Additional little guests

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

NowraJanBride:  Yes, we addressed the invite to a couple. They responded by adding in the names of their three kids.

We decided to let this slide and accept that the kids were coming. On the day of the wedding, the whole family was a no-show.

Ridiculous for her to think at a wedding that she will just share her food. Very rude on her part.

Post # 3
50 posts
Worker bee

I can’t believe someone has done this… Our venue is restricted on capacity so we have decided not to invite children, if anyone does this to us we won’t be able to cope!!

Post # 4
195 posts
Blushing bee

I would just call her and let her know that she can’t bring additional people whether they’ll be sharing with her or not. Whether it be venue size, rules, or whatever, it’s not acceptable to bring extra people, especially if you don’t know them. 

Post # 7
3646 posts
Sugar bee

NowraJanBride:  It happens all the time, unfortunately, you or your Mom/Dad (whoever’s side the aunt on), will have to make the call, and apologize for the missunderstanding. 

Having gone through 2 daughter’s weddings in the last 17 months, you can’t allow one to add children and not everyone. Of course, exceptions can be made for children of the bride/groom, members of the bridal party, little brothers/sisters, nieces/nephews, but only if you wish. Anyone who would need a seat adds to the venue count – all of which have maximum occupany restrictions, due to fire codes.

Unless it’s a baby carried in a sling – little ones in high chairs/booster seats, carseats on a chair, etc., add to the count. I know that my 1st daughter’s venue charged kids 2-12 about half price ($75 ish). I also computed the cost of having a chair made available for those under 2 years old, in a car/booster seat, and it was $18-$26 per seat; tables were 8 or 10 (tablecloth rental $19 or $21), centerpieces $85 or $135, and each stretchable chair cover was $7. (High chairs $11- $19, with no chair cover). It adds up quick.


Post # 8
4959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

NowraJanBride:  We had a bit of a similar situation – one of my husband’s friends RSVPed yes for himself but no for his wife. At the last minute, he told us his wife was coming and he would share his seat/meal with her. How freaking weird! As if its totally normal to “share” a meal and chair at a wedding! Luckily we were able to just pay for an extra plate – exactly what  I wanted to do once everything was paid for – but it’s so strange to bring two little kids and “share” with them, especially when you don’t know who these little kids are!

Definitely give her a call her and say you can’t accomodate them. 

Post # 9
1180 posts
Bumble bee

NowraJanBride:  “Hi Marge! So glad to see your RSVP! I see you’ve added two children. I apologize if there was any confusion, however we won’t be able to accommodate them. I look forward to seeing you!”  Personally, I wouldn’t offer an explanation on why they can’t be accommodated. First, none of their business, the invitation was just addressed to her. Second, it just gives her a chance to come up with excuses, get around it. Now, at this point, she may respond that she can’t go to your wedding without those two kids. You have to decide if you’re ok with that or not.

Post # 10
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We had one of DH’s friends and his girlfriend wrote a note on the RSVP card rambling about “Is it ok if we call your venue to make sure that our baby (9 months) can have a proper high chair?” and “Don’t worry about food for her, we will bring our own”.  DH had to call his freind and politly let him know that were were having an adults only wedding with the exception of children in the wedding party.  His friend expained that he had assumed all children were invited becasue “that is how his family does it”.  They declined our invite to come without their kid.

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  MrsJM.
Post # 11
6674 posts
Bee Keeper

How rude. 

I would say that you are sorry if there has been a misunderstanding, but unfortunately you won’t be able to accomodate additional children.  No further justification is necessary. Then say that you hope she will still be able attend. 

The truth is, many venues do a head count during dinner and would indeed charge for those children, some at full price, whether they shared with her or not.  

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