@infinitykindaluv: I’m going to be completely honest throughout this post – not to scare you but to tell you what I had to get used to. I lived with my parents until I moved in with my FI (not FI when we moved in together), so I never had roommates or anything before….I knew it would be a huge change from living with family. FI had roommates before but never a girlfriend or any female.
For me, I had to get used to living with someone other than my family and splitting the chores where at home we already had roles established in who would do what. So we have had to continuously work on that. I had to get used to personality differences and habits he had that weren’t as apparent when I would just stay over at the house he lived in when he had 3 guy roommates (one of the guys owned the house and 2 of them travelled all the time for work). It took a LOT of getting used to. I was used to cleaning off counters right away rather than having someone constantly leaving crumbs all over and dishes in the sink (when the dish washer is RIGHT next to it), doing laundry when the basket gets full of my clothes rather than doing someone else’s too and worrying about whether they have nice clothes clean or work clothes clean so they do not wreck the nicer ones, sweeping/mopping, vacuuming, etc. all had to be worked out. There are times where I have to repetedly ask him, but for the most part he is getting better at not leaving dishes in the sink….and it is his job to unload the dishwasher, sweep (I mop/use swiffer), clean up his stuff so I can vacuum, keep the bathroom downstairs clean, and put his clothes inside-out in the washer (and then I add some of my stuff and finish it). I do a lot more than he does but that’s okay. I just wanted him to help out 🙂
I also had to get used to being alone…FI works 10 hour evening/night shifts (3p-2:30a…in the summer he worked 7a-5:30p though) and I am a nurse that works nights (11p-7:30a) during the week and 12 hour day shift (7a-7:30p) every third weekend. I was so used to family being there, whether it was my parents or my younger sister. The first couple weeks were really hard for me and I called home a lot because I was so lonely. There was only so much unpacking I could do before I got bored, before I started wanting to go do something else or go somewhere but for that first month we didn’t have a lot of extra money because we had paid the deposit and first month’s rent and then bought food and whatnot (although I had already bought like cereal, some canned pasta sauce, pasta, mac and cheese, etc. in preparation before I moved out). I would sit and watch tv and just feel so alone…and some nights I cried. I missed the hustle and bustle of having people there. After a month or two it was just fine, but it took some getting used to.
When we argue, usually one of us says we need to step away for a few minutes while we cool off so we do not say something we regret, then we come back and discuss the issue in a calm matter. We never go to bed mad. Decisions (for the most part) are made together or we run it by each other.
As far as finances – we have stated who pays for what and then he gives me the money for the bills right now and since the accounts are in my name I pay set it all up and have it come out of my account. It works really well. We don’t have a joint account but I’m sure we will once we get married – at least for the bills and whatnot.
We have been living together since October 2012 and while it has taken a lot of work and a lot of discussions and compromise, it was a great decision. I knew before we got married I would want to live together anyways because I needed to make sure it would work with us to live together. We got engaged July 2013 and we are getting married October 2014. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to do this and I am so thankful for him.