Post # 1
And of all the people who is causing it…my dad! Side note: Even from myself it was expected I would be traditional but after being Maid/Matron of Honor for two weddings this last summer I realized quickly I/we wanted something different. Plus Weddingbee and other blogs have opened my eyes to the world of customized/personal weddings.
At first he was upset I wasn’t having cake. We’ve decided to have a dessert bar instead because thats us. That issue was quickly replaced with anger over us wanting a friend, who we would get ordained online, to perform the ceremony. He was angry for awhile (even telling my mom he was paying for the wedding so we needed to do what he wanted). I had really good arguments for why we were going that route. We didn’t have a minister who was close to us both; just one or the other. I stated the minister doesn’t make the marriage last and that it was more special to have someone that we will know for years. Finally he came around and said yes, he doesn’t even remember his ministers name and that’s fine if we want that.
But this latest thing is low. My FI takes the best man position very seriously and has decided the best person for the spot is his sister. I think even 4 months ago I would’ve asked that he rethink that but in the last 4 months I have realized that this wedding is about what we want not what we’ve seen traditionally and I realized how special I think it will be having his sister up there on his side. Plus in the end, it’s really just about marrying my soul mate. Well I told my dad and he blew up again. This time telling my mom that he just won’t go to the wedding. Not even him being angry is an excuse for saying that. That is just so low. She says she’ll talk to him and is sure he’ll come around but I told her this is seriously hurting my relationship with him. And I can’t go through this everytime there is something a little different.
And I can’t tell my fiance this is going on because it’s already going to be hard enough for them to have a relationship. They are just different people and I don’t need them to be best friends but I also don’t want my Fiance to have permanent issues. He’s my dad and eventually we can move past but that would be harder for them.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re going through this… your dad seems to be taking everything pretty personally. Regardless, it’s your and your FI’s wedding! It’s really not uncommon for people to have male “men of honor” or “best women.” Maybe he just doesn’t realize that? Getting married is a huge change/step for parents sometimes too, he could be having a hard time dealing with it all. I hope he comes around and you guys can work things out.
Post # 4
My father was the same way. If I wanted anything that he considered different, he wanted to argue with me about it. I ended up caving on some issues that I felt strongly about. My parents threatened not to come if I didn’t let my dad walk me down the aisle, even though I explained my point of view in a mature manner and that it had nothing to do with him personally.
If you still want to hold to your ideas, all you can do is try to convince him that it’s not as different as he thinks and see if he’ll come around. I hope things get better for you.
Post # 5
I know what you are going through…well kinda. My mom will say “oh no you do it this way” or “you have to do this” and then she stops. I am doing a lot of things a little different…or at least taking a lot of the traditional aspects of a wedding/reception and throwing it out the window. My wedding dress is tea length. I am taking all photos prior to the wedding (so my Fiance will see me before the actual wedding). I am not having a wedding cake…replacing it with cupcakes and caramel apples. I am not having a unity candle (or any other things like that, sand etc.) and I am not doing a bouquet or garter toss.
I think that your dad will come around. Can you talk to him about it? This is your wedding and it should reflect you and your Fiance, not your parents. =) Good luck!!
Post # 6
I think he will come around. Sometimes we are on weddingbee so much, and we forget that the regular world is still thinking in the traditional wedding way. For example, I’ve seen countless cupcake towers on here, and even began to think it was an outdated thing (even though I want one!!). But every single person that I tell “we’re not having a cake, we’re having a cupcake tower” is like “WOW! I’ve never heard of THAT before!!” and they either think it’s a great idea or think I’m nuts…. So just do what you want to do. It’s your wedding!!!
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this drama. We’re lucky in that since we’re paying for pretty much everything ourselves we have total control. If either of our parents were paying, or even contributing a significant amount, I could understand how much more difficult it is.
I would say give your dad some time to come around. Sometimes it’s hard for us on weddingbee (or any wedding forum for that matter) to understand when others find our ‘non-traditional’ ideas to be outrageous. Here, we share so many ideas on how to make our weddings unique be it, tea-length wedding gowns or forgoing cake for a cupcake or pie bar. To the rest of the world, who isn’t on here, they see weddings as the traditional, bride in white with a white shoes and a veil, get married in a church, have a reception where you choose from chicken or beef (or veg) and wedding cake. That’s your typical run of the mill traditional wedding..even Hollywood pretty much portrays it that way in the movies!
Trust me…when I showed my mother my navy satin shoes that I’m wearing, her jaw dropped…GASP! I won’t be in ALL WHITE?! lol
Post # 8
I shut all the drama out from the very beginning and im so thankful its all out of my way now and im having a stressfree wedding planning experience! My sister, friend, brother and mother tried to cause drama and sadness for me but you just know that you have to deal with it and try to stay away from those kind of people as much as you can, this experience only comes once in a lifetime so make it good for yourself