Weddingbee boards

I need some wedding advice..

So here goes… A few years ago Doug(my fiance) went to the wedding of his father’s friend’s son. I wasn’t invited despite us living together at the time. Doug didn’t feel close enough to the groom or the groom’s father to even ask for me to be invited and Doug’s parents didn’t even think of it because we weren’t engaged or married at the time. Additionally, my father isn’t paying a dime for this wedding so the main part of why we weren’t engaged at the time was money not commitment, hence living together.

Now to our wedding. So we choose to invite Doug’s father’s friend but not their son and his wife to our wedding based on the fact that he lives in New York, as do we, and I have yet to meet him in five years of dating and that Doug said the main reason he even went to this person’s wedding was to see the father’s friends who all live in California. Now Doug’s father’s friend called and mentioned to Doug’s parents that he booked a hotel room for himself and for his son. He mentioned that his son moved recently and we think they think that is why he never got an invitation. Now Doug’s father is freaking out and says he is going to call and lie to his friend and ask why we never got the response card from his son. Doug actually spent hours trying to reason with his parents but that just ended in them all screaming at each other until 1 in the morning. His father is threatening all kinds of things and he is also having heart problems and his mother just wants to do everything to keep him from getting stressed to the point of a heart attack.            

Doug’s parents are contributing to the wedding but they also have by far the largest number of guests (double mine) and the contribution is not close to equal to the percentage of the wedding that is their guests. But regardless of the fact that we haven’t said no to a single other person they asked for and they didn’t ask for this couple to be invited when we went over the list with them many times, his father is threatening to withhold the money he was going to give us and also will not let Doug have access to gifts and bonds they were holding from his childhood.

I do not need this additional stress right now, as we are getting married in TWO weeks, so I want it to just kind of go away but on the other hand I don’t want us to start our lives together setting the precedent that they have control over us and can bully us around. I am normally the type of person who just runs around trying to make others happy but I can't help but feel like my wedding day needs to be about me. Their side already has double the guests and I feel like the wedding is slipping away from me and becoming all about the groom and his family.

Thoughts… advice…?

Wow that sounds so stressful. Like fvsoccer said, it would be ideal if you could do the wedding without their contributions. If you tell them that, they may still foot the bill in the end. Having said that, I know myself that I would probably just cave and allow the extra guests to come just to avoid the confrontation and extra stress on top of an already stressful time.  Good luck with whatever you decide!