Post # 1
My brother lives with his long term girlfriend, and both are in the bridal party. His son, E, is our ring bearer. I’m wondering how to address their invitation since Girlfriend is not the mom (brother & his ex share joint custody).
Mr. Brother, Ms. Girlfriend & E
Mr. Brother, Ms. Girlfriend & family
The Brother/Girlfriend Family (with last names only)
Post # 3
if I remember right from the etiquette book I was given on this topic, the “correct” way to address the envelope would be
Mr. Brother Twalila
This is because, according to the etiquette books, unmarried couples are suppose to be on seperate lines with the main invitee first and you’re not suppose to put the name of people 18 and under on the outter invitation. (They also say this is the “correct” way to address the envelopes for gay couples- married or not!)
Now me, I threw that mostly out the window. When we sent our Save-The-Date Cards (and we’ll do our invites the same) I wrote mine (for living together couples and gay couples):
Mr. Brother Twalila & Miss Girlfriend
Since I live with my Fiance and I feel very strongly about acknowleding gay relationships, I would be offended if I got an invite that looked like the “correct” way to do it. But…I’m werid like that.
Post # 4
Thanks for the input! I hate that I even care how these stupid things get addresses (especially since I KNOW my brother won’t even look at the envelope anyway!), but alas I’m afraid of doing it ‘wrong”.
Post # 5
I would do:
Mr. Brother Name
Ms. Girlfriend Name
Miss. Daughter name
Mr. Brother Name and Ms. Girlfirend Name
Miss. Daughter Name
I know technically you aren’t supposed to put unmarried people on the same line, but I don’t care too much about that rule myself 😉 I would just use the daughter’s name since would only take about the same amount of space as “and family” and it’s more precise.
Post # 6
I don’t know who invented that “rule” about unmarried couples going on different lines, but it certainly wasn’t Amy Vanderbilt back in the 1950’s, or Emily Post back in the 1920’s, or George Routledge back in the 1880’s. I’ve read their various books and articles. Traditional etiquette politely assumes that if two people are living together as husband and wife, that they must be secretly married (and that if they AREN’T, it isn’t any business of Traditional Etiquette to delve into the situation). So I treat couples who live together as husband and wife EXACTLY as I would treat any married couple who live together as husband and wife. Or husband and husband for that matter, or wife and wife.
The minor child could get his own invitation, or he could be included on a second line after his dad-and-partner. If you are being formal you don’t use first names, so it would be:
Mr Brother and Ms Girlfriend
and you use “Ms”, “Miss”, “Mrs” or “Mm” or “Mme” for Ms Girlfriend depending ONLY on what title she prefers to use for herself.
Post # 7
I agree with the seperate lines. I did that when I was inviting unmarried couples to the wedding.
Post # 8
I’m a Post fan and I’m also wondering where this ‘unmarried people do 2 lines’ etiquette rule came from? I say
Mr. *** and M(iss, s., Mme.) ****
and Family / ***** (daughter’s name)
Ps. Good on you for trying to find etiquette rules. I care about it! Even if you’re non-traditional there are etiquette rules specifically for those situations!
Post # 9
are you doing an inner envelope? i’d totally cheat and just put your brother’s name on the outer envelope, and then address the inner envelope more casually “to brother, girlfriend, and cute lil guy”
Post # 10
It should be addressed Mr. brother and Ms. brothers gf and family.
I’ll admit Fiance and I only know two couples who aren’t married and live together one with and one with out.
They will be adressed like this:
Mr. Timothy Barnwell and Ms. Jayna Daniels
If they have kids it would be:
Mr. Timothy Barnwell and Ms. Jayna Daniels and family
Post # 11
Thanks everybody! I guess I’m just worried it’ll seem out of place to put “Family” since the Girlfriend is neither the mom nor stepmom.
I think I may also just be looking for any excuse to put off addresses these things…