- 6 years ago
Hello all. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible, but lately some drama surrounding my BIL has really been bothering me and I am hoping for some advice/outside perspective.
I’ll start with just a little background info. For the past 5 or 6 years my BIL has been pretty distant with the family, and had a bit of a confrontation with one of his uncles which led to him having less and less contact with his family. My Darling Husband was in no way involved in this drama and they still talked maybe once every few months. However, BIL has never been very friendly towards me, and honestly in the 7 years we were dating has maybe only said 10 words to me.
When we got engaged we thought long and hard about who we wanted in our wedding party, and ultimately decided to keep the groomsman to three of my DH’s very close friends. He asked his brother and my brothers to be ushers. My brothers are very important to us, and we honestly didn’t see the role of usher to be a downgrade but more of a different position that would allow them to be less involved but still recognized as important.
When he asked his brother to be an usher he accepted and seemed to be fine with that decision. However, a few weeks later his brother called and said he didn’t think he would be able to make it due to being on-call (he is in medical school). This seemed a little like an excuse to us, because the wedding was still more than 6 months away and his brother didn’t say anything like “but I’ll do my best to be there” it was more “oh, I can’t come.”
Anyways, BIL apparently told his parents that he was hurt that he wasn’t asked to be a groomsman, so that is why he acted like that. We were upset that he had decided that if he wasn’t going to be a groomsman then he wasn’t going to come, but felt like we didn’t want him to stand up with us if he was going to act so selfishly. We told him that we would really want him to be there as an usher and left it at that. He didn’t end up coming to the wedding or even calling/texting/emailing my Darling Husband to say congratulations.
He is having a destination wedding this spring, and we recently found out that we were not going to be invited to the wedding. They are only inviting her parents and his parents. I feel like this is crazy and kind of the ultimate slap in the face to us. It will definitely make all future interactions super awkward. I know that this is really making my Darling Husband feel bad, and that my Mother-In-Law is just beyond upset that all of this is happening…but we really don’t know what we can do? We want to be there for his wedding, if only because after our wedding we know how much more special having all of our loved ones there witnessing it and celebrating with us made it.
I apologize for this long post, and thanks to anyone who has actually read it all. Any advice on what we could do? We don’t want this relationship severed, but at the same time we feel like we don’t have anything to apologize for. Are we wrong or are they acting as crazy as I feel like they are? Help?