Post # 1
I’m devastated to say that yesterday, DH and I found out our baby is no more. I had an ultrasound at 6w4d and heard the heartbeat. Yesterday I was supposed to be 8w4d and it appears the baby stopped growing shortly after the first ultrasound. No more heartbeat. I’m completely broken.
I have PCOS, and got pregnant the second cycle off the pill. My doctor doesn’t seem to think we’ll have a problem once we try again but of course I’m scared and skeptical. We were so ready for this. I just want a baby so badly.
For anyone who has been through this, any advice? How long did it take you to miscarry once you found out? How long did you wait to try again? Can you recommend any books or anything to help cope with the loss? I can’t even believe I’m writing this.
I was diagnosed with PCOS at 19 and had been managing it with the pill ever since. I had ultrasounds every 2 years since then and have never had any cause for concern, so that gives me hope. I’m now 28. I pray we will be strong enough to try again in a month or two and hopefully get pregnant again right away. But I’m scared. I’m scared of it taking a long time, or being too easy and me being afraid of losing it again.
I know I’m babbling. Any advice is welcome. And please, some positive stories of life/conception after a loss. I don’t think I could handle anything else but optimism. I’m not very active on these boards but you bees are always so wonderful.
I apologize in advance if my responses are delayed. Hubby and I took a few days off work to process everything and I may not check back for a while. Thank you in advance!
Post # 2
Kay1126: I am sorry for your loss. To go from such excitement and anticipation to grieving must be devastating.
Post # 3
Kay1126: I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I can’t imagine how devastating this must be. Take as much time as you need to grieve this loss. Have faith that things will work out.
I know of 2 couples that are close friends that experienced a loss and each got pregnant only a few months later and they have beautiful children.
May you never have to experience this type of pain again.
Post # 4
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage last month at 10 weeks. You should join us over on the TTC after MC board, it’s been great emotional support for me!
Post # 5
I found out at 7w that our baby was not going to make it and it took a week for me to miscarry. It took us a year to get pregnant again, but we also weren’t trying very hard as we had our wedding coming up and other things going on. I’m now 14 weeks pregnant and so far things are going very well. Going through the loss is hard and trying again after is scary but it gets easier. I second others re: the Journey of TTC after MC thread, it is so helpful to have other women that understand what you’re going through. I wish you all the best.
Post # 6
I am so sorry you are going through this awful time. My advice is to take everything one day at a time, and be selfish and take care of YOU first and foremost. If that means you stay in bed today and have hubby bring you pizza for breakfast, so be it. If you need a glass (or bottle) of wine, then drink it. Do you love sushi/oysters/deli meats/ other foods preggers aren’t supposed to have? Well, have a feast of those things. As the days pass, the wound will begin to feel a little less raw. You’ll eventually have a day where you laugh and DON’T have the thought cross your mind that you should be sad bc you lost the baby. On the other hand, you’ll still have days that you’ll have a random burst of sadness over the loss. Don’t beat yourself up for either end of the spectrum. HUGS
-oh and join TTC after MC group… It’s helped me through both of my early miscarriages.
Post # 7
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby around the same time of gestation. I never did miscarry on my own and had a D&C. I did get pregnant again about 2 months or so after the surgery, and that baby is now 6.
take your time to grieve the loss.
Post # 8
I’m so, so sorry. Give yourself time to grieve and work through it all with your husband. It’s normal to worry and wonder about next time; there’s a lot of help here on the bee with that, even just to read older posts and such about women in similar situations. I found talking it out with my mom helped too…DH just couldn’t understand quite the same way as she could.
Post # 9
I knew I was pregnant but the tests came back negative. I was a teen at the time and didn’t tell anyone. At about 8 weeks I naturally miscarried. It was like a period that was a little heavier. I told my mom and she took me to the hospital to be checked out. I didn’t need any further medical intervention. http://www.marchofdimes.com/loss/miscarriage.aspx
After, I was worried something was wrong with me. My father (a biologist) told me something that helped me. About 1/2 of all pregnacies don’t make it. We never know about it as it happens so early and we just have a late period. In a couple of years I did go on to have two healthy children.
This does not make it easier, but knowing it is a natural selection process within your body and there is nothing wrong or abnormal in having a miscarriage. Your body knew the child had health issues that would have made you or the baby sick.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Post # 10
I had a MC in August of last year at 6 weeks. It is an awful experience. What helped me was telling very good friends – and when I did, found that many of them had been through a MC too. 8 of the 10 had had a MC. Having others who knew first hand what I was going through was really nice). To be honest, I’m still sad about it at times.
we waited the recommended 1 month before trying again. I got amother BFP in November and my little girl was born just under 6 weeks ago on July 13.
So there is hope and beautiful healthy babies after a MC
and a also recommend the after MC boards here. They really are great
Post # 11
Thank you all for your advice and stories. I will definitely join the TTC after miscarriage boards when I’m ready. Right now I just can’t wait for this to be over. I’m going to take the next month or two to regroup, focus on losing this bloat that I have now and getting healthier, and continuing the house hunt that we had started in anticipation of the baby’s arrival. If anything, we’ll be better prepared when a baby finally comes along. I pray we’ll be ready to try again in a month or two. I can’t thank you all enough and keep the love coming! It’s truly making me feel so much more normal and helping me realize how common this and that I’m not broken. Thank you all.
PS I will be enjoying a yummy Italian sub for lunch, as Andthepupmakes3 suggested!
Post # 12
Kay1126: Sending you a big hug. I had an MC in early May (found out at an ultrasound at 7 and a 1/2 weeks.) Mine was a blighted ovum, so the baby had stopped growing basically right after implantation, but my body didn’t catch on (HCG was normal, etc.) Because I hadn’t even started spotting or anything, I opted to have a D&C because I didn’t think I could sit around waiting to miscarry. There’s not a general right or wrong decision about how to proceed, but that was the right decision for me, and I’m glad I did it.
DH and I waited for one complete cycle, then tried again, and got pregnant on our first cycle trying…I’m now 9 weeks, and so far, so good, even though I can’t help but be anxious. I’ll never fully be “over” the loss of my first pregnancy, and I think that’s totally normal…an MC is something that stays a part of you. It took me awhile to even feel human again and not to breakdown at the drop of a hat….be patient with yourself and give yourself time. Be alone when you need to be alone, and seek out support when you need the support. The MC was hard on both DH and I, but I think it brought us even closer together. We planted a flower bush in memory of the first baby, and it felt good to find that way to honor him/her.
I also want to echo how helpful/supportive the TTC after miscarriage thread was….people who haven’t been through an MC just can’t fully get the pain it causes, and it’s nice to talk to ladies who are/have been where you are. Good luck and take care of yourself!
Post # 13
Post # 14
Magpie86: I am so sorry for your loss. Congratulations on the new pregnancy! I’m so hopeful that I will have a similar story soon. I’m completely in mourning over the loss of my angel, and I’m terrified of what the future holds. My doctor and my husband are confidant we won’t have a problem when we TTC again, but obviously there’s no way of knowing. Thank you so much for your kind words, your story of hope and those wonderful links you posted. I read a bit of each and I’m sure I’ll be spending some time on them once I’m ready. It’s amazing the support you find on here. My two closest friends who knew of the pregnancy are both single and never pregnant, and my mom was blessed with 3 children and no losses. They are being so loving and supportive, but it’s helpful to talk to those who have been thru it. Thank you so much.
Post # 15
Kay1126: Thank you. 🙂
Take your time with everything. There’s no expiration date on how long you’re “allowed” to heavily mourn the loss, and then you figure out how to continue your life again a bit more, but you still hold it with you.
When you start googling, you’ll see lots of promising stats about trying again—most ladies who have a miscarriage go on to have healthy pregnancies, so believe you will be part of that group! 🙂 But again, don’t feel like you need to think about that until you’re ready. Sending you lots of strength and well wishes!