Post # 1
SO and I are in the very early stages of planning our destination wedding. We have looked through the prices and chosen a resort, and I am dead set on having an “adults only” wedding. I LOVE my little cousins and all the children in our family, but there are just so many of them and as you all know, the cost quickly adds up.
SO agrees that it would be nicer to have an adults only affair, but worries that this will be offensive to some of our closer family members. I do not want to be exclusive obviously and say “You can bring kids but you can’t.”
My question is – for those of you who chose not to invite children, were people offended? Was there any major drama?
And for those of who HAVE children – does this offend you? Would you be angry?
Post # 3
We had an adults only wedding and it was fine, but it wasn’t a destination location. I’m not sure it’s appropriate to ask people to leave their children behind for more than an evening, especially if it requires flying/long travel.
Post # 4
We did not have a destination wedding, but we did choose to have adults only (made exception for 15 year old cousin whose Mom , my aunt, passed away a couple of months before the wedding- she was her Dad’s plus one.) People were not that happy about it, but no major drama. Honestly, when people were not happy at the time it bothered me, but looking back after the wedding, I’m glad we stuck to our guns.
Post # 5
@mscuppycake: I wouldn’t be offended or angry but being it is a destination wedding I just wouldn’t come. It would be difficult to find a sitter for that long and to have to use up my vacation days when I couldn’t take it as a family.
I have only been offended at one wedding that specified adults only and then the bride let a bunch of kids come because they begged. My daughter just wanted to come to the ceremony to see the bride in her dress. The wedding still had a bunch of little kids running around (under 3).
Post # 6
@mscuppycake: we didn’t have kids at our wedding. There are a lot of little cousins who like to run around and roll on the floor and we just didn’t feel it was appropriate, esp since we had a 7pm wedding on a Saturday night. That said, several people were offended. Some one even RSVPEd and added her kid on and we had to call and say her daughter wasnt invited. But some other people thanked us so much bc they got a night out without their kids- who they admitted would have been terribly behaved bc it was past their bedtime. Some people see their kids as an extension of themselves and take it personally – however I think most people would agree that there is a time and a place for kids and a time and place for adults only. At the end of the day, if someone wants to find something to complain about they will- whether its no kids or your choice of cake or what have you. Do what you want to do and stand by your decision. I’m all for no kids!
Post # 7
@jessdoxy: yeah you def cannot allow some kids and not others- no kids is no kids. You def can’t cave at the last minute!
Post # 8
If anyone was offended they kept it themselves and kept their children at home. 🙂
I did offer babysitters to my friends with kids but they all ended up travelling sans children. For a DW, I’d offer childcare for during the reception so they felt like they could travel with kids, just not party with them.
Post # 9
My parents went to my dad’s cousins wedding when I was young. I don’t remember how old I was so probably less than 5. The wedding was in Bermuda, they left my brother and I at home with my grandma. The world did not stop spinning, our family did not fall apart, everything was fine! But this seems to be a hot button issue these days and I don’t think everyone is as laid back as my family was.
Post # 10
We had no kids (except two BF infants) and nobody was offended, but we didn’t really know too many people with kids anyway – maybe 3 families.
However, for a destination wedding, i just wouldn’t attend. If I had kids there’d be no way i’d be leaving them home for a week or whatever. Especially if I was your sibling, and ALL the other siblings/parents were at the wedding.
Post # 11
It’s perfectly fine to have an adults only wedding, but don’t put that on the invites themselves. Address the invitation only to the adults and you can include something like this in your RSVPs:
__2__ seats have been reserved in your honor
Jane Doe ___Accepts ___Declines
John Doe ___Accepts ___Declines
If there’s any question, or if you get RSVP cards that include kids, you call them and tell them that unfortunately you can’t accomodate kids.
Post # 12
Address your invites clearly (like PP said, number of seats invited) and that should get the point across. If they add their kids onto the invite, you’ll have to call and explain but I hope most people wouldn’t do that.
Post # 13
I think it’s nicer if you put “Adult reception to follow” on the invitation. Mentioning Adult reception is nicer than saying “adults only.”
Post # 14
have you thought about choosing an aduklts-only resort like Sandals? Then the decision is made for you. And if someone gets mad, it’s not your fault, but resort policy.
Post # 15
I think you are well within your rights and I wouldn’t be offended HOWEVER, I’d be unlikely to spend money/vacation time on a destination wedding where I couldn’t take my kids (and would have to spend more money on childcare for an extended period). This would depend on the age of my kid (mine is 8 months now and still nursing, so that would be even more complicated). At some point, I may welcome it as a vacation, but my husband’s time with our son is very precious because he works so much, so he also wouldn’t want to spend it away from the little guy at this time.
So as long as you won’t be offended by people declining for that reason, then do what you want.
Post # 16
I might go to a DW no kids wedding if my kids were older… 6+. But if I had younger kids, no way would I leave them! I wouldn’t be offended, but I would be sad I coudn’t go!