- 2 years ago
This is really hard for me to write, but any advice or understanding would be awesome please.
My fiancé and I have been together 8 years and will be married in 3 months. Yesterday he went to a friend’s funeral and ending up having a little too much to drink (understatement – he was brought home by the Police and even threw up in the back of their van).
He was very very drunk, he was rambling and made absolutely no sense, he was sick all over the floor and I had to help him to bed. Needless to say I was absolutely furious. Not because he got blind drunk, but because he completely ignored my calls and texts and I was worried sick that something bad had happened. Then to have the Police knock on my door at 1:30 in the morning, you can imagine what was going through my mind.
My anger spilled over into the morning and I went to work without much word to him.
Later today however, he called extremely upset, to the point I couldn’t understand what he was saying. He told me he had taken an overdose the following evening (before he got home) and that he felt ‘broken’, like he wasn’t able to cope for the last few months and was suicidal. This came as a massive shock to me. I was aware that he had suffered from depression in the past, but he seemed happy lately. He recently got a new job that he much prefers to his last one and everything was going great in our relationship (I thought).
He went to the Dr, was immediately referred for psychiatric assessment and has just called me at work to inform me he’ll spend the next few days in hospital. I feel sick, but know this is for the best. He wants to get better.
I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that he has been severely depressed for months and I hadn’t noticed. Is this normal? Also, that he felt he couldn’t confide in me.
I am wondering whether alcohol played a massive part too. He’d been to a friend’s funeral (his friend was only 31), which is obviously upsetting, plus the excess alcohol will only sink him into a deeper depression. I am also worried about our future. I really hate myself for saying this, but I want a family, and am now wondering whether that’s the right thing to do? Do I want to have children with someone who might take his own life? Should I actually marry him? I love him to pieces and will be there for him in sickness and in health, but I just can’t believe I never crossed his mind when he took an overdose, about how it would affect me or his family. And I’ll be honest, I haven’t told anyone…because I’m embarrassed about what they may think of him. I don’t want anyone to think he’s not good enough for me, or feel that if I marry him I’m stupid because he’s damaged, so I’ll obviously be settling.
People at work, who knew he came home drunk are going “ooooh how is he? I bet he’s dead rough hahaha, you should make him grovel” and all I can do is laugh and play it down and try not to burst into tears.
I am so confused I just don’t understand why this happened or know how to deal with it.
And my heart is literally breaking that the man I fell love with may never come back.
I just don’t know what to do.