Post # 1
Hey girls, I need some help.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now, living together for about a year (I’m a waiting bee) and our sex life it totally dead. We used to have sex at LEAST a few times a week, and then it got to be about a few times a month, and now I am thinking that the last time we had sex was early January?!?!
We have busy schedules that doesn’t give us a lot of time together, however, it seems like any time we do have together he spends playing World of Warcraft. Seriously. I come home from work (I usually work nights) and he’s playing World of Warcraft, and he can’t do anything because he’s in the middle of a “raid” and he is an important “raid leader”. Then, if I have the night off and he comes home from work late (bartender part-time) before I can even give him a “hello” hug he pulls up the computer and puts on his headphones.
I still find him an attractive dude, and he’s always telling me how sexy I am, but everything is so dead and I don’t know what to do about. I’ve tried initiating sex many times but he’s rarely in the mood, and I’m about ready to give up and buy a vibrator.
I love this guy so much, he’s the best man I know (after my dad, of course) and I can’t imagine being without him. I really don’t think our dying sex life is a deal-breaker for me, but it’s making me feel like something is wrong with me, and I feel ugly and insecure everytime he turns me down. Plus, I hate competing with a computer game.
Any of you ladies have tricks or tips??
Post # 3
@AmyDee: SO was addicted to WoW when we first started dating. Luckily he stopped before we moved in together (best day of my life I swear, lol)! I had a really hard time with feeling like I was less important than a game. I’m a gamer also, but there was a time where I felt like I could stand there naked and he wouldn’t notice.
My advice is to have a serious talk about it. Tell him exactly how you feel; he shouldn’t like to hear that you are feeling unimportant. You can talk about a compromise about together time and game time. There can be a happy balance. He can raid 3x a week and 3x a week he’s off the computer and spending time with you.
I hope it works out, I understand how hard it is!
Post # 4
sorry for your difficulties lately. the only advice i can give you is to try and talk to him about how you feel. chances are, if you tell him you want more, he does too.
you might also need to “show” him that real life is a lot better than virtual worlds. if you catch my drift 😉
Post # 5
DH was big into WOW when we first started dating. It became a big issue for many of the same reasons you mentioned, in particular in that I felt that I was competing with a video game. We struck a compromise that he would only play if I was asleep or not home at all. If I came home, he had to get off the game. He eventually ended up stopping playing, however he still plays some other games- though they are by no means as obtrusive. I used to consider myself a WOWW— World of Warcraft Widow, because of how much time he spent playing and how little attention I got because of it.
I agree with PP’s with trying to strike a compromise– in that he can only raid a few nights a week, and other nights are off limits.
Post # 6
You definitly need to tell him how it’s making you feel. Your self esteem will have a huge impact on your sex life with him if he doesn’t start showing more interest.
Another more naughty suggestion would be to put on something sexy(or nothing at all) and just stand right in front of the computer. How could he say no to that? Just sayin.
Post # 7
I don’t play WoW but my fiancé and I do play a similar game, Final Fantasy XI, and I do understand your boyfriend needing to be at the raid and that he’s an important player on it. I’m not saying it’s okay, Real Life should always come before any game activity but I do understand it.
I agree with SunriseMidwest. You should have a talk with him and tell him, openly and honestly, how you feel and how it makes you feel. Hopefully then he’ll understand and be able to make a compromise with you or learn to put the game on hold for you. I know on Final a lot of things ran on an actual schedule and we wouldn’t have to be on all the time unless we were doing a lot of different things in the game.
Post # 8
Hi, sorry to hear this 🙁 I can’t relate to the gaming stuff because neither FI nor I play computer games at all…but i can relate to a dwindling sex life after many years! Things with FI and i have come to a head recently because we spent an extended amount of time either staying at my parents house or with my parents staying at our house – about 14 weeks all told. We didn’t have alot of sex in that time, maybe 1X a week if that….which in itself isn’t a disaster, I don’t exactly feel like cutting loose with my parents in earshot. The problem was that we got into a rut i think, and both kind of stopped initiating, and after my parents had left it took us like a week before we had sex again…it seemed like we had forgotten how to make it happen!!! WHats worse, there were resulting problems for the dry spell…with him…not being able to contain himself, if you know what i mean.
ANYWAY – we made a deal on Saturday that we’d have sex every day for a week, no matter how tired or busy we were, we’d make time for it and make sure both of us enjoyed it!! SO far we’re on day 4 and both of us are loving it!!
So my advice is, make a deal where you agree to sex, or cuddles, or something where its just the two of you and no computers (other electrical devices might be okay 😉 every day – you’ll get back in the habit asap, i’m sure!
Good luck …