- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I have heard of tons of weddings without kids that don't offer a babysitter or anything...it's pretty common! I think it's very thoughtful of you to have childcare at the wedding, and I think that most of your guests will definitely understand. I'm sure some of them will be grateful for a night of fun without the kids!
thats what im hoping - but the feeling i get from some folks i have already talked to that they are kind of offended by not being able to bring their child.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you're offering a babysitter it's not like they have to leave their kid at home! And to be honest, most of the kids don't want to be there just as much as you don't want them to be there 
. I'm sure they'd much rather be hanging out with the other kids in a separate room!
OK, I'm a mom, and somedays, I feel like I'm not a kid person either....
You said all the weddings you've been to had kids. That is unusual for me. I've been to very few weddings in which kids were invited. So it was normal for me to not invite them. So I can't say I've been in your shoes. (Are you saying you feel like kids are the norm in your area/family, and that it will really be frowned upon?) The way I see it, parents really would enjoy an evening every now and again without having to wory about the kids. And really the kids probably don't care, and will fall asleep half way through dinner.
Since it's a semi-destination wedding, I think it's really thoughtful to offer childcare. Otherwise it might make it difficult for some of them to make an overnight trip, having to figure out what to do with the kids. So really convenient for them.
From my own experience with parents, weddings, and being a mom, I would be surprised if people made a stink about this. I would however, try to be flexible for a new mom, who might be breastfeeind, or nervous a bout leaving a young baby who needs more attention, with a sitter. But then you said that you don't really have an issue with babies. (And the baby probably won't be sneaking drinks.
)
@Tanya123 - you are right, where i am everyone has kids so its kind of expected they will be there. theres always the obligatory shots of the kids in their formal wear getting down on the dance floor and running around trying to steal bits of the cake, etc. which is what worried me the most is that since mine is different people would get mad.
It is nice to know that parents will see this as a nice "adults night out" and that i wont be wasting money on an onsite babysitter! I hope this ends up being enough :)
and yes - i LOVE babies. they are cute cuddly and usually just sleep. LOL
Ah, I'm sorry. Maybe someone else has more experience with family obligation in this scenario. Also, if you have such a pull from family to allow the kids to come, do you think, with the kids onsite, with the sitter, the guests would kind of ignore the rules and bring the kids in anyway? "Oh they won't mind if Timmy comes in for some desserts." "Meggy would love to dance to this song, then get passed along to Aunties and grandma the rest of the night."
Perhaps you could make sure the babysitting room is fully stocked with stuff that would make the kids not want to leave. And physical activites that would tire them out. Maybe you can get them busy with finger painting. So when mom comes into the room, she'll have second thoughts about getting messy hands all over her dress. Ha ha. Hopefully that's not necessary, and they'll respect "adults only".
when you have conversations with these people, ask if a) they need assistance finding local babysitters if they're from out of town or b) drop in a line like - aren't you looking forward to a night alone w/ your SO, w/o the kids
they'll get the message! we didn't have kids at our wedding. we didn't have to broach the topic much at all w/ anyone though.
Offering childcare is a very nice option, maybe see how many people would utilize it before booking? Most people I know just hire a sitter and it's expected no kids are invited, especially if your invites did not say Mr. & Mrs. Blabla AND FAMILY. For our wedding, no children are invited, except for immediate family - which in our case only includes 1st cousins, all of which are over 11; and if FI's brother has a child by then, but I imagine they'd want to leave it home.
thanks for the ideas ladies - im crossing my fingers that everything works out okay! :)
My career is in a child related field and I didn't want kids at our wedding either. We sent out personalized RSVP cards. The card had the name of the invited guest with a check yes or no if you're coming box next to the name. I mean it obviously was a bit more fancy than than but you get the idea. I also sent out the word via friends that kids were not on the guest list. ALL but one of our wedding party were from out of town (had to take a plane or drive 2-4 hours) and almost all of them have kids. They just knew by the invite and word of mouth that kids were not invited. Most were happy to have a overnight away. Some guests called and asked about kids but we stuck to our guns. One of our groomsmans wife was a brat about it but that's just her personality to begin with. It's a serious stress topic but stick to your guns and personally I think you're being kind to offer onsite babysitting. Good luck!
Hey, Spaganya... Just wanted to add my two cents about your groomsman's pregnant wife.
I have a three-month-old. Before I was a mama, I thought you could just leave a baby with a babysitter (hello? hence the name!) and go do whatever you wanted. We had even planned to attend a friend's wedding when my baby was only six weeks old sans-bebe, telling the bride "We'll be able to celebrate my being able to drink again! We'll just leave her with my parents and some bottles of breastmilk for the evening!"
Needless to say, once I actually gave birth, my perspective changed a lot. We ended up bringing the baby (the wedding was very mellow and laid back with several kids present) and neither my FH or I drank at all, and we left pretty soon after the first dance.
So, as someone who used to think parents who wouldn't leave their children home for adults only events were selfish and full of themselves, I can tell you honestly that groomsman's wife WON'T be able to leave her baby alone that long, especially if she's breastfeeding. And it's not because she's being selfish or rude or "special", it's because that's how it is when you have an infant. So please be understanding of her, whether she decides to attend or not...
As far as people with older children, I agree with previous posters, I think that's your prerogative, and that providing onsite chidcare is a very gracious way to handle the situation. I hope your wedding is lovely. :)
@Lilac Evening - dont get the wrong idea - i know that its not really an actuality for a mother to leave a newborn. wasnt expecting her to. I just worry that if she brings her baby there will be a chorus of "what about MY lovely angel" who is really a terror. And the newborn isnt the one im worried about (see above with the "i love babies" but "i dont like kids") - its the toddlers and tweens that i am concerned about who i dont want in the reception at all - hence the on site babysitter. I have taken care of many of children, and have 13 nieces and nephews of my own, and used to have a babysitting business, so i know what its like for new mothers. the 2 and up are the ones i am worried most about.
I love children, but I really didn't feel it was appropriate to have children at a black tie wedding at night in a very formal venue in Manhattan. We arranged (and paid for) babysitters at the hotel where our wedding took place. Some parents were grateful for the babysitting service, and were excited to have a night to enjoy each other without their children. Others were unhappy about leaving their children behind and declined the wedding invitation. You won't be able to make everyone happy in your wedding planning, and need to decide if this issue is important enough to you to make this decision.
How close are the extra rooms to the main room? My fear would be that someone would drop the kid off for the ceremony and then halfway through the reception be like, "I'm going to go see how 4 year old Johnny is doing" and then when they come back, lo and behold, Johnny is with them! And suddenly you have an unwanted child at the reception.
I can understand wanting no kids though; it's a very different atmosphere. Be really intentional how you word your invitations, maybe "Adult Dinner Reception to follow" or something like that, and if you have a website, maybe put a blurb about "Our reception will have childcare provided for those who wish to use it. Please let (contact person) know by (date) if you wish to use our sitters. Our reception will have an open bar and will not be particularly child friendly, so we kindly request you do not bring your children to the reception."
When they call to rsvp for their bundles of joy, your contact (maybe Mom or MOH or someone else who can be firm with them) can verbally reiterate that the children are to remain in childcare for the duration of the evening, and are not welcome at the reception.
to Lilac Evening - while I'm sympathic, as the oldest of 7, I definitely disagree about being able to leave your newborn for a night. I remember warming bottles of frozen breastmilk for my youngest brother while my mom worked/ran errands whatever. I also worked as a "mother's assistant" when I was 14, the mom was a professional volleyball player who breastfeed, I'd entertain the baby during the games and mom would feed afterwards. I'm not really sure that "that's how it is" when you have an infant . . . it's completely acceptable if the parents don't feel comfortable leaving the infant for a few hours, but it's certainly possible.
@daydreamwanderer - great wording! :) thanks :)
and any tips if its the MOH and MOB that want to have the kids so its likely they will just say "oh go ahead..."
We are having a 7pm ceremony and on the invitations we put adult only reception and addressed the invitations to Mr and Mrs, We wanted to keep the cost down and have guests enjoy themselves on a sat night.
and the reception venue is a country club/golf club. so we have the entire facility to ourselves for the reception. the dinner and dancing will be in the main ballroom, but there is about 15 different other rooms like a library, billiards room, AV room, etc. I was thinking of setting it up in one of those rooms, so its close enough that if there are issues then they can go be with their kids.
I am contemplating a similar issue but with my FIL's. Between my FI's 3 sisters they have 7 kids. All three of his sisters have actually asked me to help arrange a babysitter so that they can enjoy the reception without tending to the kids.
I agree with DayDream that if the rooms are not far away enough that the kids may show up at the party. Also, if the kids know that mom and dad are dancing away with music and food etc they are going to throw more of a fit that they can't come.
I think we are going to try to book a room or suite at the hotel across the street (close enough for emergencies, but far away enough the parents won't be stopping in). We are going to set it up as a kid reception. We are going to grab a bunch of sleeping bags, air mattresses etc. We will order pizza and have movies and games for the kids. Honestly, they will probably enjoy this a lot more than the actual reception (and cost me a lot less money).
I just want to say Thank You for this post! I too am not a kid person. Some kids are cute. The kind that are well behaved and whose parents taught them manners. But I don't want kids at my wedding either. No one under the age of 21 actually. We are having a later NYE wedding so it seems reasonable. And to offset the chance people might think its okay they bring their kids we are going to right "adults attending" on the RSVP card. Just to point it out further that kids are not welcome. And if someone can't come because of a child, well then thats fine.
I am in the same situation as you. I actually like kids, but I do not feel they belong at a wedding. I have a lot of family members that want to bring their children.I think simply stating in the invitation that it is an adult only event and having everyone spread the word is enough. People are still going to ask and be upset, but you have to just be firm. My cousin had kids at her wedding and they were totally in the way. Kids crying at the ceremony and going on the dance floor during her first dance. Kids can just be a nightmare at a wedding. Im actually not going to even offer a babysitter. My family is really pushy, and I know if their kids are nearby at a babysitter they will just sneak them into the reception.
there is no reason these people should be offended they cant bring their kids, especially of you are having an open bar and you are kind enough to provide a sitter. i have heard of plenty of weddings with adult only receptions, and your guest need to respect this.
also, if you are hiring a sitter i suggest having things to keep the kids busy, like coloring books, special kid friendly food, some kind of a craft. this way the kids have fun and i would think it would make the parents happy.
I can't believe what an issue this has become nowadays! I'm in my 30s- when I was a kid/teen I couldn't stand weddings and stuffy dinner parties, they were so boring and it's true, we just wound up sitting and sulking or running around to pass time. I don't understand why people take offense - especially if there's things like an open-bar, or you're on a budget......ugh, just venting but glad I'm not alone in this.........
You can definitely have a no-kids policy with exceptions for nursing infants. Our "policy" is no kids except for nursing infants and immediate family (ie, FI's 10-year-old sister is obviously invited). Nursing infants aren't kids. And frankly, if people are offended, they can just sit and be offended. You're EXTENDING AN INVITATION. Whether or not they accept is up to them - but the terms of the invite are not.
Remember that no matter what you do, someone is going to be offended. Remember remember remember.
I think it's very thoughtful of you to set up the childcare! I've been to quite a few adult weddings that do not provide this option. I am doing the same - I don't want any children at my wedding, but because it's a destination wedding for most guests, I am coordinating childcare in the playroom at my venue. It is a very nice thing to do if you are able to do it.
Hopefully you won't run into this, but here's what I'm running into - drama is starting and guests with children don't want to leave their kids in the playroom with a stranger, even if that playroom is just around the corner. So it's going to be a non-issue for me because they are choosing not to come at all. Before I knew this I had similar concerns as previous posters, like guests going to visit their kids in the playroom and coming back to the reception with them. I even have my wedding coordinator working with me on this because my mother says she wants to try sneaking kids in to my reception (those guests will be asked to leave by my coordinator and staff).
My reply cards use the "we have reserved _ seats in your honor" wording, which I hope will be helpful. Be firm with your decision and try not to worry about offending someone. I think anyone who goes against the bride and groom's wishes and insists on bringing their children (or any uninvited guest) is being disrespectful and rude.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
| londonchick | 9 |
| likelimeade | 8 |
| londonpeach84 | 8 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| tnanog | 3 |
| likelimeade | 2 |
| fishbone | 2 |
| aspasia475 | 1 |
| PinkPinstripes | 1 |
| j_jaye | 1 |
| WestCoast | 1 |
| eagle | 1 |
| Mrs.Lonestar | 1 |
| auggiefrog | 1 |
Okay bear with me this is kinda detailed: (and i appologize ahead of time to any mothers or to be mothers out there, this is just my opinion) I need advice on what to do...
I am NOT a kid person. I dont particularly like kids. I refer to them as "snot nosed germ disseminators". I do like babies (they dont talk or sass or ruin expensive things) and once they can drive (aka around 15ish) i can tolerate them again. Because of this, i try to steer clear of events with kids. Things that some people think are "cute" usually dont seem "cute" to me at all.
Nothing against anyone's "angel" im just NOT a kid person.
SO... i dont want children at my wedding. AT ALL. no flower girl, no ring bearer, no 12 year old trying to sneak drinks from the bar... We also plan on having an open bar and since every wedding i have ever been to had children sneaking sips of their relatives drinks, i dont feel comfortable having children there. I will not be responsible for contributing to the delinquency of minors!!!
Heres the problem. Several folks (some of whom my FH has picked to be GM) have children (read 1-4 years old), with one of the GM with a preggers wife who is due in may (my wedding is in Sept) and his sister has a 3 year old (who while cute LOOKING is really spoiled and throws tantrums). While my friends and family members know and understand i am not a kid person and know not to ask to bring them, i dont know how to broach this subject with FH side.
The option i have come up with is since the reception is at a golf club - there are extra rooms (they have a library, smaller waiting room, game room etc) - i am thinking of hiring a baby sitter to be in that room that the adults can drop off their kids during the reception. The venue for the chapel and the golf club is a semi destination wedding (in that everyone who will be coming will prob have to get a hotel room) with the ceremony at 3 and the reception from 530-11pm.
The question is - is this enough? would people use this option? am i wasting my money?
and bigger question - how do i deal with ladies who insist on taking their children? these arent long lost relatives, these are FSIL and GM wives who i will see often.
I dont want to offend people, but i *really* dont want children at the wedding or reception. please, HELP!