Advice for a newbie?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
784 posts
Busy bee

Post PhD is extremely stressful and filled with uncertainty, as you probably know from him. So I wouldn’t be hurt by this or take it personally at all!! I obviously don’t know you guys, but I think that he could just be overestimating a bit so he doesn’t break a promise, which is a good thing. Once he’s settled it’ll probably be quicker than you’re thinking it will be right now especially with wanting kids.

Maybe try to think about it as how much you love him and how you want to make sure that he is excited about all aspects of life and not stressed about a post doc when starting his “official” life with you. I bet if you keep supporting him like you are, and help with the transition, it will be such a bonding and commiting experience that the time will fly. Good luck!

Post # 4
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

mcgoat:  My now-FI and I were talking about marriage probably a year and a half before he actually popped the question. I went through all the stages, excited, angry, sad, mopey, anxious, back to happy and repeating it all.

I can’t say the waiting is easy (like you I’d made up my mind I was keeping him, heh), but found that our guys really have to do things in their own speed. Men really tend to not do well when their career plans are up in the air and I found my FI had to settle that down before he wanted to propose. (And it was way better when he did it because he wanted to, not because I was pushing for it).

While I don’t have a PhD, I know plenty of folks who have gone through that very stressful process. I’m sure it’s hard to have his career up in the air. Just be patient and try to remember WHY you want to marry him in the first place. In the end, once you’ve been married for 20 years, a few extra months (or years) before you got married won’t really be on your mind. Keep the end in sight and just focus on being content together.

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