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@Jamieg: STDs are considered to be an informal piece, so you can leave off titles, but the wedding invititation itself is formal, so the wedding planning and etiquette book say to use their name and title.
So for the STDs, "Jane and John Doe", "Jane and John Doe/ and Family", "John Doe and John James" is fine. In case of gay couples or two unmarried females, the rules is to list them alphabetically.
Traditionally, the wedding invitation would have two envelopes- an inner and an outer envelope. In that case, the outer would only have the formal name of the guest, and the inside would have something like "Uncle John, Aunt Jane, Julie and Bettie". But many people forgo the inner envelope. In that case "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe / and Family" or "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe / Julie and Bettie" seems common. It is debatable at what age children should be addressed with titles.
I hope this helps. I've already finished my envelopes and spend a lot of time researching the details of how-to, so feel free to PM me if you have more questions.
I think looking at comprehensive etiquette guidelines will help folks like you (and me!). I didn't realize there were so many different considerations and permutations of addresing invitations based on genders, marital status, degrees (doctor, military), etc.
Maybe this site will help: http://www.wedalert.com/content/articles/address_invitations.asp. Good luck!
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I'm pretty new to all of this and wondering what the proper way to address the W.I. & STD's: For example:
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe (add and family?)
John and Jane Doe
What about addressing to gay couples?
John Doe and John James?
or
Mr. John Doe and Mr. John James???
Help, please? : )