Sign up   Login  
It's Almost Here.... but I'm feeling really sad and Frustrated!  :-(
more by echolove
Dinner rehearsal dress?  pics
Save the Date - Can you put Regrets Only?
more in Etiquette
Guest List, limited room, don't know who to cut.
Beauty Sampling Services
more in Boards
I hate to write this...

addressing attire wear on invitations, rude?... pics

posted 6 months ago in Etiquette
  •  
    1.
    Member
    1,020 posts
    Bumble bee
    echolove    October 26, 2013  

    I'm having my wedding at an historic old western, victorian hotel. 1880s union hotel. I want the attire to be semi-formal. Just don't want people to wear jeans, shorts, flannel, regular shirts or sneakers. Does semi-formal say that? How can I address this on the invites or how should I adress it?

    Pics of where my ceremony and reception will take place. We are booking the entire hotel, so I don't mind if people change later on in the night to be more comfortable, but for majority of the day, I was dress up clothes for photos and all. It is a DW. So people will be staying at the same hotel or directly across the streey at a motel. Its almost in the middle of no where. It has an old western feel to the town.

     
    2.
    Member
    1,020 posts
    Bumble bee
    echolove    October 26, 2013  

    ?

     
    3.
    Member Icon
    Member
    2,308 posts
    Buzzing bee
    NAvery    April 5, 2013   Indiana

    I just put "Semi-formal" at the bottom of my reception cards. And on the website I referred to it as a "Semi-formal" reception or "semi-formal reception to follow."

    People will wear what they're going to wear, but for those who want guidance, it will help.

     
    4.
    Member Icon
    Member
    673 posts
    Busy bee
    turkey22    December 13, 2012  

    @echolove:  hhhmmm? You could state that the attire is semi-formal. Problem is that everyones interpretation may be different. Some people just don't dress up as much as others. Sorry I am not much help

     

     
    5.
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    Jer72    December 1, 2012   California

    I think it's totally fine to have semi formal listed on the invite. I wouldn't put it in bold huge letters or anything but it's okay to state it.

    =)

     
    6.
    Member
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    ShutterbugCait    November 2, 2013   Williamsburg, VA

    Do you not trust your guests to dress up for your wedding? I usually go by times of the ceremony as to how dressy the occasion is but I would never show up to a wedding in anything less than a nice dress. Most people I know are the same, weddings are usually known to be an event you have to dress up a little bit at least.

     
    7.
    Member
    1,234 posts
    Bumble bee
    phillybride61513    June 15, 2013   Atlanta, wedding in Philadelphia

    Martha says it's ok to include an attire card:

    http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/228648/etiquette-wedding-invitation-enclosures/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#191685

    I could see how people could get confused and start dressing like Wild West Cowboys/girls based on this venue (which is super cool, btw).

    The formality of your inviations should also help to tip-off guests as to what to wear.

     
    8.
    988 posts
    Busy bee
    VAwife    August 1, 2011  

    @turkey22:  Yea, the problem is that to some people "semi-formal" means a suit instead of tux and to others it means jeans. I find that "Cocktail attire" is generally understood, so I would use that.

     
    9.
    Member
    2,077 posts
    Buzzing bee
    MLDoddie    June 2013  

    I'm not quite sure what the etiquette is for wording on an invitation... 

    In my mind, semi formal would be shirts and ties (no jackets) and sun dress.  I would probably have to contact someone in the family just to clarify.

    Beautiful location, BTW! Totally jealous!!!

     
    10.
    Hostess
    10,474 posts
    Sugar
    Beekeeper
    Gemstone    July 2011  

    I usually judge attire based on the time of the event, the venue, and the formality of the invite. But like others said, I'd never wear anything less formal than a cocktail dress unless instructed to. That said, I wouldn't be bothered by the mention of "semi formal" on an invite.

     
    11.
    Member
    1,335 posts
    Bumble bee
    WhiteWedding    October 6, 2012   SF Bay Area, CA

    @echolove:  What a beautiful venue!! I don't think you need to include a dress code if you are only trying to avoid jeans. Most people (not all) have more common sense than that!

    I think the general feeling around here is that you can put dress code on your website or through word-of-mouth, unless it is black tie, which is acceptable to put on the invite. 

     
    12.
    Member
    2,001 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Westwood    September 1, 2012   Wisconsin

    Personally I wouldn't put anything on the invites and assume your friends/family know what is appropriate to wear to a wedding. It really depends on your guests though. I've seen some invites that say "wear your sunday best" or something along those lines too.

    We didn't put anything on our invites and only one person came really under dressed, which honestly was pretty expected of him (real classy guy, let me tell ya!).

     
    13.
    Member Icon
    Member
    2,308 posts
    Buzzing bee
    NAvery    April 5, 2013   Indiana

    @ShutterbugCait:  Yeah, I don't trust one side of the wedding guests to dress appropriately without guidance, hence the "semi-formal." Semi-formal to them will be like nice casual to the other side, but at least it should keep most people from wearing t-shirts with holes in them.

    o_O. I know. It is two very different "cultural" areas the sides are from.

     
    14.
    Member
    5,539 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Meowkers    August 27, 2011   Los Angeles, CA

    That location looks so awesome!  I think semi formal attire is perfect for the venue.  I would just have a small note at the bottom of the reception card saying something like "semi-formal attire requested"

     
    15.
    Member Icon
    Member
    5,696 posts
    Bee Keeper
    MrsWBS       

    Technically, semiformal means dark suits for men and afternoon or cocktail dresses for women. Sounds to me, you're more looking for business casual or business formal.

    I also don't really think putting attire on an invitation is necessary unless it is black tie requested.  People should know what is and is not acceptable for a wedding. If they have questions, they can contact you directly.  It is rude to assume that people don't know what to wear by telling them on the invitation. 

    http://www.emilypost.com/everyday-manners/your-personal-image/69-attire-guide-dress-codes

     
    16.
    Member
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    JKaitlin    October 13, 2012   Texas

    I forgot to include any information on the attire, but I was thinking of going with an attire card. But, it slipped my mind. So, instead, part of my family ended up asking my step-mom what was okay to wear, and others just asked me directly. So, it was more "word of mouth" in my situation. 

    BTW, I LOVE your venue! Sure wish I had something like that around where I live. 

     
    17.
    Member
    6,412 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Pinkmoon    February 14, 2014   Canada

    I would think it's pretty common knowledge not to wear jeans, sneakers etc to a wedding. Most people would not do that. There are always a few who don't seem to know common sense but I don't think including dress code on the invitation would help those people. You know your guests - do you really think many of them would wear jeans? If so you could include it but be prepared for some people to still not listen. If the majority of them normally dress appropriately I don't think the dress code is needed. That seems like normal wedding attire to me!

     
    18.
    Member
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    ShutterbugCait    November 2, 2013   Williamsburg, VA

    @NAvery:  I do understand that, I have a feelling one of my cousins needs a picture of what he needs to wear. He went to an outdoor wedding last year and said because it was outdoors he figured it wasn't that formal so wore a shirt and jeans. I guess someone told him it was dressier because he stopped at the DOLLAR STORE for a tie and a fedora. So excited to invite him BTW.

     
    19.
    Member Icon
    Member
    2,308 posts
    Buzzing bee
    NAvery    April 5, 2013   Indiana

    Here's an example of a wedding invitation from the side I don't trust - she put "We are asking that people wear their Sunday best. Jeans are fine, but no holes please."

    Does not compute.

     
    20.
    Member Icon
    Member
    5,696 posts
    Bee Keeper
    MrsWBS       

    At the end of the day, you're not going to notice if a guest or two is not dressed appropriately, nor should you care. The only person that's going to feel dumb is the person who is underdressed!

     
    21.
    Member
    2,427 posts
    Buzzing bee
    BooRadley    April 2013   Virginia

    If your guests have a history of wearing jeans to fancy events, I would find a way to address it (either on a card or (even better) your website and word of mouth).  BUT if you've never seen your guests act that way before, I would trust them to make their own decisions.  Cocktail dress and suits are the norm for wedding attire for most people.

     
    22.
    Member
    5,410 posts
    Bee Keeper
    EffieTrinket        Oklahoma

    @MrsWBS:  +1.

    I've always heard it was a bit rude to put this on invitations, as well. But your wedding website would be a great place for it. If you feel your friends and family are the more relaxed type who wouldn't think it rude, go ahead and put it, but traditionally the formality of the wedding was signaled by the style of the invitation itself.

     
    23.
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    Day_In_The_Life    September 1, 2013   Portland, OR

    I am putting business formal on our invitations, mainly because I live in Portland and semi-formal here means jeans and nice shirt.

     
    24.
    Member
    1,556 posts
    Bumble bee
    emilygrace07    June 25, 2011   Brooklyn. NY married in Cincinnati, OH

    I had "semi-formal reception to follow" on mine.  No one complained.  I think it's helpful for me to know too as a guest what I should be wearing.  I've been way over dressed at a wedding before.

     
    25.
    Member
    1,254 posts
    Bumble bee
    BookishBelle    January 20, 2013   CT/Baltimore, MD

    I literally just put pictures on my website. The invitation said "Cocktail attire" but I know some of my FI's friends aren't...let's say the classiest...so I  have pictures on our wedding website saying "What does cocktail attire mean? If you're wearing this [picture of sundress and man in khakis] you are underdress. If you're wearing this [woman in long gown, man in full fux] you are overdressed. If you're wearing this [woman in cocktail dress, man in suit] you are juuuuust right!" Several people have already commented saying thanks I had no clue what that meant, lol

     
    26.
    Member
    1,675 posts
    Bumble bee
    RunsWithBears    September 29, 2012  

    Unless it's black-tie, a dress code should not be included on the invites.  Your guests are adults and should know how to dress for a wedding - it's rude to imply otherwise.  However, I do think it's ok to put a dress code on your wedding webiste.

     
    27.
    Member
    1,100 posts
    Bumble bee
    BlondeBee    February 22, 2014  

    @NAvery:  that just made me laugh. 

    I think "semi-formal" can be taken so many ways. That venue is pretty amazing, so maybe a play on your theme would be neat. "We're getting hitched in style, so leave the jeans and dust off your best cocktail attire!" 

    Something cute and funny will direct people in a subtle, appropriate manor.

     
    28.
    Member
    5,539 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Meowkers    August 27, 2011   Los Angeles, CA

    @Day_In_The_Life: I would have no idea what "business formal" means.  I don't think that's an actual dress code.  In my mind it would mean a business suit for both men and women and I don't think that's what you want.

     
    29.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,041 posts
    Bumble bee
    W292737    July 6, 2013   Iowa

    I would not put it on the invite, okay or not.

     

    I would trust my guests, and if I know someone might need guideance I would enlist a family member to talk to them and let them know what is or is not okay to wear

     
    30.
    Member Icon
    Member
    840 posts
    Busy bee
    BridieBea    December 3, 2015   Glasgow

    @echolove:  Ermm...I would put semi-formal on the invites, but I think most people know how to dress for a wedding (or at least have some idea of what is NOT appropriate) so I think you'll be fine. It's not something you majorly need so stress about. 

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.

    No tags yet.





    Copyright 2004-2013, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee


    More
    User Posts Today
    pengoala 60
    Laurenplusalex 44
    orangecountylicious 44
    Chelwilly 37
    Rubbs 35
    SnoopDog 28
    wandering_gypsy 27
    weddingbound 26
    lawbride88 25
    kat2014 24
    User Posts Today
    HopefulForLittleOne 4
    Britt214 4
    pengoala 3
    bebero 3
    FLBlonde93 2
    julies1949 1
    kay01 1
    Atalanta 1
    andielovesj 1
    AB Bride 1

    Favors by Weddingbee

    Shop Now ยป


    Etiquette

    More