(Closed) Advice for Newly Engaged Bees

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

This is AWESOME and should be a sticky! Seriously!

I’m 43. This is my second marriage and I’m STILL hearing this crap!

Post # 4
Member
463 posts
Helper bee

Almost all of these hypotheticals involve the other party being breathtakingly rude. Dealing with rude people and saying no to people you love are both completely unavoidable – and sometimes it can help to have the experience of setting these kinds of boundaries earlier rather than later.

I’m all for keeping your plans a secret if you want to, but don’t think it’s going to save you from people rudely violating your boundaries in ways you could never have predicted, unfortunately. All you can really do is learn to say that last line (“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way…”) without letting it get to you.

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So very true! Fiance and I had so much guilt piled on us when we first got engaged – we didn’t even have to start wedding planning for his parents to start looking at venues!

Post # 7
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That was sooo awesome. I will be taking your advise to heart as I can already see it starting. THANK YOU!

Post # 9
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

HAHAHA this was great, you hit the nail on the head!!!

Weddings bring out the WORST in people. People think they’re helping but are so damn annoying and thinking they know EVERYTHING about your day! I literally tell no one (except the Bee!) anything because they make me second guess every decision.

Post # 10
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

That was an entertaining read! And definitely why I am keeping most things on the down low except with a treasured few people.

Post # 11
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

HAHAHAHA This is amazing and hilarious and spot on.

We STARTED happily chatting with certain people, who then went and made things a massive pain in the butt, so we just quietly cut them out of the loop and made it need to know basis only.

Fortunatly my FH doesn’t mind standing up for me and himself and us, nor do I, so if anyone has any complaints TOO BAD. If someone threatens not to show up, TOO BAD. We are getting married on our date, at our time, in our place, doing what we want, and we’d do it alone if we had to. Nothing is negotiable. I’ve been polite but vague and firm, and so far it hasn’t caused drama.

I wanted to elope tbh — so even having a wedding for people to show up at is my compromise to make others happy.

I don’t see myself as bridethulu, because I demand nothing of anyone beyond non-interference. I have made some polite request of my bridesmaids and a few to my parents, but have carefully not asked anything of anyone that would genuinely upset me if they declined and made it clear that it’s OK for them to do so if they wish with no hard feelings. We’re even paying for the whole thing ourselves.

So FH and I are on board with you OP! 😀 On the rare circumstance that anyone questions or gives us flak from here on out, the attitude is “This is what’s happening, enjoy or don’t.”

Post # 12
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This made my night. 🙂

I’ve been engaged 4 months and, with the few family members that know things, this is my life. I have a venue and have gone dress shopping once (nightmare of hideous screaming pain. I’ll probably get married in a potato sack), but every detail gets picked apart. Thank god for my amazing bridesmaids, who are really supportive, but I tell you… I don’t care if my aunt doesn’t attend because we aren’t inviting dogs (yes, that’s right, but we’ll probably save on liquor so it’ll work out), or if my mom hates the chair covers, or if my cousin thinks we should have a destination wedding because winter on the prairies is cold as f*ck and she wants a tan.

Post # 13
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

*like* 🙂

Post # 14
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

So true! since the minute we got engaged!

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