Addressing STD's question

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Hmmm. I would call my mom and just say that she has a +1! Are you close with her boyfriend/know him in any way? I’d be comfortable just telling my mom she can bring whatever date she wants 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think, technically, you’re supposed to send your mom’s to her house and her boyfriend’s to his house. If they’re the type that follow etiquette rules, that’s what I’d do. If they’re more laid back, you could just put her name and then his below hers and send it to her house.

Post # 5
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My sister has been with her SO for 6 years, but they still live at home (they’re 22 and 21, so still babies). I’m planning on sending them one STD, addressed to both of them. 

Post # 6
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with just telling mom that of course she gets a plus one.   If you are close with her, I would have this in connection with a discussion that not everyone will get a plus one (if that is the case), if people call her, she should indicate she can not add invites.  You might also discusss with her if you are not inviting children,  etc. and she is not to allow any.

Post # 7
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

in my instances like this (long term couple, living seperately), I just sent the STD to the person in the couple I was close with/actually inviting (so in this case, your mom) with the SO listed on the next line. So it’d be:

Mom Smith

Boyfriend Jones

123 main st

town, state

If it was a couple where both people would be invited even if they weren’t together, then they got their own individual STD.

we’re doing the same for invitations. I guess I never gave though to if that’s appropriate or not, but invitations and stds aren’t cheap! If the BF is a newer one and May not be around come wedding day, then I’d do mom and guest.

Post # 8
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I sent one to each household.

For couples that were living together [like my brother & his girlfriend], I used “the xxx family”. They have a child together.. and technically speaking.. his girlfriend is only invited because he is.

For those where there were multiple families with different last names living under 1 roof, I listeed all of their names…

So it was like..

Aaron & Lee xxx

Granny xxxx

Gabrielle xxxx

followed by their address.

Now of course, I know they’ll each need their own invite for the wedding, but I thought sending 3+ std magnets to 1 household was a little overboard!

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@StL.Ashley:  I’m doing the same thing – and I’ve received invitations for my now live-in fiance at my address before we lived together. 

Post # 10
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

“Save the dates” instruct guests to make arrangements to take time off and travel. Etiquette has no strong rules about how to address pre-printed mass-mail type Save-The-Date cards, because etiquette recognizes them for what they are — advance advertising format borrowed from the convention industry, and a cold impersonal way of sharing personal news — and suggests not using them: first, because it is pre-emptory and entitled to order people to SAVE THE DATE! and rearrange their vacation plans around you months in advance; and second because a proper polite alternative already exists.

The polite alternative is to send individual hand-written notes to everyone whose presence is essential to your enjoyment of your wedding day. Out of respect for the twenty-first century, etiquette would also entertain the notion of sending them an individual email or phoning them, or even using Skype. Surely your mother, of all people, would be a little non-plussed to get such personal news in a bulk-printed flyer?

However, if you are so excited to see your name in print alongside your finance’s, that you have your heart set on sending out the cards, just send them to the people whose presence you will absolutely and undoubtably desire. A save-the-date is just a prior notice, not an invitation. Just send it to your mother. When you get around to the invitations themselves you can take yourself in hand and force yourself to send one to your mother’s gentleman-friend: in his own name, and to his own address.

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