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Adult Only Reception - kids up to a certain time?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
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    1.
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    Blushing bee
    Lassroyale    October 15, 2011  

    I was just wondering if that's within appropriate and good ettiquette to do.  I cannot not have my niece and nephew at the reception even though they are not in the wedding party.  However, ideally I would like an adult-only reception as it is going to be later at night and I want the parents to have fun and not be worrying about their children running around.  Besides, I'm not a huge fan of kids.

    Yet, because my niece and nephew will be there, I feel as if I cannot rightly say to other guests: "Please do not bring your children."  So I wondered if it is appropriate to have on the invitations something like: "Children welcome until 8:00PM.  After 8:00PM it is adults only"

    Would that work? That way kids get to be at the party for a little bit and the parents too, and that way nobody feels as if they've been excluded because of their children.  After 8 it would be their choice to leave altogether or to have made arrangements for their kids - my sister's children included.

    Please let me know!

     
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    KatNYC2011    September 24, 2011   London, UK (american expat)

    @Lassroyale: I think unless you are providing a babysitter/playroom/something for the kids to go to at 8pm, that's a little hard for parents to do.

    Are a lot of your guests from out of town? Or live a little ways away? I'd think you'd end up with a lot of people going home with their kids at 8, rather than staying and partying with you.

     
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    Honey bee
    LGenz    May 21, 2011   New Jersey, Wedding in Clearwater, FL

    I almost think thats worse. Are you expecting parents to arrange for a babysitter to come pick up their children from the reception??

    Unless there is somewhere onsite for the parents to take their kids, I would think almost everyone would just leave.

     
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    Sugar bee
    littlemissmoo    July 18, 2010   London, UK

    As good intentions as you have on this - I have real trouble visualizing it actually happening. I think you either say "only kids in the family are invited" or "adults only". Because really, if you're a parent and you're bringing your 6 year old to the reception are you really going to leave at 8PM? 

    Sorry. I wish there was an easier way for you! May I ask why your niece and nephew must be at your reception?

     
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    Sugar bee
    mishelleez    November 5, 2010   DW- Bahamas

    I agree with the PP. Its going to be VERY hard unless you provide a play area or babysitter on site.

     
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    Helper bee
    Jerseygirl23    October 23, 2010   North Jersey

    I agree with the others, unfortunately you'll have to do all or nothing.. Be ready for some nasty posts, everyone had their opinion on this one..

     
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    Bumble bee
    pb and j    September 2011   live in NY, wedding in Baltimore

    agreed. if you want to go this route than i think it is up to you (maybe your sister could help with this) to provide an on-site babysitter (or at least a babysitter who will come pick up the kids and take them all to a hotel room or something). i can't imagine people are going to want to take their kids home at 8 and then come back. some will probably leave them at home all together (which i assume is your intention), but many will bring them and just leave at 8, and others will bring them and figure that once they're there, you won't say anything to them about it when the kids are still hanging out at 10.

     
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    Blushing bee
    Lassroyale    October 15, 2011  

    Lol - see this is why I ask you bees, because obviously I'm sorely lacking in the child-bringing ettiquette. 

    @littlemissmoo: My sister is my maid of honor and her husband is one of my FI's groomsmen, so I don't feel like I can tell them that my neice and nephew can't be there, y'know? Besides, it'd cause bad blood, I think, though my nephew is having some REALLY nasty behavioural problems lately. 

    Alright, I figured something like that would be touchy.  I don't mind having children of the family only stated on the invitations or what not.  So just having the family's kids is within proper ettiquette?

     
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    Sugar bee
    littlemissmoo    July 18, 2010   London, UK

    Ah I see. I think you should put "adult only" on your invites and explain to your MOH that she is able to bring her kids but please not shout it as they're only coming due to  your family relationship (and do that for anyone where this applies). And IMO you'd also need to apply that to your FH's family.

     
    10.
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    Blushing bee
    Lassroyale    October 15, 2011  

    @littlemissmoo: Oh I'd definitely include FI's family in that too! The whole reason it came up is because he has a cousin with a small child (around the same age as my niece and nephew) and they're really close.  I'd feel uncomfortable telling her she couldn't bring him, as she's a single mother and whatnot.

     
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    Buzzing
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    Mrs.KMM    July 17, 2010   Atlanta, GA (wedding in Indianapolis, IN)

    @Lassroyale: I disagree with the PP who said that it is an "all or none" kind of thing because it absolutely is not.  IMO, you cannot say adults only if there will be ANY kids there (your kids, wedding party, family, etc), but there is nothing wrong with only inviting kids within your family but not kids of your friends.  You just have to tell people that it's family only instead of telling them adults only (because adults only woudn't be true).

    Unfortunately, although I appreciate and understand you intentions behind the "kids until 8pm, adults only after" idea, I have to agree with others that it probably won't work so well in practice.

    All that said - I think going with a rule of only kids of family being invited to the reception will be your best bet!

     
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    Blushing bee
    tarlonda      

    Alright, I figured something like that would be touchy.  I don't mind having children of the family only stated on the invitations or what not.  So just having the family's kids is within proper ettiquette?

    I wouldn't do this either... I think it's fine to invite the 3 kids in your family and no one else's - but don't write anything about it on the invitation.  I think that would also be a bad move.  Just invite the parents, make it clear only 2 people (or whatever) are invited, and hope for the best. 

     

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