(Closed) Advice for mother-in-law to be, UPDATE

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, that sounds absolutely terrible! Unfortunately I would just go along with it. If you don’t attend the wedding your son will never forgive you. This late in the game it might be best to just try and have a good time without causing the bride anymore stress or she might completely keep your son from seeing you in the future.

My vindictive side says to not pay for any of the rehearsal dinner and not attend any of the event either, but I honestly don’t think that would help in your situation. I’m sorry, it sounds like the bride AND her family are being snotty.

Post # 4
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be a terrible Stay-At-Home Wife. I did it for a couple of months when we lived overseas and I didn’t have a job, and I hated it. So much of my identity and self confidence is tied up in my work. Apart from the actual intellectual challenge and earning money side, I need a reason to get up in the morning and leave the house, and I really enjoy the social aspect of it too. Not just the people I work with, but having lunch with friends or meeting for after work drinks on Friday afternoons. If I had enough money that I didn’t need to work full time, I would probably just work 3 or 4 days a week, and volunteer or write the other day. I would be a bit worried about leaving the workforce completely, as others have said if something happened to your DH’s job or him (heaven forbid, but it happens) it would be good for you to know you would be able to support yourself (and any children). That said, my Darling Husband is totally waiting for the day when he can retire/work from home/volunteer full time/be a Stay-At-Home Dad – and I think he’d be really good at it! He doesn’t need what I do when it comes to work, which is fine and if you are the same way then I hope it really works out for you!!!

Post # 5
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My heart breaks for you and how you’ve been excluded from your son’s wedding.  I would write a card to them on their wedding day, not detailing all the ways you were slighted, but all teh wonderful things you wish for them so that they know though you may not have been as big a part, that in no way meant that you weren’t filled with  love and support.

Hopefully everyone will make efforts in the future to be more loving and welcoming, and that this situation has just brought out the worst but not true personalities of everyone involved.

Post # 6
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I just went back and read your original thread, then this one.

Honestly, after the drama FDIL’s family is giving you,  I would have disagreed with the recommendation to try to regain control of the rehearsal dinner.  That ship has sailed.  They already invited their friends, and offered to pay.  So be it.  I’m not sure if it’s that terrible that they wanted people there who you couldn’t afford to pay, and offered to pay for those extra people.  But they certainly have acted like they aren’t appreciative, and probably snobs, who are embarrassed.  (But who knows?)

I know what’s done is done.  But in hind sight, knowing how well off her family is, and the kind of wedding they likely wanted to produce, under your financial circumstances I might have just offered son and FDIL a gift of money to use toward the rehearsal dinner, or whatever.  Then you wouldn’t have to get involved as the person on the hook for the whole dinner, that was likely to get overwhelming.

You’re a wonderful (and smart) person for trying to befriend the new in-laws.  Unfortunately, I’ll bet you are better off without them.  Snobbery aside, it’s sounds like your FDIL’s mother is very controlling and demanding.  Yikes!  I mean how they’re supposed to wear their makeup and hair?  She’s making her daughter miserable about the wedding.  They sound like jerks. 

 And try not to feel bad about not getting redy with all of them.  Maybe you can get ready with your son, to some extent.  You probably would have had a miserable time with that crew anyway. 

Best of luck.  And do go to the wedding.  Don’t play their game.  You still want to be part of that day. 

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