Acting Spoiled or Valid Feelings?

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Acting Spoiled or Valid Feelings?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional

32 posts

Newbee

pretty_in_pink September 2007

I've been engaged for a year and a half now, would have gotten married last year but I was in another friends wedding and she was VERY high maintenance so I knew I would have no time to plan my own not to mention hers was in the fall and I didn't want to cause any drama by getting married before her so I held off until this year - to me, that's a good friend! Ever since we got engaged it feels as though my friends are drifting away and I've never felt as though any of them are truly happy for us. No one ever calls to ask how things are going and I try to keep in touch with them all the time... his friends are the same. They make plans with eachother excluding me all the time - and they are not all single either. We have even been excluded from couples nights! I have racked my brain to try and figure out if we somehow pushed them away and why we are left in the dust and honestly... there's nothing. Even at my own bridal shower I felt as though it was not for me. They were snapping pictures and chatting and never once really included me. None of the group pics from my shower have me in them?!!! I felt as though I was at someone elses shower! :( Then when I took the time to post the pics I had online (thank god my sis got some of me) the only comment made from a friend was about how beautiful one of my guests looked?! That hurt! Maybe I'm acting a spoiled but I really thought that this was my moment in the spotlight... and I feel like I've lost out on that bigtime. Another friend just got engaged and she is getting so much attention and well wishes and I feel completely invisible!

My fiance and I are both feeling extremely depressed these days with one month to the wedding and are now questioning why we even made the effort to have a big wedding and include all our friends when they don't seem to give a crap about us.

The only positive thing I am feeling right now is that I have an amazing family and my fiance is the best thing that ever happened to me and I just keep telling myself as long as I have him in my life nothing else matters ... friends will come and go but he is definitely here to stay! ...but it still hurts and I don't want to feel this resentment towards my friends anymore :S

2 years ago

Member

324 posts

Helper bee

Kare7213 May 22, 2010 Dewitt, MI

Oh honey! Honestly I've had the same feelings. A few of my friends are genuenly (that word is probably spelt wrong!lol) excited. But other friends are acting like I'm the weird one. I hate to say it but I honestly think its just jealousy. You really find out who good people are when they have to be happy for someone else. At my shower no one got me gifts! Everyone just stuck a check in an envolope. Which yes is nice but is something that you can do on the way to the party and takes no effort.

I am SO thankful for my FI and the ones who ARE supportive. They will be the ones that make the day magical. Just remember that YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON! And anyone who belongs in your life will stay! Good luck girlie!

2 years ago

Member

137 posts

Blushing bee

BudsBride September 25, 2010 Wisconsin

Awww I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I do have to say wow you are an amazing friend to put off your wedding for another friend. My fiancé's best friend saw that we got engaged and he's very competitive so he of course proposed after only dating 3 months and picked a wedding date a month before ours (seems on purpose!)

Maybe you could get the girl's together or talk to them one by one to express your feelings of not being included. They might assume you are busy with everything and with time ticking every waking moment of yours is consumed with wedding details. I don't want you to look at your day and be sad that it wasn't everything you dreamed of and more. Don't let them get you down!

2 years ago

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6,816 posts

Busy
Beekeeper

moderndaisy June 2010

Oh, I'm sorry all this is happening! Weddings can definitely bring out the worst in people. And that WAS VERY nice of you to push back your wedding date for your friend.. wow!

I so hear you about all the issues you are going through. We are getting a ton of declines from people who were originally so excited to come, it's so strange. Thank god we didnt' book a bigger ballroom!! And honestly we are being left out of couple nights as well. I don't think it's ever been a situation where only we were left off the list, but it's just strange that it keeps happening.

All I can say to FI (b/c he's really hurt) is that people change when they get older and more ingrained into a certain lifestyle and we can't be upset by it. People are adults and will invite who they want to nights out and if we aren't included then we probably shouldn't have gone in the 1st place. And if they decline our invitations to the wedding or to dinner we can't be mad about it, but we can respect their decision adn possibly the fact that we aren't as close as we had thought.

2 years ago

Member

263 posts

Helper bee

soontobewalsh 09/18/10 Boston

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It sounds like you gave yourself a lengthy engagement. I did the same for the same reasons as you. I had two friends getting married back-to-back and didnt want to interfere. I found that after our big announcement, attention slowly diminished. But not because they didn't care but because it was old news and we had some time before we had to do anything related to the wedding. Perhaps this happened in your case too to some extent.

Regarding your friends excluding you from things, I would sit down with the one you feel most comfortable talking to and open up about how you've been feeling. Maybe she can offer some insight and maybe after talking things out, your friends will get excited again.

2 years ago