Weddingbee boards

We will be! Just discussing if we want to start right away or take a little time since our TTC journey was long and difficult. Plus I'm doing research on private attorneys and foster care adoption. We know for sure we will not be going through a private agency.

There are higher legal risks, not to mention costs with an agency. First with an agency, parental termination of rights is done in private at the agency. You can have a lawyer present on your behalf but the birthparents may not have access or financial means to an attorney and things could go wrong and overturn the adoption. With a private attorney, everything is done through the probate court in front of a judge and both birth parents and adoptive parents have attorney representation. Also, with attorneys, the adoptive parents have direct placement and custody through the whole process. With an agency, they have the legal rights to the child and can remove the child from your home as they see fit during the process before the adoption is final. If something does go wrong
and they remove the child, they then choose the next arrangements for the child as they see fit without any consultation from the birthparents. They have no legal obligation to contact the birth mom in this case and I feel that is deceiving to them. The amount of clients being handled is another issue. With am attorney we are talking to, his practice will only work with 15 couples at a time. Now while this may cause a wait, a social worker can gave a much larger case load at an agency and couples can run the risk of slower process due to the high volume of cases. Finally is the cost. Agencies have fees on top of what adoptive patents usually cover i.e. Medical, Legal & Court. An agency additional fees can be up to an additional 10,000. Now with an agency alot of that fees gies to researching and finding a family for you, while with an attorney you have to put yourself out there. Make web pages, promote yourself and look on your own too. I feel it gives yourself more freedom and options. Private attorney adoptions range from $8,000-$14,000 while agency ranges are $20,000-$30,000. I feel with attorneys not only are you more protected but so is your birth mom and for someone like me that wants a fully open adoption, her rights and safety are just as important as ours.

Now we are also looking at foster care which is a total different process from either scenario above! However, I almost was placed in foster care as a child and afterwards grew up with a family that worked with foster children and with CPS, so my heart is there. Plus we are highly interested in sibling pairs and there is more of a chance with that happening through the system. We are still weighing out our options!

I understand! I'm going off the costs 3 different attorneys and 2 agencies have given us that we've actually spoken to. The 3 attorneys we talked to had an average of about $14,000 but of course that cost can go higher depending on how long your process is and how one bills. Sone attorneys do bill per hour and some have a flat fee. It also varies if the birthmom has medical coverage of her own or through the state. If none, that cost is passed to you. I'm in Ohio and I'm sure costs vary by state and situations. I'm finding the same issue with birth father rights! It's like they aren't even a factor, so sad!

@shedayz: You are a wonderful inspiration for me! I would love to hear your story! Are any of them siblings?

I'm not down this road yet but I'm very interested in the process.  We're still weighing our options as to how we want to adopt (private, foster-to-adopt, embryo).  Good luck!!!

First off, I am always so impressed with families who are going the adoption route! I think it is an amazing way to build a family.  We are not planning on it at this point, but our nephew was adopted from Guatemala - and his older sister is a bio child.  It is lovely to see how the family is just like any other and how the parents' love is no different between the two.  Happy to share anything about what I have learned as an aunt to these two kiddos (and some of the challenges my nephew is facing as he is getting older).

Good luck to everyone!!

My husband and I are beginning the walk to road. We're currently researching adopting slightly older children from the foster care system in a few years.

 I'd love to hear more stories from people who have gone this route. In a perfect world, we would love to adopt a sibling group of 3-5 children.

@Mrs. DG:  If you don't mind, I'd be interested in hearing your questions.

Here is a list I was given that has some detailed questions if anyone is interested. I also have an attorney list of questions if anyone wants those too.

Hope this and MRS. DG list helps someone:

How long have you've been doing adoptions?

Is license in good standing (Check with the board yourself as well)?

Non-Profit or For-Profit?

Types of children you place?

How many adoptive placements have you made?

How many children in the past year? Newborns?

Any restrictions on who can adopt?

How long will it take to have our homestudy approved?

If not approved, can we find out why?

How often does the homestudy need to be updated/reviewed? (Usually only good for 6-9 months)

Do you require foster care for children?

Average wait time between homestudy and placement. What happens if we do not accept a match?

Who has custody of child during transition/waiting for adoption approval?

Total cost of adoption from beginning to end?

What costs are not covered?

If the adoption is contested, do these fees cover that?

How many of your cases have been challenged?

Can I talk with families who've adopted with your agency?

Are there support groups/training classes offered?

Who counsels the birthparent?

Do the birthparents have a seperate attorney?

Who chooses the BP counselor?

When does BP attorney get involved-Early in process or when papers are needing to be signed?

Who chooses BP attorney-Agency or BP?

Are the adoptive parents allowed to have an attorney present when rights are surrendered to ensure safety and protocol is followed?

Where does BP sign permanent surrender papers? Agency, In private or in Probate Court?

We are doing preliminary research on it, but it is still too early to 100% rule out another bio kid.  While I probably can get pregnant again, I don't think it would be good for my body.  I'm still having a lot of "issues" from having CoWboy in August.  I'm hoping that if we do adoption I could still maybe breastfeed some, since I've done it before!

Edit: even if we have another bio kid, we are still hoping to foster and/or adopt after we are done having bio kids, so the research will be good either way and is why we are preliminarily leaning towards foster to adopt

@Mrs. DG: Congrats and Good Luck!

We have decided to go through the Foster Care system for our adoption. We've decided that we will probably start the process in late August/Early fall bc we need some time to recover from the infertility. I wish you guys all the best!

@Mrs. DG:  I don't have any wisdom but wish you and your husband good luck!  It's exciting from my perspective seeing all of this, I hope you're able to continue updating us along the way.

@Mrs. DG: I'm a little surprised about the intimacy question.  Very exciting though to see progress on your adoption! 

I was curious and if this is too personal, just ignore the questions.  My Fiance and I have discussed that when we adopt, do we want to adopt an older child, toddler, or baby?  My Fiance holds the thought that he'd prefer to adopt a child that is younger than or about the same age as our current child(ren) so that he has experience with those particular age groups prior to adoption.  I was wondering if you and your husband are aiming for a particular age group and how you decided?  or if you're going to decide along the way?  And does the adoption agency ask you on that questionaire what your preferences are in terms of age?