(Closed) Adult Only Save the Date Wording

posted 5 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
2971 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

how about putting “an adult ocassion” on the bottom of the card? or “we anticipate a mature atmosphere, therefore discourage the presence of children.”

i’ve seen both of those on save-the-dates/invitations before.

Post # 4
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, I’ve never seen an STD that said “adult” on there or anything to that effect. It’s usually name/date/venue + formal invitation to follow.

Technically, you are supposed to address the envelope to Mr. + Mrs. XYZ and be done. However, as I experienced firsthand, this doesn’t fix the problem so I would consider adding a handwritten note to the parents (I’m assuming that not all 100% of your guests have children) that says, “We hope the two of you can join us!”.

Post # 5
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hmm I don’t see why it would be an issue to put it on the STD. Personally, you would make it really clear. While TECHNICALLY, those the card is addressed to are the only ones invited, many guests won’t know that.. or care. On my actual invitation, I put “Adult Only Reception to Follow” (the ceremony AND reception are at the same place) and then on the RSVP card I wrote “the couple respectfully requests that no children under the age of 18 be in attendance”. I think either of those would work on the STD.

Post # 6
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you should put anything about “adult only” on the STD.  It’s considered rude to point out who isn’t invited.  Just address the Save-The-Date Cards to who will be invited and you can spread via word of mouth that it will be adult only.  I’m sure it will get brought up at some point.

Also, FWIW, I just got married in Howell, MI in September (excellent location and month btw!) with a large Out of Town guest list and I sent my Save-The-Date Cards out sometime in March and everything was just fine.  So I wouldn’t worry about sending them out until after the holidays. 

Post # 8
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

I would use something like “An adult occasion, formal invitation to follow”

Post # 9
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@lilbluebird:  I think you may be the first bee I’ve ever seen actually to offer a polite and acceptable manner in which to potentially address this issue. As you and @RunsWithBears:  pointed out, it’s not considered to be proper to say who is not  invited.  However, a handwritten note that says “John and Jane, I really hope the two of you can share our special day with us” may help to guide the recipients in the proper direction.

@brittanybed:  My wedding was a Destination Wedding for the majority of the guests as well (the closest guests were about 1.5 hours away, the next big group was three hours away, another large group was about four hours away, and the rest traveled from many states away, with some driving very long distances or flying.) My wedding was on a Friday night of a holiday weekend, but I did not send save-the-dates.

Instead, I mailed my invitations about eight-to-nine weeks in advance of my RSVP date, which was three weeks in advance of my wedding date. Everything worked out fine, and it’s much easier — with the use of both inner and outer envelopes — to clearly specifiy on the invitations who is being invited.

Post # 10
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just address them to those who are invited e.g., Mr and Mrs. X indicates only those 2 are invited Mr. and Mrs. X and family indicates children are invited. 

It’s technically impolite to assume your guests do not know this basic etiquette.  I’d simply deal with those presumptuous guests who assume otherwise on a case by case basis.  In my experiences, no one that wasn’t explicitly stated on the envelope ever tried to show up.

Post # 11
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We were 3 hours away and didn’t want kids attending. We communicated this by addressing everything only to mr and mrs, and on the RSVP card stated how many seats were being reserved. I know a lot of people still have issues with people rsvping for more than are invited, but we were lucky and had no issues. i think if people are going to have problems with with no bringing their kids they will no matter how you do or don’t say it. Also most people won’t reserve until a few months from the wedding and if you send your invitations early enough that should be fine. 

Post # 12
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

I have an 8 year old who is close to most of my friends and Fiance has a five year old that most have met at least a few times.

That being said, unless the invite specifically adressed them by name, I would assume they weren’t invited and be OK with that.

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