Post # 1
Hello lovely Bees,
I need some advice about an uncomfortable situation I have found myself in. I have been invited to my fiance’s ex’s bridal shower that my FMIL is hosting. She is marrying his step-brother so I know I will be seeing her at future family events. I have tried to be polite to her but she is consistently rude to me. My FH broke up with her over 6 years ago and it makes me uncomfortable that despite this she still can’t even fake being cordial to me. How to I handle this situation? I don’t want to look petty in front of the family but I don’t want to go to her shower either. Do I just attend anyway or say I am unable to make it and send a gift?
Post # 3
that’s a toughie. if you don’t want to go then i say don’t go, but if you could make real plans in the mean-time as a cover up that might be good!
Post # 4
Wait, so your FI’s ex-gf is now engaged to his stepbrother? YIKES. OK, well moving past the Jerry Springer-esque nature of that situation…
What I would want to do: Not go and make an excuse, send gift, etc.
What you should probably do: Go to the shower and suck it up for the benefit of future family relations. You said it yourself, you’re not going to be able to get this girl out of your life anytime soon so maybe, for the sake of being the bigger person here, you just go and play nice. At the very least you’ll get brownie points with the fam.
Does your FMIL know that she’s rude to you?
Post # 5
Believe me, this situation is quite unfortunate and awkward. I don’t know if FMIL has noticed. She is rude in more subtle ways like not making eye contact, ignores me when I talk to her, stays on the opposite side of the room than me… It’s just really weird and uncomfortable. FH brother-in-law noticed it. He thought it was funny how she kept staring at me…
Post # 6
Chances are she won’t be staring at you at her own shower, but if you don’t want to put up with her weird behavior, make plans and then say “oh i can’t go, I’ve already committed to X!” Too bad, so sad, eh? Maybe she is just intimidated by you and you remind her of her ex in a weird jealous kind of way. But you’re going to have to get over it at some point–she’s marrying your FI’s step brother. If it’s not the shower, it’s Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Don’t let her win. Let her be rude and stupid.
Post # 7
That is tough but I’d say go. And be super duper nice, it’ll drive her nuts and you’ll look like the better person. It takes a lot of energy to be mean all the time for the rest of your lives, she’s gotta give it up eventually. Hang it there, let her look like a jerk!
Post # 8
I agree with jennifer espos, go and be sweet sweet sweet. Don’t avoid her at the party, when she walks in, hang back a little, than go right up to her with a big congrats and hug, she’ll be like wth?! Than you’ll look like a doll and she wouldn’t dare do anything to critize or make you look bad cause it will make her look even worse. It will be tough, but just put on your brave I love parties and extremly akward situation face and JUST DO IT!!!
Post # 9
I agree with Kittyachi on this one. If the situation makes you that uncomfortable then why go to the shower? She doesn’t have to be rude like that. You are adults and will be apart of the same family afterall!
Post # 10
If you’re not going to go, definitely make other plans and send a gift ahead of time or give it to your FMIL and she can open it at the shower.
Post # 11
Yikes. For me, I’d probably skip, say I have something else going on and send a nice gift. Yes, you’ll have to be around her in the future, but I’m a total confrontation-scaredy-cat.
Post # 12
AWKWARD!! This chic sounds jealous of you!! I would show up just because you girls will be family soon and you don’t want to look bad to them. And when you go, you don’t have to talk to her, your just going to show face. Your FMIL is hosting the party so you don’t want to offend her most of all.
Post # 13
It is always hard when someone is rude, but I also think you should go and enjoy his family and you will look like the bigger person:) She will show her true colors to everyone eventually, a cheetah can’t hide its spots forever, and everyone will look back and see how kind you were and how you tried:) And nothing is saying you have to stay at the party the whole time:)
Post # 14
I say go and just continue to kill her with kindness!
Post # 15
huh, so your FI’s ex GF is marrying his step brother…. ick
personally i would be super sweet & nice but decline – no need to avoid her but no need to be her best friend either, especially if shes being rude to you. my thoughts are even if you go and are super polite and sweet, she is still going to find something to bitch about so why bother
Post # 16
It is ICK!! It grosses me out when I see her!!