Advice: how to tell someone she can't afford her wedding.

posted 3 years ago in Money
  • poll: How to tell someone they can't afford the wedding they're planning
    Stay out of it and let her make the mistake : (185 votes)
    82 %
    Get someone who is closer to her to say something : (26 votes)
    12 %
    Suggest a financial planner : (4 votes)
    2 %
    Tell her directly, she's making a huge mistake : (8 votes)
    4 %
    Other suggestions : (3 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @housebee: If she wants to dig herself into debt, that’s her prerogative. I’m sorry, but it’s really none of your business. That doesn’t make it easy to watch though, I get that.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7285 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @PermaStudent:  +1.

    I give people more credit. Most of us know 97.9% of the time we are doing something that isn’t in our own best interest. Whether is over eating, being in an unhealthy relationship, over spending etc. Stay out of it. No good will come of it. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    7285 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @housebee:  If she’s already asking and not listening to you, what more is there to say? Next time she brings it up, tell her “Last time you asked it wasn’t received well, so I think its best that we stay off any topic as it relates to spending. Just continue to do whatever you think is best for yourself.” Dead it. You don’t have to be nice, just tell her the truth. Don’t play into her game.

    Post # 9
    Member
    846 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @housebee:  I wonder if you can just subtly steer her away from the more expensive options. Like if a vendor is great but expensive and if you know a vendor that is just as great but less expensive, you can say something like “Well I have heard really good things about this vendor, why don’t you try them out?” and direct her towards the less expensive vendor.

    That’s the only thing I can think of. But yeah, I would just not mention anything about finances because she’s not going to be willing to hear any advice. She’s gonna do what she wants, apparently. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d sit her down and tell her once, just once. I’d say “As your friend, I need to say this to you because I’m just looking out for your best interests. Regardless of what you do next, I’m here, I love you and support you and I won’t mention it again.” Then I’d tell her I was concerned for her future after the wedding, since she’s already getting behind on bills and with the expense of the wedding you’re concerned she might get evicted/sent to collections/damaged credit that might impact her ability to purchase a home, etc. You might get farther if you focus on what’s in it for her.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @housebee:  + 1 to bklynbridetobe:. I have a friend who always bitches about money, and then asks me to go shopping with her because she needs [insert unnecessary item of clothing here]. When I asked her once if she really thought she could afford to go shopping, she acted all upset and insulted. I finally said to her, “Look, I can’t be the person you shop with and the person that you complain to about money. Please stop bringing it up to me because I’m finding it really frustrating to listen to”. That was the end of that.

    Post # 12
    Member
    11300 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @bklynbridetobe:  I like this. I was all about staying out of it until you said that she solicits your opinion on the subject.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7285 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m the type of person you can’t ask to drink water from my well and then just spit it out. LOL I will be sounding board no matter what, but if you ASK me for my opinion then get an attitude about it, oh hell NO. I hate that. You lose future rights bring up said offending topic again. 

    @PermaStudent:  Exactly, you can’t have it both ways. If you want to vent to me, fine, I’ll keep my mouth shut, but if you ask me for my thoughts, I’m going to tell you what I think. If you can’t handle it tough. And friends should be able to give you unsolicited advice, in theory, because hey we care. But I’ve found thru the years that few people can really handle it. 

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If it were me, the only thing I would say (since she asks) is you need to spend what you and your fiance are comfortable with.  Or something along those lines. It’s her decision how she spends her money and she likely won’t listen to you anyways if you tell her not to.

    Post # 16
    Member
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @housebee:  Don’t get involved. Its not your place to say anything. I know you are doing the right thing and looking out for her but its really none of your business.

    It sucks, but let her make the mistake and learn from it. Don’t spend money you don’t have.

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