Post # 1
So, I’m looking for some advice, particularly if anyone has been in this situation before. My fiance and I are getting a place together before we get married, however, being college students in our final year, it can be a bit expensive. There is a house we are looking at renting, but there’s a drawback: the only way we can afford it is with a rommate.
Now, I see the pros and cons of each. This roommate wouldn’t be a stranger. She’s a friend of mine who is searching for a place right now and it would only be for a year while she finishes out her senior year with us and then will be attending grad school in another city. Plus she’s busy and is a great person as a roommate.
Another pro would be that once the year is up, my FI would be taking over his boss’ job and we could afford the place for ourselves where we could start a family and our lives together.
The cons of course include being newlyweds with a roommate and not having as much privacy. Has anyone have any advice or been through something similar to this before? We are looking for a place of our own still, but so far this has been the best situation for us, but of course, I have hesitations being that we will just be married.
Post # 3
I am in a nearly identical situation – our choice was to live in Newark, NJ (where I go to school) by ourselves, or live in Manhattan (where the jobs are for DH) and have a roommate (that we already know, that moved up here a few months prior to us). We chose to live in Manhattan with the roommate, and it has been great. Him and DH weren’t very close before we all moved in together, and they still aren’t, but we all get along great (the roommate and I are very close). DH and I try to keep any marital disputes in the bedroom, and our roommate has plenty of privacy, given that his room is closer to the front door and bathroom, so he can do as he pleases without us knowing much. Student living is so different from ‘real life’ – that’s how I justify it. It’s a temporary and necessary solution. It’s also nice to have someone around when DH isn’t home (mine is in the National Guard, so he’s gone one weekend a month, which would probably get lonely without a roommate).
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I’m marking this so I can give a better response tomorrow. But here’s the short of it:
You will have privacy in your bedroom but nowhere else. You will still feel the need to be quiet during private times and it may annoy you.
Make sure she cleans/takes care of responsibilities and agree on a schedule/requirements from the beginning, because you might feel like, being a married couple, you don’t want to clean up after your roommate and do all her dishes all the time.
Also, make sure she is respectful of other peoples’ property. If you are planning to stay there afterward, you will take it personally if she ruins something (like a floor).
I think you can be successful if you approach it as you guys being college students who of course live with roommates, who also happen to be married, as opposed to having someone living with you during your first year of marriage and they are intruding.
Post # 5
I feel like that it a totally normal and not bad situation.
Post # 6
We live with a roommate right now to save money so we can relocate. It’s been since November, the roommate is a friend of ours who I’ve known for years at this point. She works with DH now, but we knew her in grad school, lived in the apartment under her in DC, and then she moved to the city we’re in currently.
We get along well and I’d say that that it’s going as well as could have possibly been expected.
That said: Don’t do it if you can figure out any way NOT to!
It’s really difficult for me some of the time. I feel like DH and I never have any privacy, cleaning is an issue in a way that it’s not for DH and I. (I’m clean, and he’s not that clean, she’s not either. So I feel like I now have to clean up after TWO people all the time!) She’s also a lot more social than I am, and generally much needier than I thought she would be. It’s gotten somewhat better since she’s made new friends in the city, but I feel like she wants to hang out all. the. time.
I think we’re going to make it out of this as still friends. But I don’t want to live with anyone ever again if I can help it. (Although DH is going to work abroad this summer so I’m going to be looking for a place in my hometown to sublet for a few months, which will probably be with a roommate. I consider that different though because DH won’t be there).
Post # 7
where we live most young couples live in shared places. Not really my cup of tea, but it seems to work out
Post # 8
Personally I have no issue with having roommates. I’ve only had one female roommate and that didn’t end well so now my fiance and I only roommate with guys.
Post # 9
Thank you all for the responses! I’m glad to see the positive side of it all! Of course, it is the last case scenario, but it looks more and more likely every day. Luckily, this girl would be a good rommate. She’s respectful, especially since her last roommate was not to her. And it would just be a year, which in the grand scheme of things, is not much. But again, this is if nothing else works out, but I am SO glad that it has worked for some people. I mentioned it to a couple of people and they acted like I was nuts. Luckily, I’m a pretty laid back person.
Post # 10
I was the roommate with the married couple. I never once walked in on them having sex or anything. I loved them. The only thing that really pissed me off was taking my food from the fridge, but that’s just normal roommate crap.
Oh, and their bunnies ate the heels on my shoes…
Other than that, totally normal for college situation. And it won’t last forever!
Post # 11
Make sure she’s a normal-head first!
FI and I are currently living with a roommate that used to count among my closest friends. Not so much.
On top of him just being moodier than I ever tought it gets really old really fast if you want to snuggle up with your OH and watch a movie, but oh, the flatmate is sprawledout on the sofa playing a videogame ALL NIGHT. Or in a mood because he’s around a couple all the time and he’s single so sits with his headphones on huffing in the front room.
Want a romantic dinner without planning it ahead? Be prepared for your flatmate to pop in with some random houseguest.
And of course, Idk if you are this way inclined but i found that living with the FI puts me in nesting-mode and it is really hard to have that sort of household around someone else’s habbits. Example: I want a vase with flowers on the table. What’s there? A packet of crisps and his hat, because that’s how flatmate rolls and it is his house as much as it is ours.
I’m not saying it can’t work out just that it hasn’t for us. It is also just for a year but I tell you, this year has been long.
Post # 12
@MissHornet: People have different concepts of this in the US. Where I live many if not most young couples live with roommates. Just set boundaries and hope she doesn’t turn out to be mental! 🙂 Just teasing, if I could have my last roommate move in with me and my DH, I would absolutely do it! I think it’s fun to live with roommates (but I’m lucky in that I’ve had a few great ones) and once you stop living with them, it’s really hard to ever go back… so I’d recommend using this last year as a chance to save money by having a roommate! Good luck whatever you choose