(Closed) Advice from the Hive?

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: to change the date or not to change?
    Change the wedding date to July : (0 votes)
    Change the wedding date to September : (1 votes)
    5 %
    Change the wedding date to October : (4 votes)
    21 %
    Keep the April wedding date : (14 votes)
    74 %
  • Post # 3
    1732 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I get that your parents are not happy that you did the deed, but it’s not like you’re the only ones that do.  Keep your wedding date.  Abstain until then if that will appease your family. 

    A big part of me wants to tell your family that your sex life is majorly none of their beeswax. 

    Post # 4
    256 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    For me it would be more important to make sure everyone I love could make it and give them ample time to save up and make arrangements to be at the wedding, shoudl they need to travel. I think I would keep my original date because really…it’s just too cute! But then again, I am a very non-religious person as is my family. The good thing you have on your side is that you are an event planner by trade (so am I) so it definitely makes planning a wedding sooner absolutley do-able. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

    Post # 5
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think it’s important to remember that you can’t please all the people all the time, and that you can’t control (and shouldn’t feel guilty about not being able to control) things outside of your control.

    People will come to your wedding, or they won’t, and it is not a reflection of how they feel about you/your FH/your relationship. You shouldn’t feel like “you would never be able to forgive yourself” if someone couldn’t make it. There will be people who can’t make it. Life comes up. It doesn’t have anything to do with you needing to “forgive” yourself – you have nothing to “forgive” yourself for. (You haven’t done anything wrong!).

    My FH’s family is all in CA, we live in Maine. My family is scattered between WA, CA, RI and KY – like you guys, there is no “optimal” place to get married. Not everyone has the means to travel across country. Not everyone has the time. Some people would like to come, but won’t be able to make it for a variety of reasons. Even “key players”. It doesn’t mean they love us any less.

    Sometimes, we just have to “let go” a little. You may have had a fairytale vision when you were a little girl – well, you’re a grown woman now. You can see things from a difference perspective, you don’t have to hold onto that “fairytale dream” simply because it’s what you thought when you were little. It is not healthy to get so stressed out about things, to the point of getting physically ill.

    Holiday weekends (4th of July weekend and Labor day weekend) have pluses and minuses. People generally get an extra paid day off from work, but hotel prices and airplane ticket planes are also generally more expensive (at least they sure are in my area!).

    Honestly, I would decide who is most important for you to have attend, and call them, and see if between July/Sept/April which weekend works best for that group, and go from there. Good luck.

    Post # 6
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If it were me I would just keep it in April and tell myself that my sex life is none of my family’s business and that they have no right to judge that choice that I made.  It’s your life and they really shouldn’t be trying to tell you how to live it.

    That being said, if you’re not able to handle their ill-placed judgements without making yourself physically ill, move up the wedding!  You shouldn’t have to live life for a year that stressed out and emotionally exhasted!

    I’d vote for October.  July 2nd is way to soon for people who have to travel to plan – plus plane tickets will be insanely high, especially with the late notice (I know – my bachelorette party is that weekend and my ticket was crazy expensive).  You also have the same issue with flights in September and is is pretty close to your G-ma’s 80th b-day if everyone is travelling for that too.

    Post # 8
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Personally, I think you should move out of your parents’ house ASAP and not allow them to exercise so much control over you.  I think it is kind of strange that they are so concerned with their adult child’s sex life. 

    But since you indicated that you are upset that you’re having pre-marital sex, I’d vote for October because of time issues and the gradnmother’s b-day. 

    As an aside, I am a big fan of counseling, and would suggest it to help with your stress issues.  Obviously, it isn’t healthy to stress yourself out (about anything) to the point that you are physically sick.  I think a good counselor could help you find some better coping techniques that work for you.

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