Post # 1
Please only nice comments, and please anyone with experience on the matter let me know how you did it.
My fiance and I have been physical since about 2 months into the relationship, and really physical. Starting out it was multiple times a day and that lasted for the first two years. Lately it’s just once a day but sometimes twice in a day, but we hardly ever go a day without.
We get married in April and I’ve been thinking a lot about abstinance until marriage, it’s actually been weighing on me a bit. Has anyone asked for this after already being sexually active for nearly 3 years or so? I don’t want him to take it the wrong way or anything, I’d just like to be that way kind of until the wedding day…
Any advice or care to share your story?
Post # 3
I assume this is for religious reasons? If so, is this a sign that the two of you are at very different places in terms of how important your faith is to you? This is something that should be fully explored before you get married, not avoided because you are afraid of disappointing him. You need to be on the same page about something like this, or at the very least be comfortable voicing your beliefs.
Think of it this way- there is a mismatch between your physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. You have given him your entire self physically, but are holding back about your feelings and beliefs. You are a priceless human being and you deserve to have your partner see you in a holistic light, not just physically.
I realize I didn’t really answer your question, but I think this underlying issue needs to be addressed.
Post # 4
Well we both have the general same religion we just have slightly diffirent views on the subject. He believes that we aren’t judged as badly as they were back in the day because basically the crimes are a lot more severe nowadays so we aren’t judged as harshly, or something like that. I believe we are judged the same. We go to church together, believe the same general outline, which is good by me. I mean in this day and age to find anyone with my belief is a mirace (it seems, I always found the creeps before)
The trouble is explaining it to him in a way that he would understand. He doesn’t think it’s as big a sin as I feel it is and I don’t want him to think that it’s anything wrong with him, just that I want to live without sin. I want to know how I can explain it to him and have him understand it pretty much
Post # 5
@pinkgreenandyellow: I faced this very same issue with an ex-boyfriend. However, I feel the same way your fiancée does in regards premarital sex and he felt the same way you do. He wanted to abstain, I did not. This ultimately tore us apart because he held resentment against me for his own “sin”. I think this is a pretty big issue, you guys are two different places spritually. Since you are planning to marry this man you should be able tell him how you feel without fear of rejection. He may be disappointed but I think he’ll respect your wishes. If you both think its too difficult to do than i think you should just go ahead and get married to avoid the unnecessary tension. If you guys don’t see eye to eye on premarital sex than someone will have to make a sacrifice. I think being able to compromise is an essential part of a healthy relationship. I think if your love for one another is strong enough for marriage you’ll both figure out together how to best handle this issue.