Post # 1
We were at the mall yesterday, and I was perilously close to having a meltdown with all the jewelry stores and counter we passed walking around looking for Christmas items and clothes for his job. It’s dumb, but kowing that his little brother bought his fiancee’s ring at one of those stores hit me each time I passed it, but I think I’ve been true to the Christmas challenge and not brought anything up about us at all, just a few things about a bridal shower/Christmas/New Year’s BBQ we’re going to with some friends (out of the 10 women who will be there, 7 are engaged or married, and I am the only one who has been in a relationship longer than a few months, actually longer than ANYONE else who will be there, inlcuding the maried and engaged couples – sigh).
Whle at one store the clerk commented on the right-hand ring my BF wears – it’s just a stainless steel ring, but I guess it could look like a modern wedding band. The clerks said, “I like your wedding band, is it titamium or something?” to which my BF answered the question about the metal, but tried not to comment on the “wedding” part of it. I stopped wearing rings at all beause I work with people from lots of other countries, where a gemstone ring isn’t always what married or engaged people wear, and many countries seem to place the rings on the right hand instead of the left, and having to tell people time after time that it’s just a silly ring I got at the beach and I’m not married got so old, like I need more reminders of it. I think he noticed my discomfort, but I was good and didn’t mention it (but then we had to walk by Kay Jewelers again to get to the car. grrr.)
I think if men were hasseled as much as women about their marital status, they’d be a bit less draggy about it. I think I’m asked about 10 times to his one.
I’ve been told it’s probaby gonna be another 2 years before he feels it would be “right”. I still have stupid moments of hope, like when we got back from an annual trip one of our recently engaged and soon to be married friends met us for dinner and repeatedly asked if we had any news, as if he’d been expecting something. I’m tired of expecting. I want to just give up and be happy and not feel like I’m not good enough and just not want it anymore. (Sorry for the rant – holidays are rough)
Post # 3
@Isilme: Holidays are rough, especially in a long term relationship when you’re waiting… But take a breather and know its better to wait and it be the perfect moment for you both. Happy Holidays
Post # 4
I’m with you girl!! Times are tough right now. My SO basically told me that it might never happen so I’m really in a runt this season. All I can hope is he figures it out soon or I feel like I’m going to go crazy!! Everytime I think about it my stomach starts hurting and I get a lump in my thoat. It’s horrible. I have avoided the mall because of all the jewelery stores.
I’m tired of expecting. I want to just give up and be happy and not feel like I’m not good enough and just not want it anymore. EXACTLY!!
We just have to stay calm and enjoy the holidays as best we can! : )
Post # 5
@Isilme: I think if men were hasseled as much as women about their marital status, they’d be a bit less draggy about it. I think I’m asked about 10 times to his one.
I’ll trade you – you can have my family! My family harasses him at every get together. It’s gotten rather awkward. At first it was just my brother-in-law, then it was an older cousin, then my brother & sister-in-law tell us that “hey, they aren’t bugging us” (yet bringing it up to say that…). After one get-together a year or so ago, my mom sent a super apologetic email saying “We are so sorry that happened, we understand if you never want to come to family events again” making it even worse. I think his friends even ask him more than my friends (then again, I just volunteer the info w/o questions to my friends).
Though my sister did remind me (not him) not to announce “important life events” over facebook (had a close cousin do that, we’re her only cousins).
I love my dad who has never ONCE said anything at all. Yay dad.
His mom’s been pretty cool, though she did offer him her ring a while back apparently. And his brother asked her about us, despite the fact he’s been dating 5 years to our 2.5 with no ring in his sights.
Post # 6
ugggh, 2 more years….. youre stronger/more patient than i will ever be! i hope you have a great Christmas
Post # 7
I totally understand how you feel. My younger sister got married while I was waiting, and it was torture (we had already been together for 3 years when she got married, they were married for over a year when we got engaged). Our best friends had us in their wedding while I was waiting (they met after we had been together for 1.5 years, and were married before we even got engaged). We have been together longer than our 3 couple friends, yet we are the last to get married.
I cried on the way home from my sister’s wedding because I was so frustrated with him not proposing.
He finally did it at around the 4.5 year mark. It was torture. He took me ring shopping around our 1 year anniversary and then proceeded to make me wait 3.5 years for the ring.
It sucks. The jewelery stores killed me every time we walked past them. Waiting is torture, but there’s usually a happy ending.
Post # 8
You’re so right. Men don’t seem to get it as much. BUT, my family is the epitome of inopportune times to ask awkward questions. 🙂 I remember within one weekend, something was said at least 5 times. “So when’s the big day?” To which I answer “You’re asking the wrong half of this couple.” Or “When you two get married…” Or my mom introducing him as “My maybe future son in law?” LOL. The last one made me laugh. She was being sweet but it came out super awkward.
Post # 9
A while back I had to ask his family to not simply treat us as if we were already engaged, (they didn’t know how to introduce me, so his mom and brother called me his fiancee for a while), correcting the younger brother once stating I’m just a girlfriend as I haven’t been asked. I’ve asked them not to talk about it with him mostly because he’s not happy with his parent’s marriage and he’s one to balk at doing anything they suggest, so them trying to “help” by cajoling, pushing and bringing it up all the time just made it worse for a while and I got a whole lot of “never going to get married, ever” talk. Thanks for the pep talks ladies – just needed to get my mall experience out of my system and y’all are the only ones with whom I feel comfortable talking it over, as you can understand.
Post # 10
Haha I hope for awkward moments too! I think it is just to make him realize that I’m not the only one who is wondering why he hasn’t done it yet…. And I guess I like them so it gives someone else to ask him questions that I want to know the answer to yet don’t want to feel like I’m nagging all the time 🙂
Post # 11
I wish ppl harassed him. All he gets is little old ladies saying he is so sweet and is he married? He’s not? Well, when he gets married, invite them to the wedding. *eye roll*