(Closed) Advice from those who were sexually active then became abstinant with s/o?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
220 posts
Helper bee

I assume this is for religious reasons?  If so, is this a sign that the two of you are at very different places in terms of how important your faith is to you?  This is something that should be fully explored before you get married, not avoided because you are afraid of disappointing him.  You need to be on the same page about something like this, or at the very least be comfortable voicing your beliefs.  

Think of it this way- there is a mismatch between your physical intimacy and emotional intimacy.  You have given him your entire self physically, but are holding back about your feelings and beliefs.  You are a priceless human being and you deserve to have your partner see you in a holistic light, not just physically.

I realize I didn’t really answer your question, but I think this underlying issue needs to be addressed. 

Post # 5
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@pinkgreenandyellow:  I faced this very same issue with an ex-boyfriend. However, I feel the same way your fiancée does in regards premarital sex and he felt the same way you do. He wanted to abstain, I did not. This ultimately tore us apart because he held resentment against me for his own “sin”. I think this is a pretty big issue, you guys are two different places spritually. Since you are planning to marry this man you should be able tell him how you feel without fear of rejection. He may be disappointed but I think he’ll respect your wishes. If you both think its too difficult to do than i think you should just go ahead and get married to avoid the unnecessary tension. If you guys don’t see eye to eye on premarital sex than someone will have to make a sacrifice. I think being able to compromise is an essential part of a healthy relationship. I think if your love for one another is strong enough for marriage you’ll both figure out together how to best handle this issue.

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