Post # 1
Hi everyone, I have a pretty difficult situation I am not sure how to deal with and am looking for a bit of advice. This is actually not about my wedding though. I have a second cousin that I used to be very close to growing up, however we are not really anymore since she started dating this complete jerk. She has recently told me that they are getting married, and I really dont think I want to or can go, I dont like the guy at all and have good reason. I dont know if he still does or not, because like I said we are no longer close, but he used to abuse her. He did it once really bad to her in front of me, and even hurt and yelled at me too, and I have since been really afraid of him. I tried to get her to end it with him, but its useless and I cant believe she would marry someone like that, but its not my life. Obviously I am not supportive of them getting married, but we are longer close and frankly he scares me. I dont want to go but also dont want to create more drama. I am not planning on inviting her to my wedding, so hopefully she wont invite me to hers either. But if she does, any advice on how to deal with this situation?
Post # 3
Graciously decline. She will get the message. I am sure she has not forgotten that you witnessed the him abusing her.
Post # 4
First of all, I am sorry for your cousin. I know it must be hard to think about going to her wedding, but I think I would go, just because at least your cousin will know that you care about her, even if you disagree with her wedding/marriage. I didn’t want to go to a wedding once, and it was really hard being there, 🙁 but it was my brother’s wedding because I didn’t think it was a good thing. I wasn’t crazy about them being together and I’m still not thrilled, because they just don’t have the best life together, but he has chosen her, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. But at least he still knows whatever happens in his life, I love and support him. Maybe you can somehow have an opportunity to suggest they go to Pre-wedding counseling? I hope that he doesn’t keep her isolated, for her own safety. My Best Wishes to you and her.
Post # 5
Go. If you still care about her, you should go. One of my friend’s is currently in a violent relationship, and I was really mad with her for going back, and didn’t want to see her for a while. The more I thought about it, though, the more I felt it’s important to maintain contact – she’s gonna need support when he gets rough again. I love my friend and I can’t make decisions for her, or make her see sense, but I do want her to know I’m there for her.
Post # 6
i have to agree with aunt pol – i understand your initial reaction is to stay as far away as possible – and obviously you don’t want her to think you APPROVE of the relationship she’s chosen to stay in – but at the same time, your cousin will need all the help and friends she can get.
Post # 7
I agree with @aunt pol. Although you don’t like who she is marrying you care for her. Sometimes we need to learn for ourselves. While you don’t agree with her decision or condone it, your presence will be to support her. In the long run she’ll be very thankful you are there for her when she needs your support the most.
Post # 8
I’d tell your cousin that you love her and you want to be there for her wedding but you can’t stand by and watch her marry a guy who is so horrible for her.