(Closed) Adding bridesmaids 3 months before the wedding?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be offended?
    yes : (5 votes)
    19 %
    no : (22 votes)
    81 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014 - Glen Sanders Mansion

    @2BeeWed2013:  Why don’t you tell them exactly what you told us?  You really wanted to ask them but since they love to travel you didn’t want them to feel obligated.  Now that they’re home, you’re hoping they’d love to be in the wedding.  If they don’t want to be BMs, think of another way to include them (readings, etc)

    Post # 5
    Member
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My sister did this… Everything turned out fine but it was annoying because her dress came in late (we had all ordered already) tans it was a bit of disaster, but luckily it all came together! I think if you just tell them what you said here, they will get it. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    8706 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Jayceedee:  I agree with this.

    Post # 8
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I asked one of my BMs only a couple months before our wedding.  We grew so much closer over the months I was planning my wedding and I just realized at some point how special she was to me and I wanted her to know that too.  I don’t think she was offended at all -from my point of view, she seemed really excited to be asked.  

    If you’re looking for ways to make your friends feel as important as the other girls, I’d just ask them in a similar way to the others, or maybe send out a small gift or card to ALL your maids and then also have your recently added girls help you with some of your remaining decisions.  Good luck!

    Post # 10
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t think I would be offended – especially with your explanation!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1773 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I wouldn’t be offended and I think it’s a good idea. I suggested that a gf of mine do this because she’d gotten engaged a while before her wedding and didn’t ask most of her good friends because she thought it’d be too many (but it really wouldn’t be). 

    The only other thing to keep in mind is that this works best if the new girls have extra disposable income (since they havent planned on these expenses), you’re doing mismatched or non-traditional bridesmaid dresses (meaning cheaper), or you’ll pitch in or pay for dresses or rush charges and they’d make the time to get fitted pronto. 

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    13662 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t be offended but I would recommend keeping some of the things in mind that @Shkragoldfish: mentioned. Can they still get dresses in time without paying crazy rush fees, etc? Not that things like that should stop you from asking, but just that you should be aware of those considerations when you ask so you don’t stress out the girls when you’re really just trying to involve them in your day. 🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Tell them what you told us. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1467 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @2BeeWed2013:  Just be honest with them! Just say that you really wanted them in your wedding the whole time but you didn’t want to put pressure on them or hold them back because you knew how much they love travelling and you love them! That is perfectly appropriate and a great way to show how much you care.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2029 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @2BeeWed2013:  I did that….well not 3 months before but I had a friend that i really wanted to be in my wedding and I told her years ago when we were in the sorority together that I wanted her to be a BM.  So after I picked out 5 BMs 3 local, 2 many states away(family) I kept going back and forth with asking her.  I was hesitant because she doesnt have a lot of $ and didnt know if she would be able to afford it plus she lived a state away.  But I got up the courage and asked and she said yes and she is so excited! 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    922 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    They would be honored!  Agree with PPs that just tell them what you told us.  How did you ask your other BMs?  I’d just ask them in the same way, so they feel equal and not like “back-ups” (though we know they aren’t).  I bet they will be so excited!

    If it makes you feel any better, we are at 4 months out and we haven’t asked our BMs and GMs yet.

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