Addressing envelopes, did I screw up the most basic thing?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I didn’t have a set way of addressing them, (and I didn’t use Mr & Mrs).  If I knew the woman took her husband’s name it was Hername & hisname Lastname.  If she kept her name it was HerFirst HerLast & HisFirst HisLast.  (We added & Family for any children under 3.  Kids over 4 years got their own invite, because who doesn’t like getting mail and we had enough.  There weren’t that many and they were all neices/nephews.) 

The only people who would see each other’s invites (maybe) would be close family.  And they should be happy I addressed them at all, I could have just written first names on the envelopes. 

We weren’t the most formal, so this probably won’t help. But I would be annoyed if I got an invite that listed me as Mrs. HisFirst OurLast (after we’re married.)  I am not John Doe.  I’m Jane Doe.  You call me Jane when you see me, so I’d like Jane on my invite.  

That might just be me though. 

 

Post # 3
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Allyg:  The only technically correct format is “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe” or “Mr. and Mrs. Doe.”

You are right that “Mrs.” should not be followed by a woman’s first name. And a man’s first name should never be separated from his last name. So “Mr. and Mrs. Jane and John Doe” is incorrect.

With that said, you should always address people as they prefer to be addressed. So if you know that Jane Doe hates being addressed as Mrs. John Doe (as some younger women do), you should address her however she prefers.

Just wanted to add that I don’t think it is a huge deal, especially for younger generations, so I wouldn’t stress about it too much. But to the extent that you are interested in being technically correct with your formal invitations, that is how you do it.

Post # 4
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was very against doing “Mr and Mrs John Doe.  So it was either Ms. Jane and Mr. John Doe or Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe if they had different last names.  If it was technically incorrect, so be it.  I don’t think anyone was too offended!  I’m sure your invitations are just fine!  🙂

Post # 5
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

The actual the correct ways of addressing a married couple with the same last name:<br />1.  Mr. and Mrs. John Doe<br />2.  Ms. Mary Doe and Mr. John Doe

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  doeydo.
Post # 6
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

doeydo:  Good call, I forgot to mention that option!

Post # 7
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Urgh! I hate the tradition of using his first name for both of you.  It’s so outdated that a woman’s only identity is as her husband’s wife and I’d much prefer any style of address to that.

Post # 10
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

married = one line

not married = separate

Post # 11
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

Yup, one line.

Post # 12
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

For our family and friends who would prefer it, we went with “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe”. While it may not technically be correct, I think ultimately making your guests happy is the most important thing. So, for our more modern-thinking friends, we went with the above. My old-school aunts and uncles got Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, FI’s grandma got “Mrs. John Doe” since she’s a widow.

Post # 13
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Some etiquette books need to get out of the 1950s. Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe is just fine. I’d rather violate 1950s etiquette than offend either person by omitting their first name.

Except for my grandmothers, we just left titles off the invitations altogether, and simply addressed them the same we’d address any other letter or card to them: “John and Jane Doe”.

Post # 14
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It should be listed as: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe or Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.  It’s not proper etiquette to say Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors