advice for discouraging a flirty colleague

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4134 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell him that you are married, and that you are not interested in a romantic relationship with him. Be up front with him, because being wishy washy will give him hope. If after being blunt with him he still tries to make a move, cut him out of your life. You also need to let your husband know this is happening. 

Post # 4
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I work with a LOT of guys.  We’re all friends, and have never expressed feelings for me.  Some joke around and flirt and tell me I’m pretty or whatever, but I just laugh it off.  I made it very clear from day one that I was in a relationship when I started working here, and I’ve made it clear that we are now getting married by talking about FI to them.  Some have even met FI and they are now friends. 

The fact of it is, you can’t control who has feelings for you…but you can control your actions so that you don’t send out any mixed signals or lead them on.

If you start to feel bothered or harassed by him, report it to HR. 

Post # 6
42089 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would tell him. “I am flattered by what you said, but do not want anything like that to happen again.  I want to keep our behavior completely professional in the work environment. Our relationship is strictly collegial and will never be anything else.”

Then stop any form of socializing with this person- no coffees, no lunches etc. He will get the message. You can still be pleasant and courteous but nothing more than that.

Post # 8
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FrenchNewlyWed:  No: do not have any more sit-downs with him, or do anything that might make him think you’re interested in continuing anything one-on-one.

You definitely need to tell your husband what he said, as I can bet you’d want him to do the same if another woman told him she was harboring feelings.

As far as the colleague, I wouldn’t say anything else. I’d literally just ignore it. He will definitely take the hint if you cool off the way you interact with him.


Post # 10
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FrenchNewlyWed:  I would say “Hey, just a heads up: Mike said something weird the other day about liking me. I made it clear the feeling is NOT mutual. I want you to know, I won’t be socializing with him anymore in anything other than a work-related capacity.”

Post # 13
5351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I had a supervisor call me “baby” and told me he loved me one time on a phone call. The whole situation was totally weird and very awkward because it wasn’t exactly a playful kind of “I love you, you are awesome” instead it was a very awkward ” I love you” over the phone followed by silence.

I never told my husband (then BF) and I never brought it up to my supervisor either, I just kind of pretended like it never happened and he did the same thing.

I chalked up that one phone call to the fact that he was out at the bar with coworkers, and that it did not affect our working relationship. If things would of continued or been awkward, I would of contacted HR and told my SO. But since it was kind of this one time, weird thing, I didn’t want to make my SO uncomfortable with me working for this company. because it never became a problem. 


Post # 15
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would give him the cold shoulder, honestly.

Post # 16
32 posts

Make it clear to him that he doesn’t have a chance in hell. Do NOT give him any hope at all because he’ll continue to think that he has a shot with you.

He has ulterior motives, he’s not your friend. For crying out loud, you’re MARRIED. What kind of douche bag goes after married women? He’s a loser!

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