Advice for moving in together

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband is the first man aside from my family that I’ve lived with. My husband has had roommates but never lived with a girlfriend/wife.

We didn’t move in with an agenda. We just kinda… threw the dice and let them settle where they did. It worked out beautifully for us and we’re a finely tuned, well oiled machine. We don’t fight over chores or responsibilities because we fell into our roles. If you are truly worried about it, absolutely discuss it. But I wouldn’t do it now.

Moving in is a huge deal! Things are going to take a lot of getting used to, so give it a week or two before you really put thought into who does what.

Post # 4
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We moved in together this summer and it was no big deal at all. We both went away to college so were used to living on our own. It was 10x better than having a college roommate bc we were just so comfortable together and didn’t have to worry about other people. You just kind of learn as you go really. We just kind of decided one night to move my stuff in and it was been better than I could have ever imagined!

Post # 5
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)

We talked casually about what chores we’d prefer and had some expectations that way. Once we moved in then we divided up the extra chores we hadn’t talked about. We also sat down before hand and budgeted who was paying for what (didn’t join accounts, just assigned the bills). The biggest thing for us was being upfront and open about the little things we don’t like or things we like done a specific way. Communication is key! We fell into routine pretty easy, no major fights and we’re both very happy with our setup! Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@Hyperventilate:  +1

@infinitykindaluv:  Don’t let anyone scare you about moving in with your SO. When I told people we were moving in together, people were like “ohhhh, it’s going to be hard, you’ll get the see the REAL him” and my favorite “he’ll expect you to always cook dinner and clean”. Uhmmmmmmmmm, I’m sitting on the couch right now while my SO is currently washing the dishes. People had me terrified, but we worked out great. It was extremely easy and we had hardly any problems at all. I never once experienced these rought patches people are talking about, and a lot of people I know in real life never did either. 

If you feel it’s super important, you can talk about it. Maybe a general discussion about. However, we never did, and we’re fine. 

Post # 8
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We never discussed anything. We just settled in and got to know each other’s routines. You’ll discover personality quirks that were hidden before, but that’s normal. At the time, I honestly don’t think either of us put much thought into it or stressed about it. It’ll be a learning process. My only advice for you is have patience. We did immediately combine finances, but that’s not the right choice for everyone. We did it, and I love how SO and I handle money, but the logical side of me does not advocate people doing that without marriage. 

Post # 9
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@infinitykindaluv:  I’m more of a take it as it comes person, but a little pre-planning wouldn’t hurt.  The fun part is buying things together, so if you have stuff you don’t love love love, donate it.  Space is always an issue, so streamlining your possessions would be helpful.

 

Post # 10
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As for scaring you after moving in…

The first day I spent with my husband, he locked the windows in the car and farted. Then he double dutched me in bed that night.

You do get to see them let down their guard, though. It’s not too scary. 😉

Post # 12
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@infinitykindaluv:  My FI and I moved in together our sophomore year of college since the college was in a tiny town and there was a lack of housing. Honestly when we moved in together everything kind of just fell into place naturally. I would say definitely discuss finances, who pays for what and all that. I’m not sure if your BF cares how you decorate, but maybe talk to him first before going out and buying anything if he even cares how the house is decorated. Other than that I hope it goes as smoothly for you as it did for us! Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
1947 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Move into a new place!! I moved into my DH’s apartment and it was a miserable time adjusting.  We fought over closet space and where my jackets would be stored.  He though 1 small closet would be enough for my stuff.  UM NO!  

When you move into a new place, it sets a new standard, so its not like your SO needs to move his stuff to make room for you.

Post # 14
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@infinitykindaluv:  I’m going to be completely honest throughout this post – not to scare you but to tell you what I had to get used to. I lived with my parents until I moved in with my FI (not FI when we moved in together), so I never had roommates or anything before….I knew it would be a huge change from living with family. FI had roommates before but never a girlfriend or any female.

For me, I had to get used to living with someone other than my family and splitting the chores where at home we already had roles established in who would do what. So we have had to continuously work on that. I had to get used to personality differences and habits he had that weren’t as apparent when I would just stay over at the house he lived in when he had 3 guy roommates (one of the guys owned the house and 2 of them travelled all the time for work). It took a LOT of getting used to. I was used to cleaning off counters right away rather than having someone constantly leaving crumbs all over and dishes in the sink (when the dish washer is RIGHT next to it), doing laundry when the basket gets full of my clothes rather than doing someone else’s too and worrying about whether they have nice clothes clean or work clothes clean so they do not wreck the nicer ones, sweeping/mopping, vacuuming, etc. all had to be worked out. There are times where I have to repetedly ask him, but for the most part he is getting better at not leaving dishes in the sink….and it is his job to unload the dishwasher, sweep (I mop/use swiffer), clean up his stuff so I can vacuum, keep the bathroom downstairs clean, and put his clothes inside-out in the washer (and then I add some of my stuff and finish it). I do a lot more than he does but that’s okay. I just wanted him to help out 🙂 

I also had to get used to being alone…FI works 10 hour evening/night shifts (3p-2:30a…in the summer he worked 7a-5:30p though) and I am a nurse that works nights (11p-7:30a) during the week and 12 hour day shift (7a-7:30p) every third weekend. I was so used to family being there, whether it was my parents or my younger sister. The first couple weeks were really hard for me and I called home a lot because I was so lonely. There was only so much unpacking I could do before I got bored, before I started wanting to go do something else or go somewhere but for that first month we didn’t have a lot of extra money because we had paid the deposit and first month’s rent and then bought food and whatnot (although I had already bought like cereal, some canned pasta sauce, pasta, mac and cheese, etc. in preparation before I moved out). I would sit and watch tv and just feel so alone…and some nights I cried. I missed the hustle and bustle of having people there. After a month or two it was just fine, but it took some getting used to.

When we argue, usually one of us says we need to step away for a few minutes while we cool off so we do not say something we regret, then we come back and discuss the issue in a calm matter. We never go to bed mad. Decisions (for the most part) are made together or we run it by each other.

As far as finances – we have stated who pays for what and then he gives me the money for the bills right now and since the accounts are in my name I pay set it all up and have it come out of my account. It works really well. We don’t have a joint account but I’m sure we will once we get married – at least for the bills and whatnot.

We have been living together since October 2012 and while it has taken a lot of work and a lot of discussions and compromise, it was a great decision. I knew before we got married I would want to live together anyways because I needed to make sure it would work with us to live together. We got engaged July 2013 and we are getting married October 2014. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to do this and I am so thankful for him.

 

Post # 16
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@infinitykindaluv:  set up a chores “list” and decide before hand if you will share money or not. If you’re not gonna share money it’s best to go ahead and decide who’s gonna be responsible for what!

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