Advice for dealing with a difficult Dad! Sorry, a little long!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ahhhh that’s exactly why we are doing a sweetheart table instead of a head table… head tables just make things so complicated.  If I had both our sets of parents, our bridal party, and their SO’s on there, It would be far more than one table! No thank you! 🙁 Any chance you could take the sweetheart table route? If not, just put who you want at the head table.  Is your dad paying for the wedding?

Post # 5
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@nz-bride:  fair enough 🙂 but I figure we won’t really be actually sitting there for much of the night, but more mingling with the guests, which is why I’m not too worried about the awkward “all focus on us.”  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If your Mum and Dad are from the UK and got married here then yes, I can see why he’d be surprised at not sitting on the top table because it’d be kind of unthinkable not to have your parents on that table. However, top tables are a minefield at the best of times and this is why an increasing number of couples over here are choosing to have either no top table or a sweetheart table. 

But regardless of what’s done in the UK, he has to accept that things are different in NZ and Australia and you’ll be following local customs. Not holding onto the UK way which in any case, has no relevance to you. As a quick example, my eldest soon is soon to be married to his American FI. The wedding is in England and while not totally traditional, will probably not include all the elements that usually accompany a US wedding. Were their wedding in the US, however, I’d have expected to go along with, and enjoy, the American traditions.

So I think your Dad needs to understand that he isn’t being slighted by not being on your top table. It’s not a personal insult or a desire to underestimate his role in your life. However, you do need to take everyone else into account too and that’s why it’s easier all round if you follow more recognised regional traditions.

 

Post # 7
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Yep, it’s standard at formal UK weddings for the bride’s and groom’s parents to be sitting on the same table as them. 

But as others have said, you aren’t getting married in the UK.   Your father is just going to have to accept that you are going along with local customs.  I hope he gets over himself soon. 

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