(Closed) Advice from Brides Please!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I talk to her about what's bothering me?
    Yes! : (61 votes)
    98 %
    No! : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think you should sit down and talk to her to see if maybe she is just in bridal mode and not realizing your feelings. It all comes down to, after the wedding is all over, is she someone you want in your life? I would like to think that if she was a real friend you could tell her how you feel and she would respect it, maybe not agree but at least listen. If I were you I would give it one more shot and talk with her about everything you are feeling. Weddings are stressful, but sometimes us brides need a little kick in the face back to reality! If she continues to blow you off when you try to sit down and hash this out, then I would start to consider the friendship and how important it is to you. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    i agree with miss cheeky, you need to sit down and talk to her, bc regardless of “bridal mode” she needs to know how hurtful shes being!

    i think your idea was GREAT and would be SO thankful if that was my bachelorette…just stay dimplomatic, and sweet, kill her with kindness!! ALWAYS my policy….makes the other person feel like a jerk lol

    i’m sry ur going thru this! let us know how everything goes =)

    Post # 5
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think you should talk to her, but you need to be really careful about how you do it.  Like, even though it may be true, don’t say outright “I think our friendship is one sided and you never consider my feelings”.  Instead, focus on specific actions that are fixable, like the date thing.  You can tell her you’re feeling hurt by these things, but don’t do it in an accusatory way.   Good luck and I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this…

    Post # 6
    Member
    219 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I am shocked that she asked you to plan her Bachelorette party, but doesn’t think you are important enough to warrant a date. I know couples have different budgets, but the wedding party works so hard to make the experience fun and as stess free as possible for the couple. They spend lots of time, emotions, and $$ “working” for the bride and groom. They should be the FIRST and if need be ONLY ones to get +1’s.

    Sorry you are dealing with a Bridezilla. I know we get stressed in planning, but I think it has become too commonplace and acceptable for brides to act this way. We are women who are preparing to be the heads of a brand new family unit. We should strive to show maturity and foresight instead of hiding behind the “bridezilla” veil. However, in your friends defense, maybe she does not realize what she is doing. Make your feelings known to her before you totally write her off.

    Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    4123 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    well, don’t offer to pay for the plate, because it’s not really good etiquette and costs go well beyond the fee for the meal per person…..

    I think you need to sit down and have a long talk. Before you do, think long and hard though, you may very well “loose her” for now, and no longer be in or invited to the wedding. In your case, however, it sounds like that may be better? 

    Post # 9
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Yikes, I’m so sorry.  She’s being really thoughtless, especially considering that you’re both on student budgets.  (Actually, $400 is a huge amount of money for anyone to lose!)  I agree with everyone else that talking to her is your best option.  It’s possible she’s just really clueless and has completely lost sight of the fact that the world doesn’t revolve around her wedding.  Perhaps you can be the friendly metaphorical kick-in-the-butt to help her realize that 🙂  I also agree that it’s lame that you can’t bring a date.  I completely understand that weddings can get obsenely expensive and that each additional person can make a huge difference in the budget, BUT . . . to let others in the bridal party bring dates but not you seems just plain mean.  Especially since you’ve been dating so long and she probably knows your boyfriend.  Establishing plus-one rules can be tricky, but I should think that if anyone can bring a date, it should be members of the bridal party.  Is her excuse simply the budget issue?  That would be a bit ridiculous, considering how much money you lost on the party after she changed her mind!  It would probably be best, however, to bring it up gently, especially if you want to remain friends post-wedding.  And under the circumstances, I’m not sure it’s rude to suggest paying for your boyfriend, but I’ll defer to everyone else’s opinions on that. 

    At any rate, good luck, and keep us posted!

    Post # 11
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’d definitely call her. Under normal circumstances, I would say to let the date thing go as not everyone can afford for their guests to bring a date, but it seems as if everyone and their mother (except for you) can bring a date, and I don’t think that’s fair. Hopefully, you guys can just talk through everything. Try to be as supportive of her as you can, and just try to get through the wedding.

    Post # 12
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    So out of the entire bridal party, you are the only one not allowed to bring a date?  How absurd and insulting.

    Honestly (as I have had one too many one sided relationships in my life) I would talk to her and if nothing changes, I would drop out due to her treatment of you. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    972 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    You should be able to bring a guest, thats not fair especially a bf of 2 years not some random dude.  I cant believe that place didnt give you back your $400 or at least half! Thats absurd!

    Post # 14
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Though it is a tad rude to offer to pay for his plate you have to remember it’s more then just a $25 dollar meal… It’s seating, etc. Maybe mention to her that you would feel more comfortable with him there.  Personally I feel it’s poor etiquette to not allow singles to bring a date. So with her etiquette no-no maybe you should sorta push to have your boyfriend there.And I have to tell you hearing everything I suspect that you won’t be friends after the wedding as it seems like she’s more interested in filling a dress and looking popular then being surrounded by support.If it were me I would tough it out, but that is just me.

    Remember that even though she seems unreasonable that you don’t know the whole story. And that brides change their minds on a daily basis. VERY few actually know 110% what they want on every detail. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve changed my wedding colors, but lets just say that I expect my mom or fiance to smack me with my wedding binder the next time I ask “What color do you like best?” or “When you close your eyes which color do you see in our wedding” (addressed to Fi obviously). When it comes to the bachlorette party I don’t have a dang clue and I’ve put it totally in my MOH’s hands as long as I get a naughty cake Wink.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1545 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I agree with the other bees! you should def talk to her!

    The topic ‘Advice from Brides Please!!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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