Additonal, unaccounted for Guests

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

absolutely_tati: Unbelievable!

Write these words out on a card so you can practice saying them: ” We are sorry but we cannot accomodate extra guests. If this means that you cannot attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”

Do not give any reason like budget, the size of the room etc. It just leaves an opening for them to solve that problem and still bring the extra guests.

Post # 3
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Hold up, 12?!?!??! That’s bananas.

Are you having a casual wedding? What does your FI say? Is this common on his side of the family? What about yours?

Post # 4
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club

Did your invitations include specifics about who was invited? There is a difference between Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Smith Family…

I would make phone calls to these people and be honest. “Sorry for the misunderstanding, but we cannot accomidate the extra guests. I see that you listed some specific food restrictions. Our menu will be ____ with the option of a vegitarian meal. Which would you prefer?”

Sorry this is happening that sucks!

 

Post # 5
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

That.Is.Bananas.

12?!?! Seriously?!?!

I will say a special prayer for your sanity tonight. I can’t believe the level of rudeness. 

Post # 7
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

absolutely_tati:  Oh wow, absolutely not! I can’t believe your FI is trying to accomodate such rudeness! I’d be pissed at him too! While it’s clear that he’s very kind-hearted, I agree with you that there should be no additional guests and I agree that these people are being rude, and YES you can say it: Disrespectful. 

Post # 9
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - county fairgrounds

My fiances family did something kinda like that were his step grandmother went ahead and invited his step aunt, uncle, cousins and their spouses without even asking if this was ok and didn’t bother telling us until his cousin came to us talking about the wedding and she knew too much info about the wedding for someone who wasn’t invited. When he said something to his stepmom about it she asked her mother about it and told her not to iinvite them and she basically said well it’s too late I already did I can’t uninvite them. It caused a huge fight between the 2 ladies and the groom and I just said it’s fine we’ll make it work to appease everyone, but if I had the guts to and wasn’t so nice about things and the anti bridezilla that I am I would have totally lost it on them. So the advice I would give to others (easier said than done I know) is tell them unfortunately when you said plus one you meant ‘x’ persons and anymore than that will not be able to be accommodated for at the wedding and when they say well I already invited them tell them they should have consulted you before inviting so many others. 

As far as the food goes tell them that unfortunately the menu doesn’t allow for substitutions, you can offer them a vegetarian option which they can supplement themselves, what option would they like

Post # 10
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Let people know right up front that you cannot accommodate the extra guests. As far as the food requests, that’s over the top. People can request whatever they want, doesn’t mean you have to pay it any attention.

Post # 11
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

Do not reward their bad behaviour.  They have probably done this before, and were rewarded by being allowed to bring uninvited guests.  Perhaps if other hadn’t caved and wussed out, you wouldn’t have been in this uncomfortable position.

I do not think the vegan request is wrong though.  If they cannot or will not eat those things, it is best to let you know.  Perhaps they could have been more polite about it, but letting someone know about your dietary restrictions is not inherently rude.

Post # 12
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

jordan1027:  but if I had the guts to and wasn’t so nice about things and the anti bridezilla that I am I would have totally lost it on them

<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”><br />It is not bridezilla-ish in any way to stand up for yourself, and politely let them know you cannot accomodate the extra guests.  It is not called nice, it’s called being a pushover/doormat.</div>

Post # 13
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

You need to show us a picture of your invitations (black your personal info out)!

Post # 14
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have said this. 

While we are excited to celebrate with everyone we are unable to accomodate extra people. We hope to see you and … at the wedding. 

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