(Closed) Addressing envelope for someone who is seperatedfrom husband

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Not sure what you mean by "former last name."  Many divorced women keep their former husband’s names – heaven knows why, but they do. It seems that very few actually change back to their maiden name.  I would address the envelope as if she was already divorced – Ms. Jane Smith – assuming that Smith is her married name.  (As opposed to Mrs. John Smith.)  I absolutely wouldn’t use her maiden name, unless she has actually changed her name legally to drop her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s name.

Post # 5
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

If she is still signing her checks and getting her bills with her current name, I’d use that.  If she felt so strongly about things that she is already back to using her maiden name, then I would use that.  I would bet that she is still using his name.  I have girlfriends whose husbands cheated on them in very public ways and totally screwed them in the divorce, and they haven’t gone back to their maiden names.  Odds are good that your friend won’t either.  My FI’s ex cheated on him and walked out on both him and their kids, saying that she didn’t want any of them – and still kept his name.  If I was him, I would have made it part of the settlement that she stop using it, but obviously I’m in the minority on this issue.

Post # 6
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would definitely try to figure out which name she would prefer. When I was separated from my first husband, I used my maiden name everywhere I could and immediately legally changed it back as soon as I was able to. It didn’t offend me to get invitations and such in my married name, but it did kind of irk me a little, because the name reminded me of stuff I didn’t really want to think about.

Post # 7
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Good for you sweetvenus! 

You know, probably the right thing is just to call or email her and ask.  I’m sure she will actually appreciate you trying to do the thing that she would prefer, whatever it is.

Post # 8
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Since she isn’t legally divorced yet, I would assume that you’d address it to her in her married name.  I would not include her husband’s name since you know she’s separated, but if you decide to allow her to bring a guest, you can address it as Ms. Jane Smith and Guest.

Or, as suzanno said, have your FI ask her how’d she’d like it addressed.  I have some divorced friends who quickly changed their names make to the maiden name, but some women keep the married name after a divorce if they had kids so that they all have the same last name.  It really does come down to personal preference.

Post # 9
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think you should address it to her as her name is now. Some people when they divorce don’t go back to maiden names, both my aunt and former sister in law both kept married names.

Post # 10
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I was in a similar predicament— trust me it’s not as big a deal as we make it!

I just did MS. NOT MRS.

If she changed or intends on changing her name, she’ll do so on her RSVP, so you know what to put on her escort card.

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