- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2017
We are looking to cancel out wedding which will be in 4 months and going off to Las Vegas.
When FI and I first got engaged we talked about what type of wedding we each wanted. I wanted to go to Las Vegas (I didnt care if we technically eloped or had a small DW) or go to the JP and he wanted a typical wedding that he could invite his family and friends to. I explained how expensive and stressful weddings could be and told him that I was never really interested in a wedding; I truly just wanted to get married, have fun and not blow the bank. He still wanted what he wanted so I gave in. I couldn’t fault him for wanting a normal wedding. BUT, we agreed that he should be the one to plan most of it since he’s the one who wanted it.
He seriously dropped the ball. As time passed I would mention what should have already been done in as nice a way as possible (i.e. “babe, we really should have a DJ by now. Im worried we wont have many choices if we wait longer”) with reminders but I would end up taking care of the big stuff with input from him. I finally asked what the deal was and why he wasnt holding up his end of the bargain. He said he never really thought about what goes into a wedding (I guess he didnt listen when we talked about it post-engagement?) and thought it was something you just showed up to. :/ I hate that I’m having to plan a huge event that I never even wanted. I was willing to help but I dont like this type of stress, I dont like being the center of attention, and in all honestly Im pretty bitter that we had a calm, rational conversation and FI reneged (or it feels like he did) on what WE agreed to.
Then there is the FMIL mess. Lets just say she is controlling, passive aggressive, insecure, VERY judgement, competitive with me (ew ew ew) and has HUGE issues coming to terms with me “taking her baby”. The past 2 years I have progressively told him I was really frustrated with how poorly she treated me. We saw his family at a family event a few months ago and I had finally has ENOUGH of her sh*t. She began getting really nasty because she didnt think she was involved enough and that we shouldn’t have made any big decision without her. Then began getting into how we rushed into the engagement (engaged after 1.5 years) I defended myself, FI did nothing but tell me to stop making a scene. I left crying then subsequently came back and ignored her the rest of the night. It was a fail on everyone’s part. FI has never had a healthy relationship with his mother (due to her controlling tendencies and her need for him to depend on her for various things), and has allowed her to treat me however she likes because “thats just how she is.” We went to pre-marital counseling which was great BUT once we stopped he began to backslide. He has been taking 1 step forward then 1/2 a step back.
Relating to his mother. Until recently she was making the monthly payments on his student loans, which he took over because… well, he’s 30 yo and should be paying his own bill! This was a result of the counseling. This has put a huge financial strain on him that is he’s having difficulty fitting into his current budget. He also rejected the financial help his parents were going to give us as their $$ comes with strings and an expectation that you’ll allow them to treat you like an incompetent child. Though Im happy with these changes, these 2 factors have made this wedding a huge financial burden.
FI brought up a few weeks ago canceling and just going off to Las Vegas like I had initially wanted. I kinda freaked. We were 5 months away from the wedding, some people have boughjt plane tickets, and others have hotel rooms reserved, STD went out 2 months ago and HOW would we tell people our reasons?? I was not happy.
Due to his mother really ramping up the crazy and the fact that FI will have a hard time coming up with “his share” he brought the idea up again this weekend I was WAY more open to the idea. We cant figure out all the logistics yet but I think this is the best plan. I think we are going to go through with it and cancel the wedding and just hop on a plane, have a great week in Las Vegas and come back married.
Is this a bad idea? How do we tell people? Am I even making sense?