Post # 1
I have been putting off the fact that I need to tell my dad he is not walking me down the aisle. My parents have been divorced since I was 12. In the beginning I stayed with my dad every other weekend but as I got older I just stopped going to his house. When I was in high school he moved to Vegas and I only saw him on Christmas and maybe one or two other times thorughout the year. When I was in college he moved to Germany and now i don’t even see him once a year. I don’t get holidays off with my job so even if he does come to the states for Christmas I don’t always get to see him.
My mom is the one who has been there for me my entire life. She had to work 3 jobs to support my siblings and I. She is one of my best friends and I talk to her almost everyday. She will be walking me down the aisle, no question about that. I just feel like my dad will be both surprised and disappointed about it, even though he shouldn’t be. My mom has been remarried for about 12 years, and I get along great with my stepdad. He has always been there for me and my mom. My dad never even paid child support so my mom struggled and worked really hard to support us (5kids).
OK so I emailed my dad a few days ago, it was his birthday and I couldn’t get ahold of him on the phone. It turns out he is in the hospital (he gets sick alot) and was getting some tests done. He said he was excited for the wedding and offered to help financially. He said he could give me $3000 if I needed it. I am not going to ask him for the money. My fiance and I have been working ridiculous amounts of over time to pay for the wedding and we are doing it ourselves. I think my dad might feel differently about giving us money after I tell him my mom will be walking me down the aisle. I don’t want to sound rude or mean in any way, so I was just wondering if any one has had to do this before and what kind of wording to use. I will be telling him through e-mail since we can’t really talk on the phone. I still plan on doing the father-daughter dance but just don’t want to hurt his feelings about this. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks 🙂
Post # 3
I don’t really have advice but I want to let you know you aren’t the only daughter who has made this decision. It’s going to be difficult to say… just trust that you are doing the right thing. Sending good thoughts your way! 🙂
Post # 4
Thanks 🙂 I plan on e-mailing him today, just don’t want him to flip out and end up not coming to the wedding or being really angry. Fingers crossed!
Post # 5
I would just explain to him the situation and hope that he understands. Mention that he can and IS still a very important part of your wedding, but that you think, given the circumstances, that your mother should walk you down the isle…hopefully, even if he’s angry at first, he’ll see your side of things soon enough.
Post # 6
Just say this, I’m sorry to hear you are not feeling well but glad to know you will be there to share in my special day. It was great of you to offer the gift of money but ___ and I have decided we want to pay for the wedding ourselves. As you probably know mom is going to be walking me down the aisle but I wanted to make sure there are no surprises for you. Hoping you feel better soon and am looking forward to including you in this, the next chapter of my life.
Post # 7
@BlushingBee: Wow not sure if OP has already emailed her Dad but if she hasn’t – I’d use this word for word.
Post # 8
@BlushingBee: that does sound great. I e-mailed him on Friday, and said something similar. I haven’t heard back yet. He is usually pretty quick to respond so we will see how it goes.
Post # 9
@Kathers01: If he gets upset, he has no one to blame but himself. As the parent and the older person, it was his responsibility to keep in touch with you. Bless your mother for being there for you and your siblings! I think it is a great idea to have your mother walk you down the aisle. My dad is deceased, so my mom walked me down. She work a lovely gown and a great fasinator on her head (she was inspired by the Royal Wedding and the sea of hats) and it turned out great.
Post # 10
You could have them both do it. I am sure your Mom would understand.
Post # 11
The fact that he didn’t even pay child support (which he legally should have been) is ridiculous to start….he didn’t feed, shelter or raise you. I personally would be pissed at my dad for my entire life if he did that…..
I’m amazed that you have forgiven him to this extent for his lack of care…..you are a bigger person than I would be…if my dad did that he would not even be getting an invitation…
He should be happy and surprised that you’re even inviting him, in my opinion…..