(Closed) Addressing question

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Lizzy723:  I just put and Family for everyone who had kids rather than listing the individual names. So I’d put Mr. and Mr.s John Smith and Family.

Post # 4
964 posts
Busy bee

Say the the child’s name was Sophie. Wouldn’t “and Family” include the wife’s daughter? Do they have any children together?

Could you send the daughter and her boyfriend they’re own separate invitation, addressed to the daughter you’re closer with?


Post # 5
3721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013


Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Lizzy (no last name for under 18)



For the +1, do you know his name (can facebook help)? I would go:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Ms. Elizabeth Smith

Mr. Christopher Doe


With no “and”. And implies you are married (we had a couple who were dating with the same last name)

Post # 7
1686 posts
Bumble bee

Correct form, is to address the outer envelope containing the invitation to the adult or adults in the household who are responsible for receiving and opening social mail. In the English-speaking world outside of the United States that is presumed to be the lady of the house unless you know otherwise. In the United States it is presumed to be the joint heads of house unless you know otherwise. Outer envelopes are a business document, so you use the lady’s official name: title, given-name and surname.

In the invitation itself, or if you do not have a write-in line on your invitation proper then on the inner envelope, you list the social names of everyone who is invited. So, for a formal invitation use the formal names: title and surname with no given names, or title and given name with no surname for younger siblings; for an informal invitation use first names only.

Remember that in any case correct form requires that you use the form of name that the name’s owner herself prefers. That is almost never “Mrs John Doe” unless she is very formal and proper; it is most commonly “Mrs Jane Doe” even though that was a forbidden name-format until the very late twentieth century; and less commonly but more acceptable to old-fashioned ladies who wrote social notes prior to the late twentieth century, “Ms Jane Doe”.

So for the family with the daughter, use:
(Outer envelope, USA) Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Doe
(Outer envelope, elsewhere) Ms Jane Doe
(invitation, or inner envelope) Mr and Mrs Doe
                                           Miss Smith

For the family with the long-term boyfriend, do exactly as above; then place a second invitation addressed to Mr. Longterm inside the same outer envelope. The daughter can deliver it to him, and he can put it up on his own mantlepiece to remember that he has a social engagement that day, and you will not have inappropriately included him in the wrong family. Actually, if the daughter is old enough to have a long-term boyfriend, she is probably out of the schoolroom herself and conducting her own social life. So actually, she should have a separate invitation too, but you can put all three in the same outer envelope.

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