Post # 1
Hey bees. I’m having a rough week and am turning to the hive for some support/advice.
I work for a State agency, and we have a training coming up in a couple of weeks. The training is taking place down in southern Nevada which, for us is a 10+ hour drive. I had mistakenly assumed that I could utilize my work vehicle to get me there and back – and that I could do it on my own schedule, so long as I made it to the training venue on time.
As it turns out, our Division will not pay for gas for us to take oor individual vehicles – and is planning on stuffing us all in vans for this incredibly long drive. IMO, I think this is an imappropriate way to treat a professional staff. I get the $$ part, but I just think that if the budget is that tight… Well, I don’t know.
A bunch of the women in my office are of the opinion that this is going to be a “fun road trip” and a “bonding experience”. I think it’s going to be a miserable way to spend 20+ hours over the course of four days. The reality for me is that I get SUPER carsick, unless I am driving. It’s misery – to the point where I don’t feel right for hours after I stop travelling.
While we were all talking, I made the mistake of saying that it sounded awful to me and I was going to talk with FI about the possiblity of flying myself down there or taking my own car and paying for gas.
Come to find out yesterday from another co worker – who was NOT around when this was being discussed – that a couple of these women are bashing on me, saying I’m a debbie downer for not wanting to make the best out of this and I’m lying about the carsickness.
Mind you, one of these women is paying for her own room, because for whatever reason (unknown to me), she will not share a room. So what’s the difference between her and me, really?
I’m so sad. We all have our quirks and foibles. But being so venomous and snarky about it is beyond me. Any thoughts?
Post # 3
Sorry – could someone move this to the Lounge, or Career?
Post # 4
How is the hotel room different from the car ride? Seriously? In a hotel room, you’re spending the majority of the time in your room sleeping, not bonding with your coworkers as you would be riding with them in a van. They see this as you not wanting to be with them for 10 hours of “awake” (bonding) time but are ok with them for 8 hours where you are sound asleep.
Get some dramamine.
Post # 5
Maybe you should just try to ignore them and make sure whatever you do is ok with your manager.
I think your reasons are totally legit, and I’d go so far as getting a doctor’s note. If these women are going to be bitches, you need to take the high road. You won’t be able to change their opinions. If you’re feeling really nice, organize a dinner or something with all of them during the trip so they know you’re a team player. Kill them with kindness at work etc.
I also agree that it’s kinda hypocritical that one coworker can make special requests but you can’t. Just because the request is of a slightly different nature than yours doesn’t mean that yours isn’t legit (I disagree with the poster who says it’s different).
Post # 6
Go with them in the van. After they experience being with you sick in the van, they will never doubt you again.
Post # 7
@codysgirl16: Maybe it’s because I’m more introverted, or because I worked (volunteered) for a year with a program that LOVED to blur the lines of personal comfort, work/life balance, and “bonding” time with others. To me, this trip sounds like a nightmare.
I don’t even get carsick, but I hate when you’re traveling by car with more than a few people – bathroom breaks, arguments about food, stopping, driving, forced interaction – I detest all of it. If I were you, I would take my own vehicle and forget about the gas. A 10 hour drive in most cars means two fill ups, so maybe $200 round trip? It’s not a small amount of money by any means, but which would you rather do, pay $200, or have to endure 20 hours of “bonding” and puking?
Post # 8
No way would I pile up in a van with even my most loved co-workers. We’re GROWN ASS WOMEN, not kids going on a field trip.
Let them talk shit – who cares? Ignore them. They’re probably just feeling insecure thinking you don’t like them. I can’t imagine that being fun. I’m surprised they’re even up for it
Post # 9
I think the entire trip is ridiculous. Can’t you get the training on a DVD presentation? or a skype like program. I mean cramming you into vans to drive you 20hours is half a work week you’ll be sitting around doing nothing on the state’s dime….. Hotel rooms on the publics dime, I’m sure it will be longer than a 20hour round trip with stops for bathrooms/eating & gas. I realize it’s a state agency, and not one that I live in, so it doesn’t really effect me directly, but even paying for your own gas isn’t really sufficient to counter act the needed car maintenance.
The trip sounds horrific for a multitude of reasons. I’ve driven with people I love for 15 hours and by the end of it we all needed a break from each other. It’s not a bonding girls weekend, it sounds terrible.
Post # 10
i dont think its inappropriate for the work to provide vans to get people there, it makes far more sense than giving people money for gas in terms of money and logistics. if everyone goes together it prevents people going awol/getting lost and ending up somewhere else etc etc
if you arent able to do it and are willing to take on the expense then fair enough. youll have to ignore any snide comments, they wont last forever
Post # 11
@julies1949: well, thankfully, I do not actually vomit. But it sure is shitty feeling like you’re right on the verge for all that time.
@Ellicott: Thanks for the helpful advice. Being whacked out on dramamine isn’t exactly bonding with anyone, is it now? And I went to my doctor on Monday to find out if she could prescribe me anything that would do just that – make me sleep for the entire ride.
And, actually – I think it’s more offensive to say that you don’t want to spend time sleeping in the same space with someone. So I guess we just have to agree to disagree. But the point is, I wasn’t going around the office saying what a bitch she is for doing that.
@canarydiamond: @GoldfishPie: thanks for the support. It just feels like we are being treated like we are in junior high as opposed to professionals… And then to have this lady bashing me is just the icing on the stupid work cake. : (
Post # 12
@codysgirl16: cannot imagine having to spend that long crammed in a van with my co-workers. If I’m not driving long drives also make me nauseated – or I immediately fall asleep and only wake up when the vehicle stops, can’t help it.
One of my BMs has chronic motion sickness (if that’s really a thing). She has to be the driver, or she will vomit. EVERY time she flies, when the plane hits X altitude, she starts vomitting, she’s tried it all and nothing helps. She’s had to explain it to a few employers but they usually come around.
It really sucks that your colleagues are being so unsupportive.
Post # 13
Ugh, so sorry you’re dealing with that! What a frustrating situation. That would drive me crazy. I always try and ignore things like that, but I’m sensitive and it always ends up getting to me!! Good luck, try and let it roll off your back!
Post # 14
@skippydarling: I have never been anything but nice to any of these ladies!! Wjere they can even get the impression that I don’t like them is beyond me.
@newname_99: I know they won’t last forever… But it certainly changes how I feel about this lady. I kind of want to call her out on it – but then it gets onto teh drama of this OTHER lady even elling me about it. *sigh* I’m just not like that at work.
And I hate to say it, but if, as a professional, you can’t get yourself to where you need to be on time, well, then, maybe you should go back to junior high!
@HisIrishPrincess: Sorry – I wasn’t super specific in the interest of brevity. I used the word training, but I probably should have used the word retreat. The two days we’re down there are filled with bonding – presentations, trips to our facilites, lunches, dinners, etc.. We have employees all around the state – it just so happens that our drive is one of the longest.
Post # 15
I get the same sick to my stomach feeling quite often on long car rides if I have to sit in the back seat. Can you take a dramamine? That’s what I usually do. It usually puts me to sleep but it’s better than feeling queasy.
Regarding your coworkers. They’re completely out of line. Sorry you have to deal with them 🙁
Post # 16
@MsGinkgo: I think that describes me. As I said, I don’t vomit – but I get the very persistent feeling and it doesn’t go away. I will try whatever my dr prescribes. I truly hope I can sleep through the whole day.
Its interesting that you mention chronic motion sickness. I was at the doctor monday because I’ve got somethig going on where I always feel as if I have motion sickness. They can’t figure out what’s wrong – blood test, heart trace, eye exam – nothing is pointing to why this is happening…
@SoonToBeSimmons: I tried to ignore it. But I woke up upset about it in the middle of the night. I mean, she called me a liar. Seriously.