According to Etiquette, Who is Actually Allowed to Host The Bridal Shower?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Who is an acceptable shower hostess -AND- Do you think my sister hosting my shower was acceptable?
    Only bridal party members with no familial relation to the bride. : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Only bridal party members, regardless of familial relation to the bride. : (5 votes)
    7 %
    Non-family bridal party members & groom's family, but not bride's family. : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Any member of the bridal party & groom's family, but not bride's family not in the bridal party. : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Anybody but Mother of the Bride. : (18 votes)
    25 %
    Anybody can host! : (21 votes)
    29 %
    It was totally acceptable for your sister to host your shower in your situation. (Not Gift Grabby) : (20 votes)
    27 %
    Regardless of your situation, it was unacceptable for your sister to host your shower. (Gift Grabby) : (3 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    518 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think anyone but MOB and MOG are fair game.  I think your sister in your situation was just fine!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I didn’t pick any of your choices – I think it’s anyone who’s not related to the bride. Although I’ve also never heard of the groom’s family hosting.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7929 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    This depends so much on circumstance. Since brides usually are not formally part of their parents’ household anymore when they get married, the stigma against mothers hosting is going away. I think you’re fine, but there will always be traditionalists who hold on to outdated rules without understanding where those rules came from.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I know almost exactly zero about etiquette but I would think anyone can host (except the bride I guess!). It’s just whoever cares about the bride and has the time/space to put it in motion.

    I guess I don’t see why it matters if the host is related to you. They’re the same gifts being opened aren’t they?

    Post # 8
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Eh, I think your sister was fine! Mine were hosted by my husband’s aunt and my mother’s best friend. I find that people are usually less offended by etiquette breeches in real lifw, because they actually know these people, rather than random internet strangers!

    Post # 10
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee

    I always thought it was the MOH to be honest. When my sister got hitched, I hosted in my mom’s house (I lived in a small apartment, the house was better) and I was her MOH. I agree with others, as long as you aren’t hosting I don’t think it matters. But I will be the first to tell you I so do not know the proper etiquette for things!

    Post # 12
    Member
    6900 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Traditionally, family members do not host,  for the reasons you’ve explained.  In my experience, some will even go as far as to enlist a friend to host in name only, but the parents are really the ones to pay or organize.  

    More liberal etiquette sources (for example the “new” Emily Post) say that it’s OK for a family member to throw a shower, while conventional etiquette a la Miss Manners says it’s always a big no no.  There are plenty of people who would not throw a gift soliciting event for one of their own, but don’t care what you do, and those who may side eye a perceived gift grab.  

    IMO, if you believe it’s wrong for the bride’s family to host, it’s no more correct for the groom’s. 

    Since it’s in the past, I would not recommend losing too much sleep over it. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @aggie2010:  I don’t think anyone will be hosting a shower for me, which is totally fine, but if I did it would most likely be hosted by my mom.  I had no idea that it was considered bad etiquette.  Honestly, all this wedding etiquette is just getting ridiculous.  All I want is to marry my best friend surrounded by my nearest and dearest.  People are too easily offended.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I don’t really care who hosts the shower. Mothers/ sisters/ cousins/ bridal party/ friends.

    Post # 16
    Member
    518 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MrsSkeletonKey:  That’s exactly it 🙂  Though the shower is for the bride, of course the gifts are for the couple, so a MOG hosting would be soliciting gifts for her child, same as a MOB.  My FSIL is hosting a shower along with a cousin of FMIL for me in FI’s hometown (FSIL is a BM). Of course I am sure FMIL is helping with some things behind the scenes, but she isn’t a named hostess.

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