Post # 1
Okay. My fiance and I have decided we would like an adult only reception. We have a niece and nephew who are in the bridal party, and of course we want them at the reception. However, we have a few family members/friends who have unruley children and we don’t want them at the reception. We love kids, don’t mind them dancing or being around, but we know there will be guest who bring their kids, don’t pay them any attention while they’re running all over the dance floor, and will drive them home after a few beers. In all honesty, we don’t feel comfortable with any of that.
Neither of us believes anyone should bring their children to a reception, if both parents plan on having alcoholic drinks. SOOO to solve this, we have decided on no children, minus our neice and nephew.
HOWEVER, I do have an out of town cousin (lives in New Mexico, would be coming to Ohio) and we know they will have to bring their children (who are VERY well behaved) because they don’t have anyone in NM to watch them. This, we are completely fine with.
Soo.. we debated just not putting any kids names on the invitations so they get the hint they aren’t invited, but our final decision is for our formal invitations to say “Adult reception to follow” and we are not including kids on the invitations. We are going to contact my cousin and husband to let them know their kids ARE invited. Now, for the poll and opinions on this whole situation!!
Post # 3
Do you know someone locally who could whatch your NM cousin’s kids during the reception? If I got an invitation that said adults only and then saw kids who weren’t in the bridal party at the reception I would be confused and might think that my kids were targeted.
Post # 4
It’s considered to be improper to state who is NOT invited to an event, so the polite manner in which to convey this information is to address the invitations to the adults and for you and your close family and friends who know this information to answer any questions from your other guests who may wish to ask for clarification regarding this.
Post # 5
Ours is similar to yours, in that our two cousins who are 12 and 10 will be there, but no other children are invited. I have considered stating politely on the invites that children aren’t invited, but because we know fairly few people wih children we are instead going to list only those invited (ie the adults) on the invite, and then simply tell those people who hae children in person that unfortunately we’re not able to accommodate children and that we hope that understand. We will also put the information re it being adult only on our website.
I would say this is the ‘proper’ way to do it; but I think it depends on how easy it will be for you to communicate this information to all your guests with children. If that wil be difficult, then I think ‘adult only reception to follow’ is a polite but to-the-point way of putting it, as it doesn’t specifically state ‘no children’ (which sounds rude) but makes the point clear. I personally wouldn’t take offence to that wording, and don’t know anyone who would.
Post # 6
@JenGirl: I have considered (try to keep up..lol) that my cousin’s brother’s wife’s family could watch her kids because they will probably watch that cousin’s kids. UGHHH this is so stressful! Basically it’s all to keep a few certain kids away. My FI and my Dad think the Adult Reception idea is a good one, but I’m worried about offending anyone. However, they have both told me it’s MY day and I can do what I want. I’m too nice for this…
Post # 7
@harvwife31: I completely agree with your reasoning and the phrasing of the invites. // My family fussed with me over the guestlist to include everyone and their kids. Fine. In the end, most of the families with kids went home early because the parents couldn’t stand the music/drunk crowd. ha!
Post # 8
Thank you all for your input! We are inviting 300+ people, so it will be hard to voice to everyone that kids aren’t invited. I am inviting my under 18 cousins, but a lot of my cousins have kids, and those are who I don’t want to invite.
Part of me thinks we should include EVERYONE, especially family. But, the other part of my knows it’s OUR day and we will NOT be babysitting all night.
Also, we will not have children friendly food selections. Nothing that kids won’t eat I guess, but we won’t have chicken fingers or fries or anything like that for them.
Post # 9
Find someone who can watch their kids during the ceremony and reception. That way, they can still bring their kids for the weekend, but your rule remains consistent.
Post # 10
I do agree, and this is a good suggestion. I think if I get ahold of my cousin and tell her my plan, she will understand and figure out a plan. AND–she and her husband might end up not being able to come anyway. I am just thinking ahead.
Post # 11
I’m in the same situation, allowing only the kids who will be in the wedding already, and 2 other kids because our wedding is Thanksgiving weekend and they’ll be in town as a family anyway.
These are pretty much all of the kids in FI’s family, but I’m not inviting kids from my side because of cost. So on all invitations, we will write everyone’s name, not just “Smith Family” and write in ___ seats have been reserved in your honor. ___ / ___ accept with pleasure (please write your names below). ___ /___ regretfully decline.
In your shoes, because the kids are undruly, I’d suggest to the mom that they stay at a friend’s house, or arrange a sitter for them.
Post # 12
I think Adults Only is fine. Maybe include a little blurb about how you want the adults to enjoy their night and celebrate with you without having to worry about taking care of kids. I obviously stated this poorly but something along those lines.
Post # 13
I’m probably in the minority but I think it’s fine to cherry pick which children to invite. If other people don’t like it too bad they can just not come in my opinion! It’s rude of people to assume others are invited and/or to make a rude comment about it to you/ask if they can bring their kids.
Post # 15
I totally agree with you. While some people may say it’s not fair, it’s not their wedding. Do what YOU want. 🙂 While it’s not really nice to pick and choose which kids can come and which can’t, you’re reasoning is really valid for inviting the ones you have. They are from out of town and I think it would have been more rude to say they can not come.
On our invites, I put “adult only reception following” to make the point clear. Honestly, I don’t think people will get the hint if you just place the parents names on the card. Especially if they WANT to bring their kids, they might pretend they didn’t understand it was no kids. I would definitely make it clear for them. 🙂
Post # 14
@harvwife31: honestly it’s quite rude to allow certain kids to come but not others. IMHO it’s all or nothing. Also, you might want to consider that people who are traveling probably won’t want to leave their kids at home. Possibly find out if you can hire a “nanny” type person to come to the reception and watch the kids in a seperate room during the reception.
Post # 16
@harvwife31: Oh my gosh, especially if you’re inviting 300 people, 4 or so children will NOT be that noticeable. Think about if everyone was allowed to bring their kids. Who knows how many that would be! 🙂