(Closed) Adult only reception, its our day..so I thought!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@FutureMrs86:  I’m getting negative feedback on our decision for an adults only wedding as well.  Stick to your guns!  People can be very rude, so have the wedding YOU want!

Post # 5
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FutureMrs86:  

I don’t think you have to invite the kid if you don’t want to. I also think if you decide to invite this one kid (maybe your FI wants to?) that doesn’t automatically mean you have to invite everyy kid you know. (Why do people never say “If we invite one gay/straight/jewish/baptist/catholic/hindu/white/black/asian/vegetarian/republican we know, then we have to invite them all!” yet somehow it makes sense if you put “child” in there.)

I also don’t think you need to bash on the mom for verifying that the kid wasn’t included in the invitation. It sounds like she just called to make sure. (I don’t understand why people get so worked up about this… so a guest didn’t understand something on the invitation that you thought was clear. Just answer the question and move on with life. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The only reason I would say he could  be invited is if he is significantly older than the rest of the children and it could be justified as we cut kids off at age 15 or whatever, but otherwise I say stick to your guns.  When we say no children we really mean no one that’s going to be running around annoying everyone and/or have to have a kids meal!  Our youngest is 13 and 15, everyone after that is 18 and over.  It was tough because I have a smaller family than FI does, so all of my (4 cousins) got invited and he has pretty much had to pick and choose which cousins to invite (based on age and who he is closest with).  But, no one has had an issue with it yet.  i think when you are part of a huge family like his, they kind of “get it” that you can’t invite every single one of them!

Post # 7
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree. Whatever. It’s your wedding do what you want. Personally, I don’t want little kids running around at my wedding, which is why we are having it adults only. I didn’t get invited to ANY of my aunts weddings and I don’t think my fiancé got invited to many either. Our parents had to pay for a babysitter so they should as well. 

Post # 8
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This sounds like me – ours was at a smaller restaurant with private dining space and we had a small budget – so first thing we did was cut the guest list, which mean my 15 cousins, the oldest being 7 years younger than me! Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but it was a cocktail style reception with heavy hors d’oeuvres and not super friendly for the 7-20 year old crowd. We ended up giving in on having them come to the ceremony (I wasn’t comfortable with it, but mom really wanted that) and then they all went to one of my aunt’s houses outside the city to hang out while their parents went to the reception.

I did sort of make up for the adult only reception by having a bbq for the cousins at my parents’ house the next day, so perhaps offer that as a suggestion to appease your mom?

Post # 9
Member
8164 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s your decision. We’re having a kids free wedding too, but we basically said if they were old enough not to need a babysitter they could come. I mainly didn’t want little kids running around screaming lol.

Post # 11
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Stick to your guns. We had to invite two kids otherwise my family from across the country couldn’t make it, but they’ll be sitting at a table of adults and I won’t hesitate to tell my father to speak with their dad if they start to get obnoxious for whatever reason- I really don’t think they’ll be an issue. I know some people will be mad when they see that there are two kids there, but other than that one situation we are across the board not inviting kids.

Post # 12
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FutureMrs86:  

I think it’s like inviting anyone else. You invite the people you want there, regardless of age. If you don’t really want to invite the kid, and it only came up because the kid’s grandma is making noise about it, stick to it. But if this particular cousin’s kid was an important person to your FI in his own right, then he should be invited, if that’s what your FI wants.

Post # 14
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrs86:  “I just don’t understand this. When I was younger I was never invited to weddings, only my parents went!”

Can I just say amen to that? Aside from my uncle’s wedding in which my sister and I were flower girls, I was NEVER invited to weddings when I was a kid. I didn’t care (probably would have been boring!), my parents didn’t care, and they never would have dreamed to ask if my younger sister and I were invited. In fact, I remember one time when my sister and I were both in our young teens (probably close to 13 in fact….) we traveled with my parents to an out of town wedding and we hung out in the hotel room eating room service and watching TV while my parents were at the wedding. We had a blast! I’ve been thinking a lot lately, when did people decide that their children MUST be invited to all weddings? Ridiculous.

Post # 15
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My only problem with how you chose to do things is that you are already making an exception. I think there is nothing wrong with an adult only reception as long as that means there are no kids whatsoever at it. You are already including some kids and not others, IMO that is wrong. 

If you want to do an adult only reception then you should have an adult only bridal party, otherwise you are just going to piss off everyone in your family that thinks their kids should have been invited when they see that you already made exceptions for those in you wedding party.

Post # 16
Member
6472 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Scc6a:  Ditto! As a kid, I was NEVER invited to weddings. I can remember in my childhood only going to 2 weddings. One was for a cousin and one for a family friend that was tiny (as in like maybe 30 people total). I didn’t attend any other weddings until I was an adult. Any weddings where I was invited my parents attended without us kids. I just don’t understand this shift in our society that all of a sudden kids are expected to be included in everything? My parents used to go out to dinner with friends at least once a month without us kids. It was never assumed we would go too.

It’s a huge issue for me these days. Kids are expected to “win” at everything. They should be invited everywhere. Gosh forbid you’re not welcome in an upscale restaurant. Play a sport? You’ll get a trophy even if you lost!

OP, stick to your guns. I love children, but I absolutely hate them at weddings. I just feel like a formal evening wedding is not a place for kids. Low-key family BBQ? Absolutely. Formal wedding? Nope. We said “no kids” and so far haven’t had any issues. One mom grumbled about it, and in the end they’re not coming because they want to go skiing this winter and decided to save the time off work. 

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