Post # 1
So, recently it came to my attention that there are certain etiquette rules (or perhaps just social norms) relating to who is technically “allowed” to be host the bridal shower.
I’ve already been married for several months, so it’s a bit moot at this point, but I am curious if my shower rubbed anybody the wrong way. Plus, I’m kind of bored tonight lol.
So, my older sister was the hostess of my bridal shower (she was not in the bridal party). She was listed as the hostess on the invite & the shower was held at her home. The only people invited to the shower were members of my family & my husband’s family.
My bridal party & mother live out of state, so they couldn’t host the event. My husband’s family was not very involved in the wedding & they are always under a fairly large financial burden, so they never offered to hostess, which I totally understood. We are also not incredibly close due to distance.
So basically, I’m just curious if people might have construed my sister hosting the shower as some type of rude gift grab. I had no idea that this might not be acceptable.
Please vote by indicating what you think is typically acceptable in terms of who should host the shower, and also vote what you think was acceptable in my situation.
Thank you! 🙂
Post # 3
I think anyone but MOB and MOG are fair game. I think your sister in your situation was just fine!
Post # 4
@KMoon5314: Great, thanks for the reply 🙂
I’m very anti-gift grab, so I got a little nervous reading a thread earlier thinking people might have been put off by my sister hosting the shower.
If you don’t mind explaining, why don’t you feel MOG to be fair game? Is it basically because the gifts will be used by her son as well as the bride?
Post # 5
I didn’t pick any of your choices – I think it’s anyone who’s not related to the bride. Although I’ve also never heard of the groom’s family hosting.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
This depends so much on circumstance. Since brides usually are not formally part of their parents’ household anymore when they get married, the stigma against mothers hosting is going away. I think you’re fine, but there will always be traditionalists who hold on to outdated rules without understanding where those rules came from.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I know almost exactly zero about etiquette but I would think anyone can host (except the bride I guess!). It’s just whoever cares about the bride and has the time/space to put it in motion.
I guess I don’t see why it matters if the host is related to you. They’re the same gifts being opened aren’t they?
Post # 8
Eh, I think your sister was fine! Mine were hosted by my husband’s aunt and my mother’s best friend. I find that people are usually less offended by etiquette breeches in real lifw, because they actually know these people, rather than random internet strangers!
Post # 9
@oneofthesethings: Good point. I guess I’ve never heard of the groom’s family hosting either, but I thought I’d add it in case it occurred and I was unaware of it, or in the off chance that the MOG would host for a bride whose mother died or was not in the bride’s life.
@mrsSonthebeach: I’ve noticed that too. A lot of times the strong etiquette traditionalist hold to the original etiquette guidelines, without any deviation permitted for extenuating cirumstances. It’s nice to hear when people are considerate of etiquette, but let their common sense guide them for the most part.
@aggie2010: Hah, me too, hence the question 😛
I grew up with a single father who basically raised himself. The only “etiquette” that guided our lives was the Bible, our conscience, & good ole’ fashion common sense lol.
Post # 10
I always thought it was the MOH to be honest. When my sister got hitched, I hosted in my mom’s house (I lived in a small apartment, the house was better) and I was her MOH. I agree with others, as long as you aren’t hosting I don’t think it matters. But I will be the first to tell you I so do not know the proper etiquette for things!
Post # 11
@JenGirl: That’s true. We normally care about the people we know (or lets hope, if we are being invited to their shower lol). Where as it’s a bit easier to judge people on the harsh end if we haven’t seen their life evolve (such as internet strangers), or their particular circumstance in motion.
Good to know you think I was in the clear 🙂 Thanks.
Post # 12
Traditionally, family members do not host, for the reasons you’ve explained. In my experience, some will even go as far as to enlist a friend to host in name only, but the parents are really the ones to pay or organize.
More liberal etiquette sources (for example the “new” Emily Post) say that it’s OK for a family member to throw a shower, while conventional etiquette a la Miss Manners says it’s always a big no no. There are plenty of people who would not throw a gift soliciting event for one of their own, but don’t care what you do, and those who may side eye a perceived gift grab.
IMO, if you believe it’s wrong for the bride’s family to host, it’s no more correct for the groom’s.
Since it’s in the past, I would not recommend losing too much sleep over it.
Post # 13
@aggie2010: I don’t think anyone will be hosting a shower for me, which is totally fine, but if I did it would most likely be hosted by my mom. I had no idea that it was considered bad etiquette. Honestly, all this wedding etiquette is just getting ridiculous. All I want is to marry my best friend surrounded by my nearest and dearest. People are too easily offended.
Post # 14
I don’t really care who hosts the shower. Mothers/ sisters/ cousins/ bridal party/ friends.
Post # 15
@weddingmaven: Thanks for the detailed reply. I hadn’t even considered that it may have been perceived wrongly until I read a post earlier tonight. Definitely won’t lose sleep over it, it just crossed my mind, & I was bored, so I thought I’d run it by the panel lol.
@ju5tdance: Entirely agreed. I’m sure according to conventional etiquette we did so many things wrong. I just wanted to be sure we weren’t super offensive and seemingly selfish (as that is the last word I would EVER want to be catagorized as).
Post # 16
@MrsSkeletonKey: That’s exactly it 🙂 Though the shower is for the bride, of course the gifts are for the couple, so a MOG hosting would be soliciting gifts for her child, same as a MOB. My FSIL is hosting a shower along with a cousin of FMIL for me in FI’s hometown (FSIL is a BM). Of course I am sure FMIL is helping with some things behind the scenes, but she isn’t a named hostess.