Post # 1
I’m wondering if I am the only crazy out there who is moving in with their fiancee after the big day? I’m also wondering for those Mrs. who have done this, do you have any helpful advice that might ease our path?
I could move in a month before the wedding but my theory is moving in and setting up house will give me something to do and something to look forward to after the wedding. Also, perhaps the lovey newlywed glow will make us fight less while adjusting to living together? Five years ago I moved to the city where my then-BF was living. I rented a place because I wanted to have my own space and I was conscious of the fact that if we got married in the near future this was my only time to have my pretty pink-and-blue very girly space all to myself. I also wanted to be independent and develop a life in the city independent of his. The BF asked me to move in with him and A.) his space was too small and B.) I still love MY space. Now that we’re engaged we’ve decided we’re going to renovate both sides of his duplex back into one big house and live there.
I’m thinking that moving in a month before the wedding would only increase my stress level, but I’m also concerned that moving in after the wedding will mean we’ll spend the first month of our married life fighting non-stop. Can anyone tell me A.) what you fought about while moving in together and B.) any constructive ideas of how to limit the fighting and promote happy newlywed unity?
Post # 3
My husband and I did not live together before we were married – and we’ve been happily married for 7 days! LOL
He moved from his mom’s house into my 700 sq. ft apartment slowly. He would spend 2 nights a week at my place – and each time brought over more of his stuff.
Both of us have had to get rid of a lot of stuff or store things in his mom’s garage.. and some things have been hard to put away, but we’re both considerate about having space to live our lives.. luckily, we’ll only have the tiny apartment for 5 months before we can find a house together.
For you, I suggest that you and your hubby figure out what things are most important to each of you and respect the other’s wishes. Give each other space and if you do argue, don’t let it fester – just talk it out.
Post # 4
i will be doing the same thing, moving in after the wedding. he has his own house, but in the process of major remodeling, and i’d rather wait (i’m still loving MY own space too!!) till it feels like home to me also.
Post # 5
I’m moving in after the wedding because we chose not to live together before we were married. It’s because of our personal beliefs, nothing against those who choose otherwise. To each their own. I’m not at all worried about us fighting when we move in together. We think of it as something new and exciting that we will be experincing together and a decision that is right for us. On the otherhand…I think it will be easier for us because FI spends a lot of time on the road because of his job and the complete lack of any type of regular schedule so we won’t constantly be together and in each other’s way. Plus…we’ll already be leagally binded so getting rid of him because he won’t put his socks in the hamper would just be a hassle. 😀 Kidding, completely kidding.
Post # 6
Things that will take time to adjust to: his cleaning habits (or lack there of), both your routines (are you both morning, afternoon, or night people? If not, there are adjustments to make!), joining finances (will you? won’t you? part way?), pet care (if you have any), cook schedule, etc. There are tons of things. Just take it slow, talk things out instead of holding them in and exploding or fighting right away. Be prepared to compromise, compromise, compromise! When we merged together our stuff (we’re not married yet) I had to give up some furniture. In fact, over 1.5 years later we’re still in contension over a few pieces of furniture! heh. These things take time. Also, are you moving into His space, Your space, or new, Neautral territory? Moving one person’s stuff into another person’s space is waaaay harder then starting fresh somewhere new. Its harder to compromise over things when you’ve had them that way for year(s), and easier when both your stuff is in flux.
Oh, and watch the toilet. While many men are great about shutting the top and not peeing on the seat/floor when you’re dating, they revert back to their lazy ways sometimes when you move in together! I have a friend who’s bf was fab pre move-in and now they get into daily fights over his new seeming inability to pee INTO the toilet or to shut the lid when he is done! The only other bf i lived with and I had this problem. Peed on the seat and floor and left the seat up ALL THE TIME. Very Annoying!
Post # 7
that’s true, i’m moving into HIS house that he’s already been living in, so he’s got his routine and everything all set up. i know its going to be harder than us moving into the house at the same time…
Post # 8
We’re not engaged or married but moving in together into our new house in September was surprisingly hard. You just have to be really patient with each other and respect space and boundaries. Having a chat about splitting up chores and other responsibilities now wouldn’t be a bad idea. Just be prepared for weird things to pop up and don’t sweat the small stuff. He has this green chair and we could’ve argued over it endlessly but I just tried to ask myself, “Is a green chair really worth arguing about?” And even though it was in the living room for the first few days, it was eventually relegated to the guest room with no arguments. So just keep calm, maybe keep a few drinks on hand. 🙂 And enjoy yourself! This is such an exciting time in your life!!!!
Post # 9
I moved in with my husband 4 months after our wedding because we were in two different countries and wrapping up our work and deciding on a place to settle in was difficult. We have been together for two months now and well we do argue but they finish off within minutes. Though it is fun setting up your house with your husband there are time when you want ME SPACE. Do what you feel is right and things will work out even with the small bumps.
Post # 10
@nurseamanda, I’m so glad we’re in the same boat and I’m not the only “Me” space person out there.
On the subject of moving into one person’s space or the other, I’m lucky since we’re converting his duplex back into a big home, although he has lived in some of the space for years, most of the space will be new and what he has lived in will have to be disrupted for the renovation so I think it will feel new to the both of us. An early talk about chore delegation is a great idea though, I think I’ll introduce that over dinner. Maybe a “what do you hate to do? Because I will do almost anything over taking out the garbage…” 🙂
Post # 11
Also, I’m excited about the fact that I get a whole little room in the “new” house as my craft room. I think its important to preserve some sort of me-space and the FH gets his own office too so I’m hoping that might keep some arguing at bay. (“Yes dear, I’d love to keep that poster from when you were 15…how about we put it in your room?”)
Post # 12
We are also not moving in together (I’ll be moving into his house and putting up my condo for rent, I am already sad about that) until after the wedding. I think no matter what adjustments will be really hard, considering our schedules are not the same (I have to be at work almost 2 hours before he has to in the morning) and both need a a LOT of personal space.
He is finishing basement so he can have his music room/office there. I think thats how we will be able to stay away from each other when getting on each other nerves: me upstairs and him ownstairs! I am worried about moving into HIs house, just like nurseamanda and Mthdgirl. And there are so many things around his house, and how he runs household that I want to totally change around and redo everything. But I think holding off horses and talking over each change I want to make is probably wiser. As exciting as it is, I am already stressing about all the adjustments we will have to make. Also, while I lived with one of my ex-bf he has never lived with a girl, besides his sister when he was really young. So that will be interesing.
The other day I was helping him fold his laundry, and inside I was just yelling ‘OMG that is not how you are supposed to fold t-shirts!’ And there are SO many things like but I hold my tongue on most of them just telling myself it is better to pick my battles..Culimination of those mini battles will most likely be the ‘oh yes I need 90% of the closet space’ conversation
So, no, Mthdgirl, you are not crazy! Congrats on getting your own craft room! I am sure that will provide the so needed sometimes own space
Post # 13
We will be moving in together after the wedding too. I agree with you, Mthdgirl, that I think “nesting” will keep me busy since the wedding planning will be over. It also feels very romantic and old-fashioned to set up house together after the wedding – we’re officially starting our life together!
Post # 14
We lived together for a summer like, 3.5 years ago. He finally moved back home (he’s military) and into our house about 6 months after we got married. We haven’t fought once, except when he brought home the wrong kind of chiles and I was a little annoyed and he took it personally. But seriously….it was fine. it’s LESS stressful now that he’s home b/c now i have help around the house! And all the manly things (like painting/fixtures/garage door fixing) etc are getting done
Post # 15
We are planning to move in after the wedding – but, we’ve already lived together before. For about 2.5 years actually, we shared an apartment while we went to college together. But due to this rough economy, neither of us landed a job immediately after college and couldn’t afford to continue living on our own there (we were receiving some financial help from our parents). So, for the past 1.5 years after college, we’ve been living apartment at our parents’ homes. We live about 30 minutes away from each other, but work in two totally different cities and only get to see each other now on weekends.
Actually our move-in-after-the-wedding situation is still a little tough. We’ve been meaning to move back in together, but our jobs are still on two opposite ends so we are hunting for a place in the middle. Jobs don’t feel really that secure these days either but both of us moving into a parents’ home isn’t an option (space, commute, privacy). We’re thinking since we plan to honeymoon almost immediately after the wedding, we should try to get a move-in date w/ prorated first month fees so we move in after we get back from our honeymoon.
As far as fighting goes, we don’t really argue too much except about household chores and meals sometimes, but it’s all minor and always something we can resolve.
Post # 16
We are also moving in after the wedding. For me he is moving into my house. Just this weekend we were talking and started to move some of his stuff into my basement. It was his Christmas stuff I figured since it is over and I was going to be storing mine we should put his with mine so we will know where everything is next year. As we both are cleaning out things and getting rid of stuff we will be moving some if his stuff in. We are going to move his winter clothes once he doesn’t need to be wearing them anymore and other little things and then we will do the big stuff when we return from the honeymoon.