Post # 1
Most of my bridemaids have never been bridesmaid including my Maid/Matron of Honor.
So I thought I’d plan a little get together 11 months prior to the wedding to talk about what being a bridesmaid and Maid/Matron of Honor is (responsibilities & cost). I got them little planners to keep track of dates and such.
Any advice? I dont want to come off as a controlling bridezilla- I just want them to be aware and be able to plan their year (and finances – because of what Ive read it can be expensive to be a bridesmaid).
Post # 3
Yikes. If I were a bridesmaid, I would definitely be a little irked if you called a meeting just to tell me my responsibilities… Idk that it is really what you want to do… Do you have any BMs who have done it before, or maybe a really organized MOH? The best thing I could think of would be talking with Maid/Matron of Honor and asking her to organize the BMs. I think it is better coming from her than from you…
someone sent me a link once with my responsibilities and it kinda annoyed me because I felt like it implied that i wouldn’t do a good job. I was a first time Bridesmaid or Best Man but I did my research (online and talking to friends) and it definitely came off a little zilla-y. Just my opinion though
Post # 4
I would be very nice about asking them where they are comfortable at in terms of paying for their dress, hair, & makeup. DO NOT expect them to throw you a shower nor would I even bring that up.
Keep in mind if you have a list of dates that work for YOU, it may not work for someone else.
So have your little meeting, but be open to everyone else’s comments & suggestions.
Post # 5
I think you should not do this unless they all asked you to. I think if anything meet with your Maid/Matron of Honor and let her do what she thinks needs to be done. I think that one on one you should have a conversation about what budget they are comfortable with for their entire ensemble… If they say $200, that would mean anything you would expect them to pay for, dress, shoes, accessories, beauty, etc… Then, except for very rare situations, you should then adjust your expectations to their budget abilities.
Post # 6
@ivoryowl: Maid/Matron of Honor doesnt know what to do she even asked me to look into websites for her. I could see the 4 other bridesmaids being annoyed if she approached them to tell them what to do and on budget. I wanted to more discuss this is what it is to be a bridemaids in terms of: attendance and general costs with information I gathered about other wedding parties… I just dont want anyone a couple months before the wedding to say “I cant afford this” etc….
@Rubbs: lol I would NEVER ask for a shower or bring it up! — I dont think they know about all the pre-wedding events and I just want to make sure they are aware. All of us have crazy schedules and need to know dates months in advanced- so I just wanted them to be aware that it is not just the day of the wedding.
@Americano: my Maid/Matron of Honor thinks I should have the meeting- she doesnt think a couple of girls can afford be a bridesmaid/ are not aware that they will be expected to go attend pre-wedding events.
To all— when I invited my bridemaids to this get together- a couple made comments such as “so during the party will you tell us what we are supposed to do!?” and in a genuine HELP we are clueless fashion.
Post # 7
i think what you are doing is fine. you know your girls better than us and if they want info. this is a great way to get it all out
Post # 8
I gave them cute little Bridesmaids books like these. No clue if they read them, but at least I tried haha.
Post # 9
I sent out a group email basically just saying what i expected them to pay for and what i would be paying for. I asked them to email me back personally to give me an idea of how much they would be comfortable spending. I really just want my girls with me on the day so don’t really have any expectations of their time during the planning process, i just told them in advance if i was doing something that i’d like company (dress shopping) for and if they could make it, great, otherwise maybe they could come next time. Ended up only going dress shopping once and that’s all i’ve asked of them yet..