Advice from the other side

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To @Carolsays: interesting perspective.

I myself am an Encore Bride… and I can certainly see some value in your advice now having gone thru 2 Weddings in my lifetime (and someday will have Kids who will plan Weddings as well no doubt)

My first wedding (circa 1980) things weren’t nearly as fanatical as they are now… social networking has most definitely changed the landscape of sharing the news & wedding planning etc

The most people wanted to know when I got engaged the first time was WHAT is your date

Today the masses seem frantic to know every immediately

This pressures I think some couples to rush the process, and then make decisions they later regret… such as:

  • Jumping the gun on sending out STDs, without first having a Date – BUDGET – Guest List – and Venue all worked out (it sucks to send someone an STD then finding out you cannot to afford to have all the people you first thought you could)


  • Rushing to pick out a Bridal Party… without working out the responsibilities and expenses that that entails for both sides … or going over the role & expectations.

And I agree, having a common vision (united front right) from the get go as a couple makes it a lot easier when it comes to dealing with difficult people who have their own agenda to push !!

When Mr TTR proposed this time round, we kept it under wraps for the most part (ok I told my BFF GF and he told a guy friend) until we found my Ering… and only then which was 6 weeks in did we announce it to the world.

And instanteously we were the centre of attention… be bombarded by Questions.

It was a good thing that in the 6 weeks since the Proposal, we’d had a lot of time to think & talk, and make plans.

Our Family & Friends were happy for us… but they did express the fact that they were more than a little disappointed that we had decided to Elope… and not have a BIG White Pouffy Wedding they all could attend

So much so, that we actually had 3 couples… from both our Family & Friends tell us they were planning to come along and crash our Elopement

Uhhh no

As I say, I was quite astounded by how times & things had changed so drastically.

So ya, I totally agree… it is important to talk today more than ever about plans BEFORE deciding to get Engaged / Married… at least some of the most basic items…

A vision of WHAT type of Wedding – HOW MUCH $$$ – WHEN – WHERE – HOW MANY – and WHO


Post # 4
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Carolsays:  I appreciate this advice.  I’ve written sooo many times that anyone who knows my user name knows my story:  I wanted to be married with kids by 30, then married by 30, then engaged by 30 AND well, I’m 30 and not engaged haha!

Your advice hits home.  My SO has given me a timeline, and even if it is at the maximum time he will allow before he proposes, well, I don’t want to rush to the alter just because he proposed!!

I HAVE worried about other people getting too excited and taking over the planning, well, sorry, I decided about 1 month ago that I was prepared to wait and enjoy every moment to the fullest, realizing that this could be my last year or even months having ‘GF’ status, then knowing we will be engaged, I want to enjoy that, the planning process and I mean every detail, then married life without kids.  

It’s exciting and reassuring to have bees who are not waiting anymore repost and say ‘Take your time, no rush, it’ll all be worth it’ because we get caught up in the waiting without realizing this moment may ultimately pass us in the blink of an eye.

Congrats on your wedding!!!  Thanks again for the advice!

Post # 5
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Thanks for this… I’m engaged right now, and it really makes me feel better to hear that wedding planning was a stressful time for others, too. I think “unbearable” at times, is a very fitting word for it.

Sometimes I feel it’s just me, and it gets lonely!

But I try to use it to or advantage – even though it’s no fun, all this stress (and the personal opinions, fights, negotiations, excitement, and harmony) has been a wonderful exercise in strengthening our relationship to be better prepared for marriage.

BTW, the fiance’s opinion point is right-on. I had in my head an “ideal” wedding, but my FI also had an ideal wedding… we wound up doing things more his way. You are better off asking him about what he’d like at your (plural, it’s his too!) wedding before the masses burden you with their opinions, suggestions, and demands. It was a little bit harder for us to find what we wanted for ourselves after that.


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