipulate you. Don’t let him back in, he could make things miserable for you again. You’re better off putting him way, way, way in the past. Good luck! I really hope he leaves you alone.
Post # 11
No no no no no no no no no! Don’t ever respond. Don’t ever EVER give him even a fingerhold back on your life! If you give him an inch, he will move back in and try to trap you forever! Allow no more contact ever again.
I’m sorry you are going through this, especially during the holidays.
Post # 12
If I were you, I would also change my phone number and delete his. It’s best not to contact him or give him ways to contact you again.
Be careful. I wouldn’t have lied to him and said, “it’s not you, it’s me” because he could twist that somehow.
I hope he really does leave you alone.
Post # 13
I made the mistake of trying to leave on a good note with an irrational guy…
…he showed up at my work, screaming at my coworkers that he was going to wreck my car. When I finally came outside, he told me that he was going to commit suicide because I ruined his life. He screamed for about as long as it took for the cops to show up.
He was arrested for public disturbance and he was hospitalized for a psych exam. He called me to pick him up from jail claiming that I got him into this mess so I would have to get him out of it.
In a moment of clarity, I realized that if I went to get him, he would never get out of my car, and he would never be out of my life.
I hung up on him and refused the hundreds of phone calls and texts. Instead I got paper work for a restraining order.
Nothing good can possibly come from interacting with an emotionally abusive ex!
Post # 14
@Sunfire: Thanks…he’s definitely unhinged. I can’t imagine a normal person booking an air ticket for another without their permission. And I too pray that he leaves me alone. You know something, I’ll be happiest when he finds someone else and gets off my back.
@BeachBride2014: Thank you so much for your advice. I don’t know why I can’t be strong all the time. I hate being weak like this. But one thing I’m feeling glad about – I’ll finally (hopefully) get a peaceful, non-drama Christmas this year!
Post # 15
@howtobeawife: Changing numbers isn’t working because he knows the #s of my parents and sister, plus our home telephone number. As for his number, I’ve deleted it long back but I remember it vividly. I’m hoping blocking his number would do a bit of good? And I didn’t think about that comment…oh dear, I hope it won’t come to something awful. Thanks for the advice – I really appreciate it.
@BeachBride2014: “Nothing good can possibly come from interacting with an emotionally abusive ex!“
I think I’ll print this line and hang it in my room so I don’t ever forget.
Post # 16
Please don’t contact him again. Call your phone company and have his number blocked. Block his email address. Delete and block him from Facebook (if you have it). Seriously going to be the best way you can move on with your life.