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I voted for the second choice, but we are offering on site babysitting, so OOT guests can feel free to bring their kids for the weekend.
I had the same problem, almost exactly. The kids in the wedding party were the only ones who were techincally invited (due to the venue). However, I told anyone who seemed like they had a problem with it to let me know if this caused serious problems. In the end some people (especially from out of town) brought their kids. We still stayed within our max number allowed and no one seemed to be insulted that some were allowed to bring their kids and others did not. I think most of my family and friends know me well enough to understamd. I took it on a case by case basis.
The only kids that will be attending are my 3 neices. Ages 9, 7, 2 ... the 9 year old is a junior bridesmaid and the two younger ones are flower girls. The 7 & 2 year old are def being picked up by the father's sister after the cocktail hour... the 9 year old may stay if she wants.. but most likely all will be leaving for the adult reception!
You are in a tough situation and you are a very nice person to be thinking and caring about others so much on a day when most of us only think of themselves. Is there any space available on-site where you could hire a sitter or two and the kids could hang out there? Movies, coloring books, snacks, etc. They would be close to the parents if they needed anything and the parents wouldn't feel like they were "leaving" their kids with a total stranger.
I voted for the second choice, but our flower girls (6 and 4) and ringbearer (4) will attend the reception. I think when you make the decision to not include kids you have to be comfortable with the fact that some people just wont come.
It is definitely a bit weird that your cousins will be in town but will choose not to attend because their kids can't come. Can you talk to your cousins and reassure them that the sitters you provide are reliable, CPR trained, etc. I don't know if you're having the reception at a hotel, but if you are maybe you can reserve a room specifically for kids and a nanny. That way, the kids would be in the same place as the adults and when the night is over, the parents can go pick up their kids. The parents could also periodically check on the kids if they had concerns. It might be worth the few extra hundred bucks. Hope you feel better about the whole thing
I never understood why people get all upset about not bringing their kids to weddings. If I invited them out to an evening dinner at a nice restaurant wouldn't they leave their kids at home?
I know you feel guilty but your cousins are the ones choosing to make this awkward. You've already offered to help procur babysitting so there isn't much else you can do. I would prepare for some backlash though when your guests see your friends baby. If you can, I would call your friend and offer babysitting to her as well. It will be less backlash if you have no kids. Or you need an age cut off (say 1 and younger) so you'll need to alert anyone with kids within that cut off that they can bring them.
Since you are feeling guilting about your cousins I would send an email offering babysitting one more time. After that, there isn't much else you can do.
ps my sister had a huge problem with her no-kids rule. My uncle was not pleased at all. My dad had a limo take his three kids home after the church service and my uncle partied the night away. He had a great time and he never would have had the same level of fun if his three clingy children were there! My mom, to this day, still says that the money spent on the kids limo was the best money spent for the entire wedding.
I agree with Habibi. If you invited everyone to a $100/plate dinner I doubt they would make such a fuss to bring their kids!! It is YOUR party, and you should be allowed to say "I want to have a fancy adult party with no screaming annoying kids pooping their pants and smearing it on the walls." Or something like that.
I second (or third) Habibi. Im runnign into the same issue, but whatever. People wouldnt bring their kids to any other evening celebration, so whats the issue?
On a completely separate note, GO BLUE!!!!! Are you an alum? I met my hubby to be at UM...ahhhh...the memories....we;re gonna try to make it back for homecoming.
We didn't invite any kids under the age of 13; we just didn't feel it was necessary or appropriate to have little ones there at an evening reception. Since most of the little ones were on Mr. C's side, my MIL offered to pay for a babysitter. We had our reception at the same hotel where guests were staying, so the babysitter watched the kids in one of the rooms someone was staying in; the parents could check on the kids whenever they needed to while still enjoying themselves at the reception. I'm pretty sure some family members didn't agree with our decision, but it was just that: OUR decision. Maybe I would have felt differently if we had nieces and nephews, but we don't, and inviting the little kids would have easily added a slew of people to our guest list.
We're having an adult only reception and its one of the few things I would encourage brides at the beginning of their planning to NOT fold on. It can be hard to know which things to compromise on, and which things to stick to your guns about, but depending on your situation, accomodating children might not be very easy, and could have a big impact on the logistics of the day. I have been to a few weddings and how the kids were "managed" (ie not at all, with a sitter, or not invited) definately had an impact on the tone and feeling of the party.
See we are kind of using the no kids rule as a way to invite people, but get them to not really come. Before you get mad at me for being mean, it's my stepdad's family who I really don't know at all and who I have never really connected with. I really feel strongly that I want to want to visit and party with everyone at the reception and not be forced to mingle with almost strangers. Luckily, the only people with kids would be the only ones I wouldn't necessarily want there, so it kind of works out.
I voted for "no kids period", mainly because 90% of my guest list (primarily family only) is out-of-town. One is 1/2 hour to an hour away, a few are 3 hours away, and the others are all 5+ hours away (excluding the wedding party and immediate family, who live in the city). So if I allowed kids for out-of-towners...there goes the guest list. So I am setting an age limit of 18 for my wedding. If my parents can't accept this and demand that I allow everyone's kids to come, then they can pay for the extra 40-ish people. However, my mom & dad had an age limit of 16, so I'm pretty sure there won't be too many issues with that.
The only other reason I might bend on this is because everyone is out-of-town...but I want them to come to my wedding. Then again, I'm not particularly "close" to any of them (besides the ones who would come regardless), and so it won't be like there's a huge hole in my wedding 'cause they're missing. But it would be nice if they could come.
In short: I totally understand your dilemma, and my feeling is that setting an "age limit" (usual increments are 12, 16, or 18) is the easiest way to get around that. However, I suppose you could also allow infants (<2 years old?), especially for out-of-towners, and especially if they're really close to you. =)
We didn't invite anyone under 16, in town or out of town. We didn't want to make an exception for some families, but not for others. It worked out for us, but we made it clear far in advance so that everyone could make arrangements. Some folks decided not come from out of town with their little ones, and I totally understand there deicision.
My parents are paying for most of my wedding and do not want to pay for little kids and do not want kids running around, knocking things over, putting fingers in the cake, etc. I agree. Also, there are no children under the age of 17 on my side of the family. My fiance's family and friends, however have a LOT of children under the age of 12 and quite a bit under the age of 5!! I already upset my FMIL when I told her I don't want all these kids coming to the wedding and it bothers her because their family is really close and the kids all know about the wedding. I think one of his cousin's kids (who is 12) assumes she is even IN the wedding party! I asked my fiance what he thinks about the "no kids" thing and he says this is up to me (thanks a lot!) He doesn't want to make anyone in his family mad I guess. I also am pretty close to my FMIL and don't really want to argue about this. I don't know what to do about this.
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Fortunately, this really isn't much of an issue for us. We just don't have friends that have children yet. The few kids who will be there, I'm just not that worried about since they'll be minimal. I definitely understand your plight though, and actually think it's a little unfair of your cousins to put that on you-if I were them I definitely would have called asking for sitter recommendations or something.
I do love the idea of having an onsite sitter-that way parents can check in on their kids occasionally if it makes them feel more comfortable.
I have 8 little kids at my very formal wedding but I cant imagine not having my little nieces and nephews I love not there; 5 of the 8 kids are my nieces and nephews; the other 3 are one kid belongs to a first cousin and two to a good friend, I could have done without them at 150/plate but aw well only 3 extra kids
I think kids bring joy to a special occasion, especially if they are close family, that's just me
The youngest person at our wedding will be a my FBIL, who will be 16 at the time-- he's also the best man. Other than that, there are very few kids in my realm so far. Even if there were, I agree with Habibi!
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i notice ppl talking about 150+ a plate for kids, doesn't your venue have a kids menu? I believe my venue has a kids menu and its around 20-30 per kid.
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We're of the age that most of our friends, many of our cousins and coworkers have kids. We do not, and we have decided on an adult reception. If we allowed kids, we could easily have 30 without batting an eye, which we feel would change the scope of our day.
When we decided to go that path, we knew that some people would not be able to attend because they couldn't get sitters. We did offer to people that we have friends nanny's available if they needed them, but understand that may not fly with everyone. Now I'm starting to feel sad and guilty about it. I have a friend that will be traveling in from CA with her 10 month old, and I told her she could bring him, because in my mind there's a difference between a baby that is held all night and child that can run around. But now I'm hearing that my cousins that have 3, 4 and 5 year olds will not be attending because they've planned to travel in for the wedding and make a vacation out of it with my Aunt and Uncle, but we are having an "adult reception" so they will not attend and instead will stay in the hotel. grrrrrr
I don't know what to do. I was okay with it, but now I'm feeling like I'm going to feel like real schmuck if my cousins are staying at a hotel literally down the street with their kids and not coming to our wedding.
Thanks for the help ladies!
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