Post # 1
Hey Bees. One of my close college friends/coworkers just got engaged two days ago. The only issue is that her financial woes are keeping her from enjoying her engagement. First off, she has extremely expensive taste. I am not sure if she mentioned that she wanted this particular ring or if her fiance went off and bought this ring because of her taste. But basically he bought her a $9,000 ring. He is under 25 and still in grad school for the next 3-4 years and insured the ring. She is freaking out because something about needing to pay $7,000 right away. I have tried to convince her to return the ring so that he can get something more affordable for the both of them but she refuses. She doesn’t mind the financial stress because now she attached to the ring. I understand this but I just don’t know what else to tell her?! She is also pissed that she has to basically pay for the wedding herself since her parents cannot and her fiance nor his parents cannot either. She just started a 50k job this year after graduating from undergrad. She’s basically just starting out and already is in a bind due to renovations she really wanted to make to her apartment. I am just afraid she is going to want to shorten her engagement and then end up really and truly financially screwed in the future if she tries to spend all her money on a wedding for the upcoming year. I don’t know what to tell her anymore. Advice please.
The fiance is stressed and worried because he is still in grad school and will have grad school loans to pay off. She did pressure him into getting engaged. I just don’t want to see them end over financial issues but it’s so big. She either needs to sacrifice her taste or wait out a long engagement IMO.
Post # 2
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
Don’t buy things you can’t afford. Boom. Done.
Post # 3
They need to learn how to manage finances and realize that sometimes things have to get cut. It sounds like they’re living quite a bit above their means and that isn’t smart. Dave Ramsey has some good classes and budgeting stuff, at least that’s what I heard.
Post # 4
Wow. She needs to calm down her expectations and realize that you can’t have everything you want all at once. There is nothing wrong with getting that 9k ring, maybe 5 years from now when she is settled into her career and he is working as well.I’m currently working on my doctorate and there is no way I wouldve made FI purchase anything near that range. I wouldve been happy with a 500 dollar ring, as long as his proposal was sincere. I just think this is how 20 somethings start their futures on shaky ground-by overstretching themselves. FI shouldnt have to be stressed like that either-its not fair to him. I’ve seen weddings done beautifully simple and quaint to elaborate and over the top, and at the end of the day, both couples are married. One probably spent their life’s savings, and the other didn’t.
<br />I just think this kind of attitude actually prevents many men in their 20s from proposing, because they think they have to be able to afford to provide the woman with “the best.” Thats what society tells them, and we as future wives, should be bold enough to speak otherwise and tell the men we love the truth.
<br />I don’t know how one would broach the topic with her, but if she is a close friend, try to emphasize that there are many beautiful rings for much less, and she should try to work with FI towards a common goal that works for them as a couple.
Post # 5
She has expensive tastes, she is already living above her means doing renovations she can’t afford and she is annoyed that parents can’t pay for her wedding?! She needs to meet reality.
I would just tell it to her like it is: “You don’t have enough money to get married the way you want at the moment.”
Post # 6
ruphiolis: (If she asks for advice) tell her she needs to have a smaller wedding, one she can afford. One sure way to make the wedding cheaper is to invite less people. There’s nothing wrong with a smaller wedding. It is the marriage which is important, not the wedding.