- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
I was reading through the thread of those who actually prefer to adopt over TTC and it had me thinking this might be a good place to start with some advice.
DH and I are in the beginning stages of adoption while we finish our infertility treatments as we were given a <5% chance of success. I have many fears regarding adoption. I almost was placed in foster care at 11 yo and have seen what it does to children and families. I also have had many family members work for Children Services agencies. I have many questions for the agencys or state departments regarding the process but what I am also very concerned with is the aftershock. Funny thing is my 9 yo neice got me started thinking on all the issues that may arise and exactly how will we handle them. She called me the other night and asked; “Aunt Green, if you guys adopt a baby will I have to lie to them about being adopted? Because I don’t feel I can and that would not be very fair.” I laughed one bc what 9 yo thinks like that and 2. you could tell she really cared already for our maybe future adopted baby. I knew right away that the answer was no, we planned on telling them when they were young as I want to be an honest and open parent. But now I am swarmed with so many thoughts. So fellow bees that were adopted or have family members that were adopted: If you had to give someone in this stage some advice what would it be? We are planning a domestic adoption and will look at foster adoption with the possibility of a sibling match. One of my biggest fears and it may sound silly, but I fear that once my child knows they are adopted, they may resent us or not love us as much bc they feel they don’t belong. I know I had these feelings at one time or another growing up but this feels a world different. This is an overwhelming experience but I am hoping should we need to go this route is a joyous one.