Post # 1
I have been working on our STDs for about a month now. We have been engaged for 9.5 months. Waaaaaaaay back at the start of our engagement I asked all our parents for a list of full names and addresses of all the people they wanted invited to the wedding. I then brought it up every other month or so, just to keep it in everyone’s minds. My FILs got me their list first, waaaaay back in May. Although they were sort a name or two, as well as some addresses, they said they’d get it all to me ASAP. My mom told me her list over the phone (easy since it was only 6 couples long!) and gave me my cousin’s contact information so she could get me addresses. My cousin got back to me ASAP and I had my mom’s stuff cleared away by August.
Then there is my dad. In October he tells me his list is 75+ people long. I have a near nervous breakdown. I say I am only inviting XYZ people for budget reasons, but please send me the whole list anyhow, I can put people on the B and C lists. Nothing. I remind him at the start of November, when I began working on our STDs that I needed names and addresses by the end of the month. He promised to get it all to me. Here it is December and not a single name or a single address has made its way into my hands. When I e-mailed my dad saying our STDs were going out this week, his response was,”I’m too busy to deal with this. I’ll get to it later, maybe. Maybe by the end of January.”
Ummm…dad? I am sending out wedding stuff RIGHT NOW! I know he is stressed out right now- his finals start next week (yay dad for going back to school in order to follow your dream!) and his uncle, who raised him after his parents died when he was a kid, is dieing of pancreatic cancer. He’s hurting and stressed and not sure what’s going on. But he’s also had 9.5 months to get me this information. He told me in October that he had this information and would get it to me. I love him to death, but he’s got me really frustrated as hell. To top it all off, FILs haven’t gotten me their missing information either.
What would you do in this situation? How much time do I give everyone before it get to a situation where our STDs are irrelevant? Plus, I am slipping the STDs in with our yearly Holiday Cards to save money (since I send the cards out every year anyhow, the only extra, really, were the VistaPrint magnets). I don’t want people to be getting these things after the holidays- that’d be weird and confusing. I just want to shake everyone involved!
Post # 3
I would send the cards to whoever you’ve got addresses for now. Actually since your wedding isn’t until September you could wait until you get your dad’s guest list if you want to send them all at once.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Send them to whoever you have. You can safely wait as late as March (or even later!) to send STDs, so just send the rest when you get them.
Post # 5
I agree with the girls. Send some now and send some later. This way you don’t feel too much stress.
Post # 6
To Everyone- but if I send some of them later, they are inside Christmas cards! Wouldn’t that just be…weird and dated? We wanted to send everything before the new year so people have time to get their vacations in and make plans, especially since almost everyone we are inviting is from out of town. Most people live 3+ hours away by car or they’d have to fly.
Post # 7
I don’t know how to make him give you addresses, but check pipl.com and zabasearch.com for addresses if you already know the names/cities. Better than online yellow or white pages.
Post # 8
I feel your pain – I’m in the same boat, sending out VistaPrint magnet STDs with my holiday cards. And I’m scrounging to get the last few addresses. In your case, it sounds like these are *Christmas* cards, rather than *holiday* cards, so I’m assuming there’s no need to get them in the mail prior to the start of Hanukkah. Therefore, while I totally feel for you and understand your frustration, you don’t HAVE to get them out this week.
I would send out the ones you’ve managed to address, and get back in touch with your dad and FILs and really stress the situation. I’d emphasize that you are aware that your wedding isn’t for quite a while, but you want to make sure that all of the people they want to invite have enough time to make travel arrangements. And if they still don’t get back to you until after the holidays, then you’ll need to decide whether to not send STDs to those people, or send them without holiday cards. For those people, “saving” on postage isn’t really an issue, since they’ll either be getting a holiday card + STD, or just an STD, but it’s not like you’ll be sending them anything twice, since you (annoyingly) don’t have their addresses!
Post # 9
@MissACS- I wish I could do this! however, since I don’t know just about anyone’s last name (when you call someone Aunt/Uncle so-and-so your whole life, you never need to know!) I don’t even have the names to use to look them up. And some of my cousins have married in the last few years, so even if I used to know their last name, it may have changed.
@redherring- Some of my cards are going to Jewish friends and they are Hanukkah cards (although I know none of them would mind getting them a bit late, as I should have sent them out last week to get them to them in time! Bad me!). But yes, the majority of the cards are either Christmas or generic holiday cards. (We’re sending out 5 different kinds of cards!)
My FILs actually finished getting me all names and addresses this afternoon! Yay! I have tried to express to my dad why I need this information now, but he just blows me off. Its really frustrating. I think part of it is that i KNOW his family- if we don’t give them this huge, waaaaay early notice, none of them will come because many of them are older and need time to plan (what to them) such a huge trip. I’ll feel guilty that my dad, who is paying for a big chunk of the wedding, will have no family outside his children there. I want to share our wedding with both sides of my family, but the way it is looking, my dad’s side is going to be left behind and maybe they’ll feel purposefully left out. 🙁 I really don’t want that to happen!
What is it about weddings that makes things crazy? My unstable, unreliable, crazy mother has been an amazing center of calm and collection, not making a single demand or request (outside of asking if she could wear purple to the wedding) and she’s been uber supportive of my ideas and my vision. My calm, collected, sane father has been demanding, overbearing, and an overall not helpful presence in my life. He’s argued with me over nearly every detail i’ve shared with him. So weird!
Post # 10
This free new site gets the addresses for you and keeps them for when you need them http://www.postable.com